Admitting our fucked up thoughts.

Pretty normal. You'd look hot in a Nazi uniform.

 

I think about self harm quite often.
If I take my medication on time without missing doses I usually can control these urges.
I do though always carry two razor blades in my wallet, this seems to be for comfort of knowing I am able SH if I feel it is needed.

 

The idea of violence against women sexually arouses me. If you ever met me on the street I'm the most quietest, helpful wallflower you'll ever meet; I've never been violent against anyone in my life but these thoughts are always lurking in my head. Even women I know and like sometimes I'll catch myself daydreaming about what could happen to her, whether it's me doing it or just chilling back watching it go down, and I get so turned on I can't stand it. I'm such a fucked up mess, so many things wrong with me.

 

I don't think there'll ever be a day where I don't want to die at some point, by that I mean I'm not constantly thinking it, it'll just come up like "who wants a cup of tea?" and it is actually as trivial as that. I suffer anxiety which causes depression, I'm better in the summer which some think manic but the simple fact is I'd rather not exist.

I realised recently that I don't think I'm in the right dimension, I've never fit in with other people well, I don't like having a body, career and study haven't worked since I was 16. I'm in the wrong place. The GP I told this to didn't necessarily disagree with me, he said I've had a tough life I would think this way.

Things that stop me killing myself:
#1 I can't have my Mum lose anyone else and have to clear up after me.
#2 It won't work and put me in a position where my life is crapper and I can't try again.
#3 Where I go afterwards will be worse and I won't be able to escape from that one.

 

I think everyday about dying.
Sometimes I think I look forward to it happening.
Sometimes I wish a meteor would land square on my head.

I'm not depressed or sad so it's nothing like i'm going to do anything.

 

Whatever situation I'm in, I tend to daydream about the worst possible thing I could do.
So, standing on the edge of the grand canyon, I'm visualizing grabbing people, throwing them off the edge and jumping after them.
When I'm driving past a big truck on the road, I'm thinking all it would take is a little twitch of my hand and...kaboom!

 

Hmm I have some pretty messed up thoughts sometimes, but I'm not sure if I should share them because they're embarassing and a little disgusting to say the least...

 

got plenty of them, there was a time in my life where i could not stop thinking about everyone in a sexual manor and i mean everyone my grandparent my mother little kids etc

Also i constantly think that im never doing enough and that i am incapable of anything and everything seriously things as simple as cooking for myself

there are a lot more but im lazy right now

on a side note i wish people would be this open in real life it would make being human a whole hell of a lot easier

 

i often think of a noose around my neck and jumping from the balcony so it's a quick break and departure... but as i KNOW i would only have to come back again and get to the same point and not do it, the image/impulse disappears...

i often feel as though i have my adult hands around my own throat... but me, as a child...

i used to have real bad thoughts about killing two people in particular... lots of blood... lots of pain (for them) and lots of unkind teasing... torture, if you like, from me... it is healthy to have those thoughts because they did awful stuff to me, but i would not act on it now... Mr. Pterosaur helped me overcome actually acting on those dark impulses... thankyou Mr. Pterosaur

also, my hearing isn't that good and i often have random fucked up thoughts/images, triggered by what i thought someone said, rather than what they actually said... can't even think of an example right now... but they usually quite funny (funny "weird", i don't mean funny "ha ha")... i'll post it here if/when it next happens...

 

Woah, lotsa messed up stuff in this thread.


I guess i'm a pretty normal kid.

I have a fear of going insane, but that's about it.

 

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I talk to myself sometimes, but my thoughts are quite normal, all things (this thread!) considered.