im really sad at, i have been all day. i think i am slowly sinking into an endless pit of depresion, im starting to think how sad my little life is and all, and how fucked up the world is today, i mean do anything and u go prison or get probation and shit, a person cant even shoot a gun in the air a few times without getting in trouble. i need to survive to 18, shit is too fucking ridiculous. i wish i could get a decent part time job or something, i mean all of them are taken by fat dusty 40yr old bitches who dont go to a real job because of lack of brain. i know u have to think fucking postivie but ffs like you know how people say, if you want something done, do it youself, but these fucking days all a 15 yeer old can do is go to fucking school, people look at him with narrow eyes when he fucking walks in a hardware store, fucking pricks wouldnt even sell me a fucking hacksaw. dickheads. i have been tired for the last 3months, contantly not getting enough sleep. i think i have hightened anxiety, my mind thinks pretty fucked up things atm, id like to go have it checked out, because i keep thinking about what can happen in every situation, but i cant tell my mum because the retard she is she will just say mj made me a schizophrenic. id tell my dad but hes over a thousand km away right now, and i dont think he gives a shit- hasnt been helping us at all, just being with his new family. school is going shit, im going to really step up now, sort out my grades before last exams, or atleast try my fucking hardest. want to go to college, recently ive started thinking about what i would do if i ended up in a no good job doing same shit for fucked up pay for my life. so i though what if i just grew weed for more than a living. so my plan, just get a fucking place, save up and grow shitloads of chronic, hopefully making £££. maybe moving out into the country, doing a giant outdoor grow. im just really fucked in the head atm, i would smoke up but i know it would just make everything seem more next. man uk fucking sucks. only thing keeping me going is the fact that it could be worse and that after every storm, the sun comes out to shine once more. so yea, hopefully these things will be a funny matter in some time. peace, im off for a ciggarete :l
I feel the exact same all the time, except for all the parts about being 15. My life's shitty and my life will always be shitty. Most lives are shitty. The world is shitty. I just get fukt up and take my shitty life as it comes, and maybe something good will happen some day.
cant wait to turn 16 awell, get a moped, and then a car once im 17, just go driving all night, just go like brighton or something really late, i would go with friends witha train, but theire just lazy fuckers. i used to go just wondering about really early in the morning, almost every police car would stop and start asking me questions and all. i have a pretty fucked up sleep problem, i sleep average 5hrs a night, i cant go to sleep, my mind just keeps thinking things, so i stay up till 2- 3 am almost every night, sometimes till morning. i dont know, i prefer nights alot more, its just alot queter, nicer imo. when i grow up, i think i want to go live somewhere else, U.S , spain, or something. yeh i would like to go spain. lifes what you make it i guess. if i try to sleep, my mind doesnt stay clear, i just get deep thoughts about life and all, making me kind of more depressed, knowing memories and good times are important things, thinking upon my life atm, knowing if i died tommorow, it would have been worthless. ignorance is bliss eh
ive been waiting for that for ages man, waiting for something will not bring it, you need to go out and find it man- worst thing is, its really hard to know where to look. i see so many people having no clue and just making it look like theyre are happy, i seem to be able to look into ones eyes and tell what the person is like, fake people, that have other identities man, eventually when i see through them- its either a dark gaping hole, or just ignorance. todays society sets such fucked up examples, that a person has no life, hes just a robot
I used to feel the same way for a couple of years. I would be so depressed, and I lost a ton of weight, and my family noticed and everything was shitty. I would fight with my family, and just feel like wow, why am I even here? You just gotta tough it out, I'm 18, and I'm fine now. You just gotta accept life how it is, and try to make the best of it.
Yeah you could be in the US ;-) But no seriously man I've been there, i dont think theres a person who hasnt. If they say they haven't they are lieing to you and to themselves. I did the anti-depressant thing but it made me feel emotionless, like i was in a cloud. I chose the pain of depression over that shit. I know you've heard the whole keep you chin up and life will get better shit a million times, but thats not really true. Life sucks. What gets better are the people in it and your ability to cope with it. It does get less sucky to deal with, i promise...just sometimes takes a while.
i have never yet in my life met a really reliable person, someone you could trust your life on, not even my mum or dad- u want something done and done good, do it yuorself. i would take fucking anti depresants and sleeping pills and all that fucked up shit, but i dont trust them, they just hide all the shit away, which will only just infront of you when u stop taking them. id prefer the natural way. i feel realy umotivated, and i know every ignorrant person would say oh its pot, pot is doing that to you, but it isnt, pot might have raised my anxiety, but with it it enhanced everything about me. i dont care, weed will not be blamed for a second
i don't understand, you're 15? come on man, 9th-10th grades? you can fix that shit easily. no one said life is easy, lifes a garden, dig it and produce something. get decent grades, a job, a girlfriend, it'll be alright. you have the power to do anything, you just have to get the right mindset on it. i wish you luck with whatever you choose to do.
ive felt the same way for about a year or so now but here lately it seems my shits gettin better and its weird that its all started gettin better after i started smokin/partyin but for the most part ive been livin for my 18th birthday when i can get the fuck outta here i mean i have nothin against the town im from i mean i love it its a lil hick town where everybody knows everybody for atleast 3 "cities" lol in any direction but i still wanna get the hell out of here and go party with strangers and see the places ive been dreamin about i wanna be able to load up a few friends and go all over america just livin l-i-v-i-n lol i wanna hop down to texas to see my dad and big bro and then go to mexico for a while then cali to party it up out there then canada for a while and everywhere in between my main thing is i hate ppl always tryin to tell me how to live my life i hate when ppl say ooo u hafta do good in school or ull never get a good job becuz fuck it im not worried about a "good" job just one i dont mind so much and i can make enough to live on and ppl sayin ooo if u smoke pot ull ruin ur fuckin life ya know what fuck u i seriously hate their bullshit but now im gettin better at realizin that this is my life and im gonna do wtf i want with it and even if i do somethin wrong it will be a lesson learned the hard way and ill remember it damn long post lol and yea i know its one sentence and one paragraph but know wat fuck u
I felt the same way you do when I was 15. I suffered from depression and anxiety disorders. I had to hit rock bottom before I could see where I was driving my life so I could change it. I finally realized that I wanted to be more than just a drugee and cut drugs out completely until I got structured enough to the point I could smoke occasionally. I cleared my system, got a job, got a car, got better grades (well scratch that, I never did care for homework but I got by with C's by getting A's on the tests) but mostly I got a life, a life that means something. I did have a crutch most people don't, my gf was beside me every step of the way. It made things easier for me, but I think the changes would have occured regardless. I'm now close to getting my real estate license so I can get well enough of a job to get married with my fiance as well as study towards my PhD in particle physics. Quite the turn around from being a broke ass bum doing any drug he could get his hands on, getting arrested or suspended every month or so. It wasn't easy, but it can be done, and I assure you, it is well worth it. You can continue to smoke the days away or you can turn your life into something that means something. I'd reccomend cutting the drug use down a bit, but hell, I still smoke. :tongue:
yeah dude, its totally not a satisfactory answer, i remember, but really its part of absorbing life with your consciousness, like not really growing up but just a part of thinking about life. haha im so high, just letting my words meander... umm, the biggest thing i find makes life crappy is expecting too much from it. like anticipation, if you over-anticipate stuff it tends to make it less fun IMO. it feels like my life simplified a lot since i moved out of my dads house. maybe its that or maybe its just that i stopped caring overly about everything, like things like what other people think of me, gossip, general seriousness of life. its a wierd thing that happens slow and creeps up on ya. umm lol still babbling, well dude you have my support, i dunno if it helps but id smoke you up if you were here across the pond. see ya man
I know how fifteen felt, but... I still think you have a few years to find out what depression really is. That and I've lived with depression all my life and it's sometimes overwhelming. You really don't know what it is till you go though bouts of insomnia and hypersomnia and it gets to the point where you gain and lose weight on and off all the time, then end up laying in bed for the rest of the day wether you're asleep or staring at the ceiling/wall.... or screaming for no reason five minutes later.
you dont have a friend you would trust your life to? wen it comes down to it, my mom or my sisters would probably kill to protect me (if it was the only choice of course). plus I know a few friends who would kill to protect me if they had to. life is all about the people you are around and what you make of your own life.
Well, yea thats true. No matter what you believe, anything, even simple non-existance, is a reposition
^ Hmmm... thanks for the sunshine My Man, You are doing the right thing. First step to fixing a problem is realizing that there might be one. I get fed up myself with the "big" picture of life from time to time. It can seem overwhelming but its not. You seem pretty smart and might be bored. As for work, check with your city hall or similar for seasonal work for the summer. There are parks and pools and they usually need people. Playleader, swimming aid, all sorts of stuff opens up for public service. It is a great way to get paid to play and part time leads to full time. Spring is in the air my man and change is around the corner. \m/ -B
I was that way the whole time before I stopped smoking, and when I stopped for 2 months. Really sucked, just gotta duke it out and find something to get hyped about. Personally I am a musicaholic so when I am feeling more shitty than usual I just search for new music to get into. It is a good habit cuz it is endless and not dangering, except for it being illegal to download songs w/o paying ;D
Same here, I can also seem to tell if someone is intelligent or stupid through their eyes. Like an IQ level sort of stupid. It is weird, but it is a good thing to have when you are buying weed and can use trickery xD.
