I like this very much, you have some powerful imagery and a nice turn of phrase. IMHO, I think you could break it up a bit more, making a break at...
My first thought is to edit for proper capitalization. Sometime's it's "I" and others it's "i". I sense the confusion of the narrator, but it...
Exhausted, used heart - bruised sapped by heat-suck hectic urban. I need to escape – shedding its labels of suffocation. The embrace of...
Separate names with a comma.
