Structure-wise this is awesome! I like the way the words trip on my mind. Contentwise; sounds just like my megalomanic-depressive old man. Good...
Awesome flying poem. suggestions 1 Switch 'pink' and 'cobalt'; reads smoother. 2 Switch 'would' and 'I' in line 4 Punctuation not necessary....
Got some kicks out of this. I like your style. Not real keen on the "hair like waterfalls of chocolaty water" thing. But hilarious. Keep on writin!
Separate names with a comma.
