Hmm.... sounds promising. Could you do it slow, but shove something down their throats so they can't scream. I have to get up early tomorrow, you see? I will now drink a beer, every hour on the hour, toasting to their demise with every draught. Keep in mind, they're making me do this.
SONUVABITCH!!!! :$ My upstairs neighbors can't do ANYTHING without banging, or stomping, or yelling, or blasting, or honking!! When I kill them, I hope they can at least DIE quietly.
Ah...you silly, silly man. Don't you know by now that they are completely incapable of doing ANYTHING quietly? I think that they're secretly afraid they'll cease to exist if they stop making noise. And besides, if you kill them, they'll probably just a) make a hell of a ruckus with their last gasping breath, and b) come back to haunt you and then you'll NEVER be rid of them. I say save the pennies and move when the lease is up and let some other sorry S.O.B. fantasize over their timely demise. And besides....disposing of bodies is such a pain. :X
Yesterday evening, the nosiest of my upstairs' neighbors dogs met an untimely demise with a speeding car in front of our house. I had nothing to do with it. After hearing the screams and cries of sorrow from my upstairs neighbors I felt genuinely sad for them. So I dropped a sympathy card in their mail box after work today. Thought it was the civilized thing to do. Civilized. About an hour ago I discovered that, before the little pooch decided to play in traffic, he took a big crap on the stairs going down to the laundry room. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for two things: 1) I was barefoot. And 2) One of my upstairs neighbors had already discovered (the hard way) said present and merely scraped it off their shoe on the edge of each of the stairs, and moved on. "I swear to God, one day soon, I'm gonna burn this whole place down."
