Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business." Vanilla Pudding Once inside the bank, just after midnight, their efforts at disabling the alarm system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank. The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, but inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, "At least we'll have a bit to eat." The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all of the safes had been opened. They did not find even one pound sterling, not a single diamond, nor an ounce of gold. Instead, every one of the safes contained little, covered bowls of pudding. Disappointed, they made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs. The newspaper headline read: IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING !
A Christian was out hunting one day when a huge Grizzly came out of the woods right in front of him. He backed up and got his rifle up to his eye just as the bear was coming at him. Pulled the trigger.....nothing, checked the safety, off, pulled again, again no go. His gun had jammed and he was cornered against a cliff. The bear swatted the gun away, knocked him to the ground and sat on his chest, licking his lips. The hunter prayed to God in desperation, "Please let this grizzly bear be a Christian, God, I beg you." The bear leaned back and lifted his paws off the man's shoulders. Then he put them together, bent his head down, and growled "Dear Lord, thank you for this food that you have provided for me to eat today. Amen." A man asked God, " Is it not true that a million dollars is like a penny to You?" God replied " Yes, just as a million years is like a second." The man continued "Well, could You send me a penny then?" God answered back, " Certainly, my son, just a second."
heh, thats a good one, with god. yeah... stole this from "History of the World, Part 1" but whatever ----------------------------------------------- Moses comes down from Mount Sinai in the desert and he's holding three tabelets. "Behold, thy lord has given us 15-" he drops a tablet"uh, 10! 10 commandments!"
