Rhapsodies on the Death of an Already Dead Flower (a poem to Everyone)

Here's my first real attempt at poetry. So don't be too harsh ;-)

Like a fading flower in the spring seasoned sun
I feel most alone when together with Everyone

Petal by Petal, I fall apart
Each time one hits the ground so does a piece of my heart

My hands, I see them, they lie on the floor
Wish for someone to hold them, I can no more

My ears...my ears! Music, I can't hear!
The only friend I've ever had...now dissappeared

My eyes see the world,
but the world only sees itself
At the moment I rose into the sun,
I also began to sink, here, into man's pelf


Petal by Petal
I fall apart.
The landscape may be bright and beautiful
But the atmosphere is dark, dark, dark.

My legs, for them, can't, anymore, dance
Doesn't matter anyway, they never gave me the chance.

Petal by petal
I.fall.apart.

Each time one hits the ground, so does a piece of my heart

How dreadful! I am now just a pair of glassy eyes,
But come to think of it...the feeling isn't any different than the one when I was alive.









...I watch my arms rest silently on Her bed
It's a wonder, we don't notice the beauty in the dead.

 

Very good. It was, emotionaly inspiring to me due to some experiances. Very well done. I hope to see more of your work sometime.

 

You've got a strong alliterative beginning and then you draw us in with that terrific petal image, an analogy-cum-metaphor. I like it. You're very comfortable in some sections and it shows:
'Petal by Petal
I fall apart.
The landscape may be bright and beautiful
But the atmosphere is dark, dark, dark.'
In other areas you're perplexing:

'My eyes see the world,
but the world only sees itself
At the moment I rose into the sun,
I also began to sing, here, into man's pelf'

Write on! A muse is sleeping in your room.

 

I'm glad that it was inspiring to you, camwoo. That makes me feel great

And kidder, thanks for being so specific! That helps me a lot. And I just noticed that I made a typo! For this section:


"My eyes see the world,
but the world only sees itself
At the moment I rose into the sun,
I also began to sing, here, into man's pelf"


It's actually supposed to be:


"My eyes see the world,
but the world only sees itself
At the moment I rose into the sun,
I also began to sink, here, into man's pelf"



oops!