my little brother confronted me the other day and he asked why? and i had never really thought about it... I AM A SELF MUTALATOR... my whole life i have been in ad out of mental hospitials... everyone wants to know why i am how i am... but no one in my 18 years has ever asked me why i cut myself... I rmember the first time i realized i cut... I was in the second grade and i was so angry i kinda blacked out and when i woke up my teacher was over top of me screaming... they put me in the hospital... my mom said i had been doing it since i was two... i had never noticed and amazingly no one thought it was a problem no one untill my teacher... I still cut.. to this day... i cut this morning... i cut about once a week... i am okay with it... no one else is but i am... and its the cause of somuch drama... i just want people to leave me alone about it... so why do i do it well i do it beacause i havent yet learned another way to deal with life... and i deal with me dealing with it... this is my confession
i support your decision and understand your predicament though i hope you find something else that helps, it is an addiction but you don't need the people around you in hysterics there are worse things peace and love
maybe you just have too much blood in your body. maybe next time you can try to donate blood when you have the impulse to cut yourself
hi feelingfreakish, well reading your comment i feel like youre getting quite well along with hurting yourself and you just want the others to accept the way you deal with life´s complicated sides.....and i know this feeling too,quite well. but i think you should see the other´s concern as a good reason trying to get away with your psychical problem (<-im sorry for assuming you to have ps. problems,but i do think it is to be taken seriously ). by the by, i suffered from bulimia a couple of years ago and i also was thinking as you do!!!!bye sarah
Cutting only hurts the people around you more and more. Please, try to find some other way to get your feelings out. Try writing or somethin.
Let's make a deal. We here will accept your decision to self-mutilate if you want to, but you have to seriously let us try to find something that works better for you, aye?
i apperiacte everyones conceerns... i really do but i wonder how many of you drink or do hard drugs or scream and cry and get angry... we all have or relases some just seem much more greusome then others... i would love to find another way to deal with things.... sometimes its out of habit... cutting is a very dangerous way to deal with life but a lot of people do things that society seems to view as okay but with deeper thought all dealings casue descturction... science proves that even with stress you are killing yourself... maybe instead of seeing it as me beelding see it as a realease of pain through physical ways... I really od appericate everyone being worried thank you...
oh,this is a great idea,isnt it?!?! for my part,there is a huge acceptance to your behavior feelinfreakish, but i would just like to know one special thing: what do you feel like or what is the situation like after you have done these injuries ??? (i still remember i was being very releaved (almost quickenend!) and morbidly, i was feeling very comfortable after having hurt myself..so in a way i needed to do myself this kinda harm for feeling happy,i wanted to hurt me,i didnt feel like having deserved any better....bu´thats just how it was with me) bye sarah
I am soory i hadnt actually been cutting myself with an object since i was like two i scrached myself and used other things to scrach me.... my mom was kinda responable she thought it was normal kid wounds she didnt realize they were self inflicted untill we started going to counsleing... before i cut i almost have an anxeity attack its like i cant breathe and i see the world through some sort of film kinda like the world slows down i cant really explain it... and i dont actually know how i feel when i cut i feel ... free.. and afterwards i feel noraml again ... i dont feel out of control anymore... its weird... i have had to do the whole support group thing and everyone seems to have different was of explaining it... but i have found i feel just back to being able to go on...
okay i was talking to duck and i guess i didnt really make it too obiviuos... i am in like a trance state and dont, really know what i am doing... i dont decide to cut... i just do it with out thinking about it...
Hey, worrying about stuff is what hippies do best. ^_^ I don't drink, I don't do hard drugs, and I try to keep the screaming/crying to an absolute minimum. That's not to say I can't relate; I myself used to cut; kind of have an abusive father. The thing I figured out is ... I used to cut because I had a bunch of pent up pressure/aggression/tension that I needed to get out; and one of the ways of getting it out was to bring on some physical pain to "phase out" the emotional pain. It might work the same inside you; you have to figure it out for yourself. Either way, one day I decided, you know what, fuck cutting, I'm going to do something constructive. Popped in a video game, and I was so pissed (and therefore, focused and genuinely whole-hearted) I set a new high score which I still have been unable to beat. Made me feel kinda good. =P Now that's me. Find something you like ... and it doesn't have to be artsy or anything; it could be something aggressive like beating the shit out of a pillow or heck ... getting an axe and chopping some firewood or something. Have you considered martial arts? GREAT way for releasing tension, staying fit, and learning stuff at the same time. Channel your anger into ambitious effort. =)
I think I'm in a similar situation to the original poster. Only my closest friend knows about the extent of my cutting, and few others know at all. It seems hypocritical when he rags on me about it. I understand why he's concerned about me and I really am grateful that I have such a fantastic caring friend. But he used to cut. And the only reason that he stopped is that he is a very heavy marijuana smoker. And I don't really see the difference in finding relief in a razor blade or in a pipe. Another thing that bothers me is that people seem more concerned about the cuts on my arm than the hurt that I feel emotionally. A few little scratches are nothing compared to the magnitude of pain that drives people to hurt themselves.
i hope i'm not being off-putting by asking these things, but i'll ask anyway... so with these trance-like states, do they last long, and how much of the trance-time is spent cutting? you said you 'just cut,' you don't actually decide to.... so can you control any aspects of your self while in this state? are you capable of controlling the muscles in your hands, for example? i don't mean that do sound condescending or patronizing, i'm just curious as to how this state works. are you able to make other decisions? what happens if you do not cut (for whatever reason, perhaps one beyond your control), does the trance eventually go away or does it remain until you cut? although it's not your intention to hurt other people by your cutting, you are hurting them. in reference to one of your posts on the first page: yes, cutting is more gruesome, but crying and screaming and getting angry don't hurt other people the same way that cutting does... that's why they haven't left you alone about it, and crying is considered more acceptable (barring of course, those who cut/cry just for attention or manipulative purposes). crying and screaming is a good and healthy release, there's even "scream therapy." when you cry, you are releasing neurotransmitters that make you feel better... but with tears there is no risk of cutting a major vein or getting an infection, or tetnis, etc.
