Help?! Whats wrong with my mother!?

Ok... I am 23 and still live at home with my mom while i work practically full time. I am an only child and my parents have been divorced since I was 2. I have little contact with my father, and was always led to believe he was a complete jerk via my mom. But now I am beginning to realize that maybe he had a viable reason for wanting a divorce. My mom is 47 and has been diagnosed with clinical depression for as long as i can remember, she use to see a therapist but not anymore. I was practically raised by my grandma since my mom was working alot. But from what I can remember, my mom lost her temper ALOT, threw things, yelled and stomped around the house...then she would burst into tears. I just thought "ok shes just emotional"...but now I have a feeling that its more than that and its more than depression....bi polar maybe?BPD? Geez I dont know. Ok let me explain recent events.

She has been out of a job for 8 months now...she was to stressed and took a break...then decided she didnt want to go back. In the meantime she went "shopping and hung out with her friends for a few months", not really job hunting at all...spending money on thrift store items she claimed to have bought to sell on ebay which she has never done. She buys the craziest things for no reason and piles them everywhere...there is hardly an empty surface or wall in our house! She has had sooooo many ideas of things to do and she NEVER goes through with them! She will be alll nice one day then scream at me the next over the pettiest things. So heres the point, sorry its long.

I am working....she has no income, mine isnt enough for us to live on and she goes to her friends house for almost 4 days...comes home, I get home from work (worked all weekend)...she yells at me saying how all I do is sleep with my boyfriend and I dont do anything around the house....I left a few dishes around and forogt to put the cushions on the couch after I used the bed. She goes to bed and slams her door. I go into my room and theres a letter saying how when she got home and saw the mess (got home from a little vacation!!!! while i was WORKING!)...she started crying...."oh boo hoo"......saying I have no respect for her...blah blah....what the hell is her problem?!

 

Sounds to me like you need to move out. If you're working and taking care of YOU AND HER, then you could definitely move out and simply just cut out the middle man and take care of yourself.

My mom acted like that...for years and years when I was a kid. Then she died of a drug overdose. You think maybe that's the problem? Could she be having drug problems?

not that it's any of my business, but personally I think you should just let her have her space. Let her take care of herself. She's old enough, she can make it on her own.

 

wether she has a drug problem or not...not your problem...get a place of your own whether with friends or on your own but just be responsible for yourself...then you do not have that added complication within your relationship and you may find it a bit clearer...good luck too...sounds like you are sweet and in for a bit of a ride!!!

 

Wow! This sounds all too familiar! My cousin went threw this same thing. Her mom had every wrong with her that someone could have. She always depended on my cousin for everything, money, a ride, clean, cook, everything; while she was out living it up! And truthfully the only thing that has helped her is that she moved out and got away from that! Since then her mom has realized that she does have major problems and is now getting help for it. But until my cousin moved out, her mom didn't realize she had a problem because my cousin was always there to help.
In the end honey, MOVE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! She will have to find a way to support herself!

 

I would say you should try to get her to see a therapist again. Not sure if you guys can afford one, but it's worth a shot. What if you did some job hunting for her, tried to find a job she'd be interested in, even if it was just part-time (like working in one of those thrift shops she seems to enjoy... then she'd get a discount as well)

My mom used to be like that, though not as extreme. She'd yell and scream at me, because she was having an awful day. She'd realize afterwards what she'd done, and usually apologized to me... whenever we'd get into fights, I'd run off to my room crying and she'd start crying too. We can both be a little emotionally volatile, but not quite bad enough to be diagnosed with anything (my mom was clinically depressed when she was a teenager though). There is a point between normal stuff that you just tough out, and stuff that's beyond normal.... I'm not entirely sure where that point is, but it sounds like your mom's past it.

Look for outside help, from people who know how to deal with this stuff. Hell, if nothing else talk to the rest of your family and see if they'd be willing to chip in for the therapists fee.

 

I disagree with the above poster. THAT IS HER MOTHER. She shouldn't be taking care of her mother! No one held my hand to go find a job as a teenager...and I don't know many that did have someone holding their hand and finding a job for them. NO WAY!

This is her mother's life to live, not hers.

Sweetie, you're only 23. You should be taking care of yourself....

I'm not trying to sound heartless, but the way I see it. You just need to remove yourself from the situation. Your mother has too many problems for you to deal with alone.

 

as much as she should take care of herself more, it is still her mom, and it's family.

she needs to take care of herself and move out if possible, but don't just give up on her mom and leave her with her problems herself.

 

I'm not saying she should be the only one to deal with the problem, hence the therapist and possibly contacting other family members.

I couldn't imagine just cutting loose and letting my mother or friends deal with their problems all by themselves. If it's too much for this gal to deal with, how can her mother cope all by herself? I've had friends with some serious problems, and as frustrating as it is, I've never completely given up on helping them. Some people need external motivation to stop fucking up with their lives

 

two words: move out.

 

What you have said about your mother does lean towards Bi Polar Disorder, however, I am not licensed yet and cannot give a full diagnosis. I would suggest sitting down with her and having a long talk. Explain to her how you feel. If that fails (and if she is Bi Polar, there is a good chance that it may), then maybe the rest of your family can help gather together for a loving intervention of sorts. The positive influence of family might be a drive for her to retain appointments. Just make sure that she is seeing a psychologist and not a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists only administer medication which is often times useless and uneffective.

She may want help but be too afraid to ask, or she may not believe that there is anything wrong with her. Either way, I would suggest that you be there for her as much as possible. If her behavoir is taking an emotional toll on you, then by all means, find a place of your own. However, dropping in to visit her on a regular basis would be beneficial to your relationship. She may view your move as a sign of distrust or it may leave her feeling that you no longer care, so it is important to have contact with her for reassurance.

I hope that things begin to look up for the both of you and God Bless.

 

Dear God! Get out of that house this week!!! Do not look back!!! If you try to *help*you are setting yourself up for a LIFETIME of emotional enslavement..for all the other people out there who *need help* and there are basquillions of them, alcoholic boyfriends and abusers of every stripe!!!! You are NOT RESPONSIBLE TO HELP HER IN ANY WAY!!!!! This is ENABLING, and a classic condition that developes when we caring spiritual people try to do something positive...IT NEVER WORKS. maybe for a brief time, but people always go back to their ways until they hit rock bottom, sometimes death or prison or worse. YOU are a young woman and responsible to yourself. ONLY. please pack your stuff and go to a shelter if you have to, LIVE IN YOUR CAR, if you need to (it's not that bad, i did it last summer when mine broke down in reno). JUST GET OUT!!!!!!!!