as some of you might remember, my boyfriend, Kyle, died a little over a month ago. he was the first guy i ever loved and it's been really hard. but through all of this, i've had a lot of really great people to lean on. one of the people that has been there the most is his brother, Kevin. we talk almost every night, and i've started feeling a lot better because of our chats... he distracts me from the pain. lately though, i've noticed that Kevin has become very flirty with me. at first i just thought he was being friendly. but last night he confessed that he has feelings for me and has for some time now. i was in shock of course! i mean, this is my boy's brother! i do have a little bit of feelings for him as well, but i feel like i would be cheating on Kyle if i ended up getting with his brother. i told him that i thought he is probably just looking for comfort right now, and that's why he's feeling this way about me. he got mad and said that his feelings are "deep and pure" and not b/c his brother loved me. i dont know what to do! i do have some feelings for him, but i think it's because i'm looking for affection and understanding, and not because i actually like him. i'm not sure how to go about telling him all of this though. i've never had to turn anyone down that i actually cared about before. so i guess what i'm asking yall is... what do i do? what is the best way to break the news to a fantastic guy that i'm just not ready for a relationship, and in all likely hood i may never want one with him? i care about this guy a lot, and i dont want to hurt him. i just dont know what to do!!!
If you've been reading my posts since January I've been going on about how this girl I really liked had told me "not now" and how frustrated I felt, so this'll seem a little bit wierd coming from me. Tell him "not now" - he'll understand hopefully. If he doesn't then, to be honest that's his problem, but the truth is you are simply not ready for a relationship now. I read an extract from captain Correlli's Mandolin by Louis De Bernedas that said that two people in love are like two trees - at first they are seperate trees and then they blossom - once the blossoming has died down the trees are actually intertwined. This is true love. This analogy stuck in my mind a lot when I split up from my longterm girlfriend because she pulled away very quickly and I imagined two trees that are intertwined and are suddenly ripped away from eachother. It would be painful, there would be branches torn away. I thought "wouldn't it be so much easier if they grew apart slowly". Your other tree has died and you've got to grow away from him slowly. Kevin cannot expect any more than that of you. With love Sebbi
Whoa, you have to tell him straight up. Because it's the truth!! I don't see how you could be ready for a relationship yet, and I think you agree. IMHO, you may both be reaching out for a part of Kyle trying to hold on. This is probably natural, but you need to realize it for what it is. It sounds like he doesn't realize that it may be that. He may honestly think his feelings are "pure", and they may be, but it wouldn't be hard for his feelings to stem from some emotional tie to Kyle. It also seems like you realize your need for affection as a result of this, and I don't think those are good terms to go into a relationship with. Again, just be honest. You have no other chioce. He HAS to understand the situation. And if he doesn't, I think he may not be good "boyfriend" material anyway. Just my opinion... take care
If you don't like him then tell him. You're not hurting him, he's hurting himself. Now, if you flirted with him, then you should apologize for doing so. If not, don't worry. He'll get over it.
