When did your "desires" begin to shift more towards males?

Even though I have had the desire for sex with men for most of my life now, I’m not gay. I’m bisexual
I guess. My sexual desires are for both men and women. Romantically
Ive always been attracted to women. I honestly don’t spend a lot of time considering what label fits me. I’ve had gay friends whom
I have had sex with and I enjoy them. I also have friends who are married to women and I have sex with them and enjoy it. so it’s not a “l might be gay thing, it’s a “I like cock thing”.

 

That’s me, a closeted married bisexual male. I’ve come to the conclusion that it will always be that way. I’ve discussed this in other threads.
You hit the nave on the head, there is simply too much at stake to make my sexuality public. It’s a loosing proposition for me to expect everyone else to understand and accept it. It won’t happen and it would destroy my life to think everyone should. So this part of my life is secret known only to the men I am sexual with. Many of them live the same life I do.
Is it perfect? No, but not much of life is. We have compromise and adjustment all through our lives. It’s not terrible, I enjoy my life.

 

Windman:

I think you are wise indeed for keeping your bisexuality private; that is not only a mature decision, but also an intelligent one.

Having only the guys you "get it on with" know the REAL you, I feel, is a smart, savvy move on your part.

While I HAVE heard of some married bi males whose wives are pretty cool with their husbands being bisexual, there are, sadly that many more wives who would literally go through a MAJOR meltdown and freakout, if they knew their spouse was also into guys.

IMHO, discretion and a mature, realistic outlook here is KEY..........

 

In this situation the major problem becomes immediately obvious. "Bad enough" that "Joe" woke up this morning panting because he had an erotic dream of being screwed by a lot of men and in his dream, he was enjoying it... then he looks over and sees his wife lying next to him.

Fuck. If "Joe" decides that he needs to do something about this desire, he might want his wife along his new journey of discovery but very likely knows that if he were to tell her about this dream - and any other thoughts and feelings he may have had, sure, things could get ugly and "history" bears this out. So, if he decides to meet with "Dan" so the two of them can find out if it's really true that guys suck cock better than women, he's going to have to hit the DL and while the worry about other people - including the wives involved with these two - is very real, it remains true that the only way either of the wives are going to find out is if their husbands come clean and tells them. Or they're careless and get caught in the act or a few other things I can't think of right now.

It might sound callous but remember what I said before about the loss of image and reputation being the worst thing? You can find another wife if she loses her shit over "Joe" admitting to her that he's been sucking cock behind her back; the material and financial loss can be devastating but not as bad as the new ex-wife telling everyone she knows why she divorced "Joe" and outing him in the process and doing even more damage to his image and reputation. This is worst-case scenario stuff because, on the other hand, the worse that could happen could... not happen. It depends on a lot of things and a lot of situations but worrying about this is putting the cart before the horse because "Joe" still has to come to grips over the fact that he's been totally heterosexual his whole life but now his thoughts, feelings, and even his dreams about naked men, their asses, and big, hard dicks dripping with pre-cum..

This is enough to really upset a lot of men. Parsing all of this might not be all that easy for a guy... or it might be. We tend to think and act like "Joe" waking up with a bad case of dick-on-the-brain is does it mean that "Joe" is gay? Oh, fuck no. Does any of this mean that he has to do something about it? Hell, no. Is this normal? Apparently, it is since, again, a lot of guys have this happen to them.

 

KD23:

Another excellent, concise,on-the-mark response; another thing I often wonder about is that, when a "closeted" bi married male slowly starts to "come out" with a FWB (or two), who, like himself are also bisexual AND married, and it finally starts to dawn on him:

"Hey, guess I'm not alone in this, after all!"

Odd, how some bi married guys are (very) fortunate enough to have spouses who understand their husband's needs, and give them the "green light", while others would TOTALLY freak out if they knew of their husbands having sex with other men.

Then, too, it would HAVE to get even more complex (and, IMHO, even more stimulating!) if the bi guy is also deeply emotionally involved with the guy he is fucking with, say his best buddy, who he's been "tight" with for many year.

An emotional bond between two "tight" male buddies (especially if they are getting it on together) can be a powerful force, unto itself.........

 

....for every bi married male, I am sure, there are a hundred and one stories, and I am also sure, more than a few "hair raisers"......

 

Do you think that finding out that you now like cock is hair raising enough? That "I don't believe this is happening!" moment to look down and see a guy's mouth full of your cock? The "I don't believe I'm sucking his cock!" moment?

 

KD23:

EXACTLY!

It would be, pretty much, a brand-new "frontier" dawning on the horizon!

Also, even the "exploration" of just what two men can do with each other sexually will be a mind-blowing experience, for sure!

Like , "Shit, I had no idea it would be THIS hot!"

 

Yeah, that can feel other worldly. Who knew? You can watch all the "gay porn" you want and what you see is going on between... guys who aren't you and someone else. You get the sights and sound, but your other senses are absent because the guy getting a masterful blowjob... isn't you. It's not you feeling that curious silky hardness of another guy's prick in your mouth and his pre-cum coating your tongue or, better yet, getting that first taste of another guy's spunk and acquiring the taste.

I've said it time and time again: The many times I've been with a guy who felt the desire and chose me to explore it with and when the smoke clears he's saying, "I had no idea it could be like this!" and one of my favorites, "How come I haven't done this before now?"

Welcome to my world. Enjoy your stay.

 

KD23:

Think of when the formerly "closeted" bi guy gets his butt pounded for the first time; indeed, this would be a classic "Star Trek" moment:

"......to boldly go where no other man has gone before......"

 

Oh, no he didn't...

 

KD23:

You lost me, here......

 

A Star Trek joke?

 

KD23:

Gotcha!

Yep, that was a classic "Star Trek" line that I thought was appropriate for the topic....(!!)

 

If (in particular) a bi married malefinds that his first M2M encounter has far exceeded any expectations he might have had previously, I can easily see just how easily the guy can become "a-DICK-ted".

Once again, discretion plays an important role, to be sure; as in ANY "casual" sexual encounter, it is ALWAYS wise to think with your BRAIN and NOT with what you have behind your zipper...........

 

If a sexual act is just exactly that (regardless whether it is straight, gay, or bi), I feel that if a man who enjoys both males and females as sexual partners could just simply say:

"I LOVE SEX......ANY SEX".......period.

End of story.

Though I have said this many times before, NO ONE should dictate to you on HOW to live your life; it is not ANY of their concern.....LIVE it as YOU want to, and sweep the bigots and naysayers under the carpet.

Screw the labels...............

 

The guy who decides to do something about these new desires tends to get addicted to it. I know that once I sucked cock, I lost my fucking mind sucking any and every cock I could get my mouth on and as an adult, well, I'm not that insane but the love and joy of cocksucking is forever with me. I found that it's okay to be attracted to the sex and when those "what/which do you prefer" questions come up, my answer is, "I prefer to have sex..." because why wouldn't I prefer this? But this is me and guys with this new desire will find that their results will vary as they try to find out what they really like and what they don't like.

You say - and correctly so - that no one should dictate to you on how to lie your life and this makes sense... if you're single; when you're in a relationship, this is a whole different critter and one that can become problematic when you're trying to be true to yourself and in a situation where you're not really allowed to be true to this part of your life.

 

KD23:

AAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

IMHO, I always believed that a guy who both tops AND bottoms indeed experiences the "best of both worlds".

Not only can he fuck another guy, but he can also experience the nerve-tingling thrill of getting his tight butt fucked HIMSELF!

Same for "chowing down on the ol' trouser python"........(!!)

 

I've topped and I've bottomed because I was "raised" to be versatile or, if I do it to you, you have to do it to me and in my peer group, there was only one exception. That meant that if I sucked you (and off), you sucked me (and off) and if I fuck you (which was usually a given) you fuck me (it was expected and welcomed). All grown up and if you don't suck cock, the deal is automatically broken and if you don't have that certain something, you're not gonna get this ass and I may or may not be interested in filing your ass up. This is stuff learned over decades of sexual experiences with guys and a reluctance to play "D/s" games with guys and sex.

Guys feeling the desire should give a lot of thought to what he wants to do/experience. Some guys today already know what they want to do and experience; there's nothing wrong with this but I'd caution them because I know their experiences may seriously vary because there's what you think should happen and then there's what the other guy might be thinking about this. I also tell new guys to try... everything and to keep an open mind about everything but be aware of your limits.