Wish i knew where all the feelings and desires came from....

First off let me start by saying No. No i have never been touched as a child. No i did not have any kind of sexual desires for men. No I was never not in charge in the Bed. No I never wore womens clothes, and whole lot of of other No's

Here in the last 3-4 years i have had increasing desires and fantasies. Desires and Fantasies id never even do with a female but want to with a male. I do not understand where the want comes from. Sometimes its all i think about and stand up to soaked boxers. Then feeliengs keep getting more and more. I mean when i was younger in my mid 20's i got hit on by a couple of guys i knew naturally i said no (but the inside part of me that had more bravery than my exterior me wanted me to stay). THen in my thirties i dated a woman who wanted to peg me (I said no) but wanted her too. I think she wanted to see me with her male roommate. WHich i have thought about a TON. i do not know where all this is coming from and i do not know how to let go

 

Sorry I know it is long winded and makes no sense.

 

I have found that once a guy gets these thoughts in his head, it's very hard to get them out or be able to and completely ignore them. Some guys can shut it out and down... but I think they're the exception more than the rule. Now, where does it come from? I think it's hidden inside of all of us but sometimes it shows up "right away," sometimes it waits until middle age and sometimes it waits to show up when you're in your 50s and 60s and sometimes... it never shows up. My theory is that it's a genetic memory and one that has been passed down from generation to generation and from the first times humans started having homosexual sex and some very likely found that having both just works, too.

That this landed on you despite all of those "no's" you had doesn't surprise me. It happens to a lot of guys and like it's happened to you so the first thing to understand is that you're not as alone as you might be feeling. I'd ask that you not let this stress you out but, yeah, it might and depending on how... compelled you feel to do something about what you're thinking and feeling. And... it never goes away. It might hide in the back of your mind and maybe it'll stay there but as many guys here can tell you, it's always there.

 

Oh, it makes perfectly good sense!

 

Thanks for the reply KDaddy, i keep puttting it in the back but it keeps coming back up all the time. Sometimes its all I think about. THank you again for the response.

 

I feel the same way . I put it down to age and no sex at home for a number of years. However the feelings are so strong that I have started to look for a safe avenue to explore some of it.

 

Age and no sex at home are certainly some things that will "trigger" these feelings for sex with a man. I've never really understood how this works or even makes sense but I know that it happens and I know that a lot of guys who got hit "out of nowhere" with this has gone on to have sex with a guy and enjoying the hell out of it.

 

Yeah, what KDaddy said. Actually as more and more people are learning, sexual orientation is not fixed, but on a spectrum. We all have these bi feelings inside us somewhere. Circumstances that have already been mentioned can change them. Relax, accept, and enjoy.

 

For me the older I get the stronger the desires for sex with men gets. I first fantasized about sex with guys in my early 20s, but probably only 5% of my sexual fantasies involved men at that time. By my 30s those fantasies were probably 50/50 between men and women. In my late 40s I got divorced and finally had oral sex with a few guys and loved it. Now in my late 50s my sexual fantasies and desires are easily 90/10 in favor of men. But the issue I face is that I'm married again. And my desire for sex with men is really strong and just gets stronger as each year passes.

 

thanks for all the responses Guys

 

When I was young, I thought about it, maybe masterbated to gay porn here and there. Feelings were always there but like others said no sex at home was completely shut off desire grew and I finally gave in temptation and loved it. I still love women but sex with a guy and I do everything is so primal and physical it’s hard to put into words what I feel. I know having sex with guys have made me sexual and opened a kinky side I only fantasized about. Once you do it you’ll love it

 

understand as much as i can on this. THanks for sharing Older

 

There is nothing wrong with having desire about other men.
Just means you think a little outside the box.
Does not mean there is anything wrong with you.

If you are secure with yourself you have to decide on if you want to act on this desire.
Just have to be careful because there are a lot of people out there who would like to take advantage of you.

 

Thanks Longzi

 

Thanks Longzi

 

Our sexuality is on a continuum, we change over time. Don’t let the notion that there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. I started with the same kind of desires fairly young (in my teens) and was able to suppress them until my 40’s. It’s not an either or thing for me I enjoy both men and women. It is part of who I am.

 

Thanks Windman

 

The taboo against male-male sex makes it all the more delicious. Like so many other pan sexual men, I really cherish sexual freedom. When I'm in a naked full-body embrace with a man I like, there is a tingling in my balls that screams about sexual freedom to the heavens.

Celebrate sexual freedom with all of your lovers, male, female, and non-binary. Most of us want to be loved passionately and completely.

 

I agree, where it comes from is that it's just built into everyone's DNA, and as such, is a genetic memory, like you say. Or as a Buddhist, I'd say that we are just so familiar with homosexual desires and activities from our infinite past lives, that that memory just gets triggered through our individual karma in this life, for some of us. My trigger throughout most of my life has been rejection by women: whenever a woman rejected my proposal for a date, or a second or third date, the gay desires would just be there spontaneously, and in a powerful, primordial way. That would lead to jerking off to tons of gay porn, and eventually, without control, to seeking out getting naked with a real guy. It's like the best that my internalized homophobia could do was give me permission to have gay desires and gay sex only after a woman rejects me and I can't get pussy. Or that the pain that I was feeling after such rejection was powerful enough to suppress the internalized homophobia, and allow my natural gay side free reign.

My first girlfriend breaking up with me at 30 for the third time in our 3-year relationship (I lost my virginity with her at 27) started my gay desires to flourish; every rejection by a woman after that drove me to have sex with guys; and finally breaking up with my second girlfriend at 57, who broke up with me many times during our 3-year relationship, allowed me to finally realize that I've been homosexual all along, and now free to fully live as a gay man, and maybe even find love with another man. I now know that in this life, I was simply born mostly homosexual, and I've just been fighting it.

What a waste, and such a shame for that to happen to me and so many other guys, whether bisexual or homosexual. But we shouldn't need to have triggers. We should simply believe and accept that there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with other guys, if you're a guy, or other women if you're a woman. It is 100% natural, something humans (and animals) have done since beginningless time, a wonderful way to have some fun in this miserable world, and most important of all, to freely live as the person you are, someone who loves same-sex sex.

 

It's a lot easier to hook up with men!

As to the original question, sometimes we have these desires but we suppress them "I shouldn't feel this way" "It's wrong" "I'm married" or whatever else, so we suppress those desires. Another possibility is that we're not static beings. our physiology changes constantly and so does what we want from life. I had desires for men back in my 20's but chose not to act, I had desires for women as well and did choose to act. After my separation 4 years ago following 21 years of marriage I decided life was too short and put myself out there on several different forums. Since then I've been able to act out many of my male/male fantasies. Some, like being tied up, and 3+ partners haven't happened yet.

It is likely those desires will not go away. I still like women, but having sex with men fulfills a long-standing fantasy and has been quite satisfying