Normally when I see Qs like the ones I'm about to ask, I think: I don't know. Get a goddamn therapist like the rest of us, motherfucker! But, my therapist of 10 years dropped me due to this issue: Short version: Horrible breakup a year ago. Afterward didn't want to date anyone for a while. Because the relationship was most important of my life and knew I would just compare anyone new to the woman I broke up with. But proceeded to date three more women, hoping to have fuck-buddy arrangements. But they all quickly turned into more than that and I got cranky and felt trapped and couldn't hang. Now not dating for a time TBD for previous reason and also, just dated too many women in the past two years and just fucking need time to myself. However, I've notice "time to myself" has devolved into a serious problem of complete nihilistic outlook. I don't give a shit about anyone else's problems. If someone annoys me two words into a convo, I do not pause before shooing them away with the cruelest cutting sardonic quips. While there is absolutely the original and core issue of just being worn the fuck out by other people's blathering BS from so many relationships. I also think time alone has created a permissive cruelty via lack of accountability to others. Should I just go back to dating and not worry about breaking a few hearts along the way if it reins in my acid tongue even a little? Or could this just be an extended period of adjustment and sooner or later, I will come back around and desire companionship, and in the process regain some common courtesy/patience? All of this noting that the obvious and most healthy solution is get back into therapy with someone new and actually just work on my attitude addiction/attachment issues and learn to balance my confidence with expressing boundaries that isn't an excuse to excise long-suppressed resentments. But I'm not doing that anytime soon. So, let's just put the right answer aside for a mo' and tell me the better-worse course of action?
Well my thoughts followed by my reasoning. Take time out; forget about dating or fucking for at least six months. Get yourself to a place you can be yourself so that anyone you may meet in the future can know you. If he or she can't know the real you, theres little chance any relationship could work out and your ability to move on will be seriously reduced. I had a really hot relationship with a girl. Really good thing too. (The relationship and her). I didnt realise until it ended how much a void she had made and filled to overflowing but, once she was gone, that void was massive. An older family friend who was a psychologist advised me to take 6 months to myself and to reset and reflect on why it ended and what it is that I need from a relationship. She told me there probably would never be someone so special though she said that to try to stop me looking for a like-for-like new GF. I wasn't aware back then that my GF had previously talked to her about our relationship (quite deeply such that I wasn't happy about it), so she was actually advising from a position of knowledge. I did take that time and then dipped my toe into new friendships which were short-lived. From then I realised I dont need one but I would like one. I accept that there won't be a relationship as hot because it was that 'hot', which was also a cause of its demise.
Just my three cents worth but it sounds like you need to get back to dating immediately if not sooner. In between dating, find a new therapist so you can work through the acidic tongue issue, okay?
I will be cheaper than @KDaddy23 and only give you my two cents worth. Take the time to enjoy your freedom. in my late 20s, my live in girlfriend of 3+ years, decided that she either got a ring, or she was out. I do not take ultimatums well, so no ring. I thought we had a good thing but….. she left. I went on a couple dates, and one turned into a FWB for about six months. It was obvious that she wanted to make it “permanent”. She knew I was going to take a transfer out of state, and kept dropping hints about her moving with me. HELL NO! I ended up moving and enjoying my new house, with just me and my dog. No drama! I did not even seek dating. I did have a couple of lady coworkers hint at asking them out, but it felt like they were looking for a husband. I was happy single. And then my best friend set me up on a blind date….oh sh*t! (I had only been on one blind date before, and she was a disaster). Within about a year of my “new” blind date, we ended up getting married….. for 3 1/2 years. The first couple was pretty good, the rest of it sucked, and ended up costing me a pretty penny. Then I ended up meeting my current wife of 25+ years. Ain’t always been pretty, but it works for us. One thing that my divorce attorney told me after the divorce was settled, it would’ve been cheaper to hire a maid, a cook, and a hooker. “ a cleaner house, eaten better, and had better sex”! The only time I saw a therapist was right after the divorce from my ex was finalized. he commented “ you have been through hell haven’t you?” LSS….. be careful of a rebound. Enjoy making your own decisions, your own financial decisions. BE FREE!
