Is it weird to be a virgin at 35? Im a 35 yo male. I have had sex with other males but have never had sex with a female. I identify as being hetero-flexible. I am looking for a girlfriend but their are some things about myself that make it difficult.
In my opinion you are not a virgin, you had sex regardless. And it would not be unusual for someone in their 30’s to be a virgin. Those people exist, even 40
Thanks for the response. I know technically I am not a virgin. I should have been specific and said that I am a virgin when it comes to females.
Quite the conundrum. What type of sex did you have with other males? Oral only, you’re still a virgin. Penetrative? Not so much! Oral doesn’t count. Even if you bottomed for a guy, I would still consider you a virgin. Now, if you topped a guy….. that is a gray area. For me, until you penetrate a woman, you are still a virgin. Just my thinking in my pea brain…. what little I have.
Thanks for the message. Like I said I know im not technically a virgin. I have had oral with males both giving and receiving. I have also topped and bottomed. Besides making out the most i have done with a female was fingering a girlfriend.
I was just talking to my adult daughter (34) about this yesterday and she was saying that studies show that there is a huge % of adults that are still virgins at mid / late 20s and beyond. So are you “normal” - ya I think so. it’s all the noses pressed to screens these days and virtual hookups and sexting etc. The more recent generations are losing the ability to communicate in person and with that personal interaction comes the human physical bonding that people need to have a sexual relationship…. Not sure if it relates directly to your own challenges but in a more general perspective our Social skills have tanked in the wake of social media and impersonal relationships. It’s a shame really. We are driving ourselves into distinction while being able to reach out and communicate with more people than ever before. In the 70 you were falling behind if you were 15 and a virgin, now it’s difficult for people to look at each other eye to eye and speak….
Thank you for the reply. I find it difficult to meet people in person because I feel awkward being in crowded places or places one would normally meet people. I have looked for a girlfriend on dating apps but haven't had any luck. Plus their are things about myself that make it hard to fully open up to people. Im trying to find someone that is open minded and nonjudgemental.
Pay for it. No, I'm serious. You want a woman that's non judgmental and open minded. No better person to find that in is a sex worker. All they really care about is what they can make from the encounter with you. Plus they will make you feel like a king. The good ones will that is. There will be no strings, no thanks for the dinner handshake, only sex and the loss of your virginity as it were.
If all i wanted was sex then yes I would pay for it or hell I would just stick to guys. But I want more than that and not just sex.
There may be some focus groups you could go to to talk about your ability to open up, sometimes knowing there are others like yourself can help with dealing or overcoming your situation. Then once you are comfortable with yourself things may open up.
My problem isn't that I can't open up. But that i fear rejection and ridicule about my past and apart of me now that is not accepted by the majority of society.
Just about every normal, red blooded male has something or things about them that they think make it difficult to find a girlfriend. Questions like am I handsome enough, is my body nice enough, is my cock big enough, am I rich enough, do I dress well enough, do I cum too fast???? We all have our insecurities and doubts, unless you are a egotist or a narcissist. Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and go for it. You'll never find out if a woman is willing to go out with you unless you overcome your fears and ask her!!!
I lost my virginity (penetrative sex) when I was 27, with a woman, never having done anything sexual with a woman before. Every time I asked a girl or woman out on a date, she would say no, so nothing but rejection after rejection after rejection. And that doesn't count the countless times I was even too scared to ask a girl out, always because I felt self-conscious about myself, and lacked confidence. Self-confidence is definitely the number one key ingredient for success. And I only lost my virginity with that girl, who was also 27, because I wasn't even interested in her, but we hung out together in a group, often danced as a group, and this one time she slow danced with me and kissed me. There we were making out on the dance floor, and I ended up back at her place for a little bit of naked time. A week later we fucked, and she became my girlfriend. She broke up with me three times during our 3-year relationship, and the third time hit really hard because we were headed for marriage. I was on a 5 month road trip to work through my grief when gay desires exploded into my conscious mind during month 4. For the next 21 years I had oral sex with hundreds of guys, always anonymously in different gay sex venues like bathhouses. During all this I was still trying to date women, but nothing happened until I started going for speed dating with a couple different speed dating companies in Ottawa. From the many times of using this service, I ended up having about 30 dates with women, mostly just first dates, a handful of second dates, and 1 or 2 third dates. But every last one of them rejected me, even without any kissing, let alone sex (except one that I rejected HER after trying with her for 3 dates and finding her very cold and stiff as a board). In hindsight I now have a little bit more understanding about all these rejections: our mind is a very powerful thing, especially our unconscious mind, and I think I was unconsciously doing things to sabotage my time with these women, because they were the wrong gender. But lots of guys have success with Speed Dating. I also tried different singles organizations that planned things like cocktail parties for single men and women at bars, closed for the event. I also went to community dances. But none of these brought any dates, though it always helped me to learn how to socialize. That's another key, socialization skills are learned, and you have to push your boundaries, and do it even though you have fear and lack self-confidence. Finally after 21 years of only oral sex with guys, I lost my virginity with a guy, as a top, also in a bathhouse (I really felt that this was a second particular virginity for me to lose, and I did it in 2013 at 51). It was the greatest sexual experience of my life and changed everything for me. I stopped all anonymous sex with guys, and just started using gay sex hookup websites to get together with local guys in each other's homes. I've been doing that ever since. I feel I have one final virginity to lose, as a bottom with another man. I guess technically I did lose my bottom virginity with a woman already--with my second (and final) girlfriend in 2018 when she started fucking my ass with a strap-on dildo, something that she'd love to do because of the feelings of power it gave her. This woman also broke up with me, many times, during our three-year relationship, and destroyed any remaining desire that I had to have sex or romance with another woman ever again. But I can't wait to finally give my ass to another man. It isn't going to necessarily help you with women, and losing your virginity, as a top, with a woman, but in general will give you the idea of what to do: After I broke up with this last girlfriend, I joined a large Facebook group of gay men who have social meetups in bar restaurants twice a week in a couple different locations in our non-urban region. I've been going to many of these meetups, especially before I started getting really busy at work this last year, and have continued working on my socialization skills, and potentially meeting new friends and lovers. I'm sure I could apply these skills with women as well, if I had any interest in women anymore. But still I have joined local co-ed heterosexual Meetup groups to socialize. I highly recommend you google Meetup Groups in your community. Many of them do dances at bars, dinners at restaurants, hiking on trails, card games and board games, going to the cinema or theater, etc., all occasions to improve your socialization skills, develop self-confidence, develop friendships, increase your social circle, and potentially have at least casual sex with a woman, if not romance and love. Heck, on October 31 last month, I went to a Halloween costume Meetup with this group at a local large bar, where we had a huge table of about 15 of us, all of us dressed up, enjoying drinks, and at first the World Series on the ton of large TV screens in the bar (and I'm not a team sports fan at all, but still enjoyed it), and then afterwards dancing with a live band. I bought the most gay looking Halloween costume I could find, a sleeveless police stripper uniform, just to give a signal to any guys in the meetup group or the bar, and this one woman in our group kept majorly flirting with me, hitting on me, and teasing me about going up on stage to strip for everyone, a very packed bar with hundreds of patrons--and I think she was serious, or half serious. If only I still had desire to have sex with women, we would've definitely fucked that night. The thought of it just repulses me, and I wasn't crazy about her touchy feelies, and all the attention, but it's still all part of the socialization package, and I had a great time group-dancing with everyone. There were even a couple of cute guys in our group that I was hoping were at least bisexual, but I didn't pick up on anything, so I didn't make any moves on them, except maybe a tiny bit of flirtation towards one of them, a very cute and seemingly very nice guy. But who knows in the future, because these meetup groups are a great way to meet potential lovers, friends and just people. Having started as a very shy, introverted, self-conscious boy with zero self-confidence and not liking many things about himself, I can now say, at 63, that I'm very much a social animal, with great social skills, self-confidence, open to falling in love with another man, and enjoying lots of sex--well, no where near enough sex actually, because I'm stupidly letting some extra weight that I put on decrease my self confidence, the most stupid thing you could ever do, because nothing about oneself could ever affect how someone else sees you.
