Journal #58, July 5: Sex as an act of love

soulpoker · Aug 4, 2025 at 3:46 AM

RisingBi said: ↑

I can definitely understand what you're trying to get at through all your different posts in this thread. But this last one does capture the heart of it I think, the need for connection with someone else. We can definitely have the lust drive in getting naked with another guy, and I have felt it often. His cock is so beautiful, and in my case, his asshole as well, that I just want to devour them in every way I can. And it's to satiate my need for him to lust after my cock as well. And us going wild with our overwhelming desire for our entire bodies.

But for me personally something very special happened when my lust for another guy's asshole for the first time led me to have this overwhelming desire to penetrate it and him with my cock. When I finally pushed my cock inside of him, and we began fucking, yes, there was a lust component to our sexual intercourse, but there was something unbelievable that I did not anticipate. I felt a close connection with him like I've never felt with a guy before (and to tell you the truth, with a woman before). I felt this connection between our bodies and souls, even though it was a casual hookup, and an anonymous one in a bathhouse. I wasn't in love with him, and didn't even have a romantic crush on him, something I only developed for another guy years later when I allowed myself to, without trying to repress it. But I felt almost a spiritual connection with him, this other man, through the union of my cock and his asshole, that blew me away. It was the fact that I was deep inside him, inside his body, finally inside another man like I fantasized about for decades, that felt incredible beyond words. It was making love, making beautiful gay love.

Maybe it was because it was my first time actually fucking another guy, after just oral sex with hundreds of guys over 21 years, and that it connected with the gay side of me deep inside myself, and finally allowed me to accept the gay part of me, and in fact even love it, that oral sex with guys never did. Even though I've done some anal play since then, I haven't actually penetrated another man's ass since that first time in 2013, so I can't really say whether the experience would be the same (lots of erectile issues). But I suspect it will. I've always been a romantic guy at heart, and always a passionate lover, so I think that connection, even a casual one, is what my soul craves, and it's sexual intercourse with another man that fulfills that. And it's fucking one on one, and not in a threesome or group I believe. So that first time truly felt like making love with this other man. Yes, there's a fucking component to it, but for me there's also this man and me making love aspect. I'm sure he didn't feel the same (he was a huge bottom slut and quickly left me afterwards to get his ass reamed again). From my side it felt like making love. And it's that that I want to replicate. Real man-to-man connection seems to be supreme for me.

I can't even imagine what it would be like if we were IN love.
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This is pretty much at least the sexual experience I'm looking to have with a guy, well with anyone.
Some of it is probably selfish in that I'm looking for a cathartic and definitive casting away of internalized homophobia and embracing of something I am naturally meant to enjoy.
But otherwise ideally I truly want to connect with someone on a deep level if I'm having sex with them. Spiritually is probably the best way to describe it. Even if it's just for the night or even five minutes, for the time we're together I would like it to be all about us.
Of course I don't expect anything and accept the sex can be lousy, or it can be merely OK. But I'll take anything I can take. I don't think I'll regret keeping on trying having sex. At worst I'll have a good time. And have a reputation of being a slut.

thepapasmurph · Aug 4, 2025 at 9:58 AM

Slut is such a relative term, and old school @soulpoker - Enjoy yourself and let go of those internalized hang-ups about who you are. It is natural! As evidenced by your response to being with someone -

I think we are all different this way, but some of us connect spiritually when we have sex - it hits us differently.
As I grow older, I have found that it takes me a very long time to ejaculate, and this is frustrating sometimes. However, I find that "making love" is deeper and more meaningful when I am looking at the pleasure of my partner. Sure, that final release is the end goal - but if it doesn't happen, I am OK with that. That's just me. I want the connection, the body contact, the sense of "oneness" with another person.

I just passed 11 months with one partner. It has not been easy. It does not mean a lot more sex - if anything, it is that I am having less sex now than before we met. But the connection is soul deep and it lasts long after we separate and go on with the other tasks of daily life.

If you can't find that connection with one person, or if you are not in a place to even look for that - I think you can fully enjoy yourself anyway.
Sex is many different things to many different people. I know many of our brothers here will debate and add their thoughts - that's the beauty of it, though. We are all at different places and like different things.

I am not particularly fond of strawberry ice cream, but if I am with you, and I can see you are thoroughly enjoying your choice of flavors, that makes me happy.

soulpoker · Aug 4, 2025 at 4:01 PM

thepapasmurph said: ↑

Slut is such a relative term, and old school @soulpoker - Enjoy yourself and let go of those internalized hang-ups about who you are. It is natural! As evidenced by your response to being with someone -

I think we are all different this way, but some of us connect spiritually when we have sex - it hits us differently.
As I grow older, I have found that it takes me a very long time to ejaculate, and this is frustrating sometimes. However, I find that "making love" is deeper and more meaningful when I am looking at the pleasure of my partner. Sure, that final release is the end goal - but if it doesn't happen, I am OK with that. That's just me. I want the connection, the body contact, the sense of "oneness" with another person.

I just passed 11 months with one partner. It has not been easy. It does not mean a lot more sex - if anything, it is that I am having less sex now than before we met. But the connection is soul deep and it lasts long after we separate and go on with the other tasks of daily life.

If you can't find that connection with one person, or if you are not in a place to even look for that - I think you can fully enjoy yourself anyway.
Sex is many different things to many different people. I know many of our brothers here will debate and add their thoughts - that's the beauty of it, though. We are all at different places and like different things.

I am not particularly fond of strawberry ice cream, but if I am with you, and I can see you are thoroughly enjoying your choice of flavors, that makes me happy.
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Well I don't necessarily think slut has bad connotations. Actually objectively it means you have sex with a lot of people...which sounds pretty good actually. Who doesn't want that? Well, I guess if you're monogamous which is cool.
I'd love to get to a point with someone where the quality of sex isn't a big concern. Until then I wanna experience a range of sex. I have my limits like anyone else, and I wanna find what my preferences are. At this point I'm not sure I like strawberry ice cream lol.

KDaddy23 · Aug 4, 2025 at 5:05 PM

soulpoker said: ↑

Well I don't necessarily think slut has bad connotations. Actually objectively it means you have sex with a lot of people...which sounds pretty good actually. Who doesn't want that? Well, I guess if you're monogamous which is cool.
I'd love to get to a point with someone where the quality of sex isn't a big concern. Until then I wanna experience a range of sex. I have my limits like anyone else, and I wanna find what my preferences are. At this point I'm not sure I like strawberry ice cream lol.
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I agree. Even at this point in my life, I wanna experience a range of sex, maybe test my limits and... I like strawberry ice cream.

soulpoker · Aug 4, 2025 at 5:18 PM

KDaddy23 said: ↑

I agree. Even at this point in my life, I wanna experience a range of sex, maybe test my limits and... I like strawberry ice cream.
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My issue is my range so far is quite narrow. The thought of testing my limits does excite me, but it's also something I crave like food.

KDaddy23 · Aug 4, 2025 at 5:42 PM

My range is rather wide but there's still so much out there to be experienced. I like vanilla ice cream, too!

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Journal #58, July 5: Sex as an act of love

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Journal #58, July 5: Sex as an act of love

soulpoker Senior Member

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