Do you think you would win a fight against a ape?

Well I've always wanted to go up to an ape and fcking smack it!
I dont know why, but do you think you could beat up an ape?

 

I beat myself up all the time.

 

why the hell would you want to smack an ape?

 

that would be a NO!

 

We can be pretty obnioxious

 

i beg to differ

but anyways an ape would pound your ass into the ground.

 

ANY ape, and I mean ANY would litteraly rip a human to shreads if they so desired.

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_001b.html

"a female chimp, weighing a mere 135 pounds and going by the name of Suzette, checked in with a one-handed pull of 1,260 pounds."

A 165-pound man, by comparison, could manage a one-handed pull of about 210 pounds

"In dead lifts, chimps have been known to manage weights of 600 pounds without even breaking into a sweat. A male gorilla could probably heft an 1,800-pound weight and not think twice about it."


An average gorilla weighs somewhere between 350-400lbs


without exaggeration a full grown male gorilla could rip your arm (or leg off for that matter) and club you to death with it.


there have been reports of gorillas literally doing 500lb dead lifts until they were BORED without breaking a sweat!!!


You obviously have no idea of the strength an ape posseses.

 

nah....i think i could take an ape..

 

I've smacked a monkey around a couple times.

 

That's one reason humans are so weak ya know.

sides, Monkeys aren't apes. Except for the infamous ShoLin Monkeys, masters of the deadliest of all martial arts---Flung Poo

 

Dude, don't laugh.


I was reading Saturday's paper at work today, and there was a short blurb about some guy and his wife, who went to visit a chimpanzee that they used to own but had to give up. Something happened and several chimps got out of their cage and came and took out this guy. Story said stuff about how they chewed off his nose, and "severely mutilated his genitals, and limbs". The guy, I think, has survived. (I bet he wishes he hadn't.)

That is seriously fucked up. I am gonna go look for a link to the story (and pics if they have 'em!). I had no idea chimps would turn on humans like that. Made me think of "28 Days Later"!!

-Jeffrey

 

Okay, here's an update on that dude who got attacked by the chimps.

http://fox40.trb.com/news/ktxl-030405chimps,0,1504594.story?coll=ktxl-news-3

That is some pretty messed-up shit.

And um, how can they report stuff like "tore off his foot and testicles" and then say "the family requested confidentiality"?! I'd say the fuckin' blew his confidentiality when they told the world that he no longer has any balls.

Go read the story. It says that they were visiting a chimp they used to have at their home. It was taken from them when it bit off the finger of a woman in 1999. It seems these morons will never learn. So now he's a faceless, ball-less, footless wonder, who probably STILL thinks chimps make good pets.

The more people want to anthropomorphize animals and pretend they're just like little humans, the more people will get hurt by animals that we have no business trying to domesticate.

It's all fine if you want to lie to yourself and pretend it can be done. Just don't bitch when they bite off your goddamned face.

-Jeffrey

 

Try to tear off your own foot and let me know how it goes. I don't think you could do it even if you were on PCP. Shows you how viciously powerful these chimps must really be.

This story has me fascinated, actually. I wonder what this guy's gonna say about it if he survives.

-Jeffrey

 

Here's an even more gruesome story about the same attack.


Read the beginning. The couple were not attacked by the chimp they used to own, but by two others. But read about what they used to do with their chimp, the one that bit off a lady's finger. They fuckin' taught it to wear clothes, and watch t.v. They referred to it as their "son"!

Here's the link:
http://www.boston.com/news/nation/articles/2005/03/06/ferocity_of_chimpanzee_attack_stuns_medics_leaves_questions/

And part of the story:

I said it before and I'll say it again: this shit is fucked UP!

-Jeffrey

 

I might also mention here that in the grand scheme of things, the fact that the son-in-law guy owned a GUN prevented these people from being KILLED.

As hard as Kalifornia tries to keep its citizen-subjects from being able to own guns, this guy apparently still had one, and used it to save human lives.

I hope that if the idiot victim survives, he and his wife campaign against gun control now. Thorough gun control -- the BANS on guns that liberals want -- would have meant grisly death at the hands of psychotic chimpanzees.

That should go on the NRA's posters from now on. Pictures of this guy, and a caption that says, "It's either gun ownership, or this!"

-Jeffrey

 

The Ape would kick my A**

 

If someone willingly fought an innocent ape, i would be supporting the ape....in a situation where they escaped and were randomly attacking people, I would support the gun....

I think in general though, apes are more likeable than people.

 

I hope it was your own..

 

I carry a SigSauer Model 220, with two 12-round extended magazines - it's a .45 - so it would be fine on Ape-sized creatures - ...... So, if I'm attacked by more than 37 apes, there might be a problem, but otherwise, you'd just have a big pile of apes when I was done.

 

if i had one of those cool clubs like Mel Gibson had in braveheart i think i could just hit him in the head and that would be the end of him...but fist to paws combat...i would be aced in a heartbeat haha.