sharpness

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by off_my_feet_freak, Jun 8, 2004.

  1. off_my_feet_freak

    off_my_feet_freak Member

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    forgive the spelling errors and be kind. but let me know what you think please

    ~



    You are my weakness
    yes you are my love

    pandoras box has opened

    and push have come to shove

    and my desparation

    brings me back to you

    sweet numbing addiction

    without you,what would i do

    and the sharpness in your taste

    and the ruby red ,your flesh

    has me in a bind again

    but i reach you in distress

    so now you are you are my life house

    without you i cannot breath

    you make me keep this mask on

    you make me diseve

    because you take away true happieness

    control's your only care

    after a while

    thanks for reading
    Peace

    im not even there

     
  2. Fierce_Flawless

    Fierce_Flawless Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    the feeling behind it has been conveyed, i like, but maybe try it without rhyming next time- it's less confining.
     

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