Can gay men be monogamous? MERGED

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No not really, was just responding to your question about shouldnt we do something about the rep of gay guys.

I'm just saying you need to wait till your 30s to see what happens with the girls your age and how much they are preprogrammed, then smothering feelings return for you and you'll get the last pieces of the puzzle.

Everything negative about the gay male drummed up by straight society hides a dark aspect of female sexuality.

As one example: Straights believe gay beat culture is just about a bunch of horny gay guys running around having cheap anonymous sex and not about a bunch of married guys who have thier heads messed up cos their 8 yr old daughter, who looks like the wife, is already thinking about babies and throwing sexy looks at their dads without realising it. The beat thing is just as much about these guys craving a meaningless fiddle without eye contact and without a reminder of the wife and daughter. Its not about hunting for guys, its about hunting for non-females that aint going to look you in the eye like that.

There are some other surprises install for you to do with that top 5% of females who are most driven by baby making urges, how early that can start, and how it really is sometimes between a daughter and her father, some issues that dont crop up in guys cos their mothers dont stay 19 as they grow up. You wont see a lot of it until you yourself reach the age where you look like a dad, and then you'll see first hand the creepier parts. The kicker is its only the tall beefy straight guys with a strong dad look and half of gay guys that ever get to see it, so only about 20% of the male population, and they'll only get approached by the girls when no one else is around, cos they are embarrassed to be that way, all other females are essentially competition and they wont do it near guys that still have too much of a sex look in the eyes

 

Ouch. So you're saying that, on balance, the camp horny guy is a preferable compromise.

Uh.... I've re-read that a few times and I still don't get it.

I don't remember saying anything about "protecting girls", not sure if you have me confused with someone else. I don't get much attention, male or female, anymore, unless I'm just completely oblivious to it. I tend not to make eye contact with people because my eyesight sucks, but I usually at least look at people's faces when I talk - that counts for guys as well as girls though. I get what you're saying about straight men talking to women's tits, but I don't get why you think I would have "subconsciously trained" myself not to do the same.

I'm also at a bit of a loss as to what this how to do with how gay people are perceived.

 

Do you really want to go around telling women who love thier 'faithfull' husbands how many are sucking dick late at night near the local truckstop?

Comes from early childhood, around 4yrs, 5yrs old, either being the kid in the class that was taller than everyone else and timid, more like a dad figure, or a dude smaller than everyone else and attention seeking, more like a son or baby brother. You either get daddy like attention from the girls which includes the daddy stare, or Son like attention and Son looks, girls will bug you until you look into their eyes, hence you start training to look into girls eyes first to calm them down. Other guys in the class that are more average, more like brother figures dont get this kind of attention.

Its stuff you might not really remember, takes a trigger or two in later life for it to come flooding back.

Its stuff you may not get till you get into your 30s and see how many girls are only every really lusting after guys that look like dads. But if you're eyesight is poor, you might have trouble.


You've never wondered why some guys you know they are gay as soon as you meet them, others you dont have a clue unless they tell you? The first group - guys that trained to seek attention from guys when they were little, via voice and gestures. The second group - trained / scared off the girls, run to the security of guys, mainly use the eyes.


The short version - just pay more attention to all guys eyes, the "Hello I'm gay" look is an imitation of the big brother control look girls use; body and head very still, looking straight into your eyes

 

Sure, why not? They can handle it, they can remain in denial the way they always have... I dunno though, I know it's a gradual process but ideally I want a world where people don't have to keep secrets. Did these guys marry women because they were bisexual? Or did they marry because they were ashamed to admit they were gay? Makes a difference, and I have to say, I have very little sympathy with infidelity; I'd rather people just didn't get married than get married and cheat. I would hope that greater visibility of gays as normal people, the type that your truckstop hubbies wouldn't be ashamed to be associated with, would at least help future generations to feel okay about being gay.

Maybe that's me being prejudiced, for not seeing marrying a woman and then sneaking out on her to suck cock as a perfectly valid lifestyle. But I don't see myself changing my mind about that, and I can't pretend I have much sympathy if, as you imply, these people are the reason why all the fags in the media have to be freaks.

Uh... I'll be honest, this doesn't really match my experience at all. I've tended to go for guys who look like my dad, but then, those guys also look like me, so I don't know which is more important.

 

This argument is completely absurd. Care to cite information or did you come up with this yourself?

 

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Which part is absurd, I can expand if you like.

 

Elaborate on the different stares an elementary girl would give the boys in class. Did you get a daddy stare? Do you know how to do the daddy stare? Have you been in classrooms to observe said behaviors?

I think it is pretty silly to differentiate homos when they were children into two groups. Boys who tried to get attention from other boys and boys who were "trained"/afraid of girls. And then calling the first group essentially feminine while the second group is masculine. What about people who identify as masculine and feminine?

You argument lacks credibility if you can give information that supports these claims, perhaps then it would be worth looking into.

 

I'm just baffled as to why it's being raised in relation to me not to want more accurate representation of gay people in the media/culture. As you can see, I wasn't even sure if it was meant to be in this thread!

 

I feel like being monogamous is a challenge. It's more difficult for gay men, in my opinion, because it seems to be in a man's nature to want more than one person. Especially when things get boring and old. Gotta keep it fresh in the bedroom! Try new stuff. But I think if you find someone who makes you want to be with only that person, then monogamy is the way to go. That's where I am right now.

 

I have zero interest in manogamy, too me it serves no purpous. If polyamourous was was an option I would vote. I can't select polygamous because I want to marry a man and a woman. Even then I would want all of us to be free to persue any relationship we want.

 

it depends on who i'm with, I'd be totally ok being monogomous if that's what my partner wanted, but I totally understand the case for polyamory. By the way is there a difference between polyamory and polygamy?

 

polygamy = polygamy has been practiced as polygyny one man having more than one wife
polyandry = one woman having more than one husband
Polyamory = relationships with more than one partners at the same time.

These seem to be the most common usages. Most polyamorists do not like the term polygamy because historicaly that word has been associated with the abuse and oppression of women.

 

oh ok thanks Yeah I thought polygamy was a term most people didn't like so I do try to aviod it. That makes sense now.

 

See, my vote, and I'm guessing a lot of other people's, might be misleading. I don't personally have any problem with non-monogamy.

But I don't think for a second that gay men are incapable of monogamy, and I'm a firm believer that, in a culture where monogamy is the norm, one who is not specifically and declaredly polygamous should always assume that monogamy is expected.

I know we're all meant to have sympathy for the poor poor old married homo, and I do a bit, but I don't think anything excuses outright rudeness/callousness towards others.

 

Wanted to activate this topic ..,
I have deep relationships few of my bi partners,? We have decided to persu open lifestyle as this will give us more opportunities explore.