Just How Gay Are You ?

That's the thing about us truly bisexual guys... We can admit our "homosexual" attractions, as well as our attraction to women. I too have had a few different gay men tell me that since I'm a total bottom and sexually submissive with men, that I "must be gay", and that my attraction to women (and my marriage as well) is "just a "farce." Nope! I'm NOT 100% gay, I'm just a bisexual married guy who happens to be a total bottom and sexually submissive with men. It is what it is, and I am who I am.
To hear that from gay men was actually disheartening. I honestly thought gay men would be a bit more compassionate and sympathetic than that.
Ironically, I still think I connect better with gay men than bisexual guys. First, there seems to be a lot more gay tops out there, and the majority of bisexual guys are bottoms (not necessarily all, but I've never had an experience with another bisexual guy who was a total top). Secondly, I'm more likely to encounter a gay man who also likes kissing/making out, holding hands, hugging and cuddling as much as I want/need and crave that with another man, whereas with most bisexual men, they seem more interested in quick "blow and goes", "meaningless" sex, one night stands. I'm not about any of those things, and I need a "connection" with anyone I have sex/make love with, and it doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man.

I agree, it would be much easier to be either straight or gay, but that's just not who I am. I'm bisexual, always have been, ALWAYS will be. It's caused rifts in my marriage at times (my wife is also bisexual, and I've always been open-minded, supportive and even encourage her to act on her needs/desires for women), though my wife is becoming more open-minded, and even encouraging (under the right circumstances) of my same-sex attractions.

 

Actually, there's no such thing as meaningless sex; that's some heterosexual pie-in-the-sky bullshit that's been perpetrated over all this time - and more by women than anyone else. The very much dreaded blow and go doesn't have anything to do with what a guy is willing to do; it's a natural reaction to busting a nut, aka, the refractory period of sex where, once we nut, it's game over and you can't even think about having sex or continuing to so, yep - time to get the cat out of the oven or any other reason not to be in a sexual situation.

And not every bi guy is interested in being romantic with other men or having sex with a guy and in the same way that women demand we have sex with them; I've felt that it's presumed we are because that's how gay men are and people still don't seem to understand that there's a fundamental difference between a bi guy and a gay one - but gay is the standard bi guys are held up to. So, sure - when asked how gay I am, I'm still not all that gay because while I can have sex like a gay man, I'm not a gay man and... what part of "I'm bisexual" isn't being understood? If you look at a bi guy and can only see the "gay" side of him, you're not looking at the whole person.

I've encountered bi guys who want to kiss and cuddle; I've had blow-and-go with gay men. It's not the sex that defines these things: It's how you feel about men that does and what your intentions are, i.e., just for the sex or for that and romance. It's been proven that you do not need an emotional connection with someone in order to have sex with them - but our idea of the right way to have sex mandates that you should never have sex with someone you don't have feelings for which is nice... but also isn't the reality of things. I've made it my business to learn these things and more so when society still wants to take bisexual men and turn them into gay men and, I've thought, because we know about gay men... but bisexual men are still a big unknown because no one should want both men and women. Pick one and stick with it, you greedy bastard.

I don't and won't knock the way a guy goes about handling his business; whatever floats your boat and all that good stuff but it seems that we're still not immune from believing a lot of stereotypical stuff about men and our sexual proclivities. Are there more gay tops than bi tops? Nope. It just appears to be that way and almost all of the bi guys I personally know are tops. Are the majority of bisexual men bottoms? Nope; again, it just appears to be this way and, indeed: In my experiences, the majority of bottoms I've met and have had have been gay men, not bi ones all that much. If you have sex with a man, is it with romantic intent as a main reason? Oh, hell, no - you have sex with a guy because, if nothing else, it's convenient. And, yeah, this is coming from a bi guy who loved a gay man and was in a relationship with him. It's... optional and not mandatory and there are so many bi guys who either don't understand this or, I dunno, just assume that they should behave like gay men are known to do and something that gives a lot of bi guys issues... because we're not gay men.

But gay is what we know and, again, is the standard all bi guys are held to and... that's a mistake and one we have kept repeating time and time again. It's understandable that some bi guys really are more gay than bi - but it's not all of us. Perhaps the question for us should be how bisexual are you and not how gay you are...

 

I don’t find it surprising that gay men who experience homosexuality as exclusive consider your combination of submission and dominance split between men and women irritating and advise you towards exclusive homosexuality. They have turned out to be pretty good diagnosticians, considering that your sexual fantasies relate entirely to men.

Gays often do very well with women because many of them, like the majority of women, are MBTI Feelers, or more scientifically, have high Agreeableness scores (Five Factor Model).

I suspect that you are an MBTI Feeler looking for a fellow MBTI Feeler, and are disappointed when you meet an MBTI Thinker (like me).

Why are you clinging to bisexuality when women are not sexually important to you? It’s about sexuality. I know enough gays who, like you, started out with male-male desires and who didn't bother to explore the male-female possibilities.

I don’t think ‘bisexuality’ is anything special, but just a partial insight into the fact that people have many options when choosing their sexual object, most of which remain unrealised because they are taboo.

Therefore, the question should not be: “What can you imagine sexually”, but: “What is really important to you?” Maybe you should just start calling yourself Gay, or Gay Plus to be precise:

1) Heterosexual = Straight
2) Mostly Heterosexual = Straight Plus (The largest sexual minority in surveys)

3) Bisexual – More Heterosexual
4) Bisexual – Without a clear heterosexual or homosexual preference
5) Bisexual – More Homosexual

6) Mostly Homosexual = Gay/Lesbian Plus
7) Homosexual = Gay/Lesbian

For me, young, slim and beautiful males and females are equally sexually attractive. The term ‘bisexual’ is not important to me, and I do not compartmentalise my sexual activities. It has always been clear to me that I would not give up my sexual freedom by getting married because I want to do what I feel like doing without asking anyone’s permission. I don't need both sexes because both offer me more or less the same thing. But like many men, I need a lot of variety, ideally a new attractive body every day, and I don’t have to rely on my ‘bisexual nature’ to indulge myself. Variatio delectat!

Isn’t a pleasant sexual interaction with an attractive body a highly enjoyable form of non-verbal communication?

Bisexuality encompasses a very wide spectrum. The two largest groups

• Mostly Heterosexual
• Bisexual – Mostly Heterosexual

are most strongly represented in terms of numbers and may tend to fulfil their non-sexual needs primarily with women.

Figures don’t lie, but they also depend on supply and demand.

Sure, we can only be in one place at a time. But fortunately I don’t have to fulfil a quota.

 

100% heterosexual
100% bisexual
0% gay

 

No idea how the percentage would work out who I check out and who I’m fantasizing about changes day to day. Sometimes I can’t get the picture of girl in a sundress out of my mind other days I can’t stop thinking about some guys ass i noticed

 

70 Gay & 30 bi …feel good about it

 

I think: 5) Bisexual – More Homosexual, maybe 60-75% boys

 

It has seemed that as the years and decades passed, the more and more gay I've become, truly and gradually moving from the far left heterosexual end of the Kinsey spectrum to the far right homosexual end. But I also have a second perspective on it: you could say that as I've matured through the years, I have gradually accepted more and more of my homosexuality since birth. Another way of saying it is, I have gradually destroyed the powerful inner repression forces that kept trying to deny my homosexuality. So now at 62, with no interest remaining in ever having sex, let alone romance, with a woman again, but strongly desiring and having that with men, I see myself as 95% gay and identify as a fully gay man. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm living my truth, and feel comfortable in my skin.

 

That’s soo true …that guilt and mental health identity can rely get you down …
As I’m leaning more gay then bi…I feel good and proud leaning gay and how it has been an amazing experience….

 

Good for you both! You should not feel bad in the slightest for such urges and desires.

 

Labels are boxes we put ourselves into, but we don’t always fit neatly. Some people have a need to define themselves in precise terms. I just enjoy what I enjoy.

My wife and I had a lot of guys over for threesomes, not all had a bi component but most did. Since she passed I have had very few women in my life, very sadly, but I have not changed my definition of myself. I’m still having fun with anyone who wants to have fun