Control Freak or not?

I am having a bit of a conflict with my boyfriend. I am very comfortable with my breasts. They are small and cute and I enjoy walking around our house topless. I also enjoy doing this in the woods. I don't see it as being sexy, it feels good and natural and free.

He will not let me walk around like that if anyone else is present. Even in our house. I don't think that I should have to run and put something on if someone comes over, or stay under blankets. outside, if he can see someone, I have to put a shirt on. He says it's because he really doesn't want anyone else to look at me and he sees it as very sexy and erotic and is afriad everyone else will think the same.

I don't want to disrespect him, but can anyone give me some ideas on how to talk to him, to try and convince him that I just want to feel free whenever the opportunity arises. Am I wrong in feeling a little too controlled? Is it wrong of me to feel that comfortable with my body? Any advice would help.

 

It's not wrong for you to feel comfortable per se. But bear in mind that you make him feel uncomfortable at the same time by doing it.

He has his beliefs that breasts and genitals are private parts, and he shares these beliefs with a large number of people.

Perhaps you should try and reach a compromise that you won't do it unless the two of your are alone, or that he's not with you, and then it won't be forced to the front of his mind and he won't have to worry about it and then you won't have to worry either.

Ask yourself as well, do you like the idea of other people looking at your breasts? I doubt that that's the reason why you do it in the first place, but think about whether it makes you comfortable having people checking you out all the time. Then think about how that might make your boyfriend feel. Or put yourself in his position - what if he were a nudist and had all the ladies dropping their jaws at the sight of his enormous penis. How would you feel about that?

 

but the fact is that he's mine and I know he is. I don't mind showing him off a little bit. And it's not that I want other people looking at me, but I feel like in my home or in a private natural place it's ok.

Like I said, I don't want to disrespect him, but I feel stuffy about it for some reason

 

He shouldnt be telling you to put a top on in the first place, he should try asking. Also just let him know that you go topfree because youre just trying to be comfortable and that you dont mean to show off your body or be sexual or erotic. If he or other people take it that way then thats their problem because its obvious if youre just walking around without your top on and just doing normal everyday things that you dont intend to be sexual or erotic. Its your body do what you want with it and dont let people tell you what you can and cant do with it.

 

I really worry about women who are with guys who feel like telling women what to do with their bodies because those kind of people can be trouble and if he does this alot and makes a point of being offensive then maybe its in your best interest to try to find someone who is less of a control freak. Thats just my opinion, personally I would never go out with a woman like that, I respect women's bodies and their choice to do whatever the hell they wanna do with them *as long as they dont bring harm to themselves* and in turn id only expect the same from them.

 

I have to agree with you completely here, Mike. It's sad when guys think they "own" their girlfriends.

I can understand where he can be uncomfortable with the situation. Like Sax says, a large number of people share the same thought. But I feel like it's something that he should have to deal with, not you. You are the one choosing what or what not to wear in your own home. He doesn't have a right to tell you what to wear just as you don't have a right to tell him what to wear.

Is this an issue that can have an affect on the relationship as a whole? You might have to ask yourself whether this is an issue breaking up over. Or if you decide to do as he says, will you resent him later for it? Has he told you to do or not do other things besides this? What if he does again?

Can you reach a compromise? Like not showing your lower half to others, but you don't consider your breasts to be privates? That is if you're wanting to meet him halfway and make sure he knows there is a boundary between what he sees and what others see. Or maybe that you'll cover up in front of his friends, but you do what's natural around your friends.

Or you could do it over a period of time. You mention that he asks you to cover when people are passing by outside? Start there. Just don't react and keep about your business. After a few times, allow yourself to be natural when your female friends or couples come by. After that, his friends and your male friends. Just a gradual increase over time.

I think you should tell him politely, but firmly that what you do with your body is your business, not his. Assure him that you love him and would never stray, that even if he might see it as something sexually related, you don't. It's not the other person he has to worry about. they can have a raging hardon, but you don't have to let anything happen. IF he truly trusts you, then it shouldn't be an issue. Go about your business as usual. don't make an effort to be topless, just do what feels right at the time for you. If he asks you to cover up, just politely say " I feel comfortable the way I am" or "I'd prefer not to" or a simple "no, thank you" and do whatever it was that you were doing. It's just a part of who you are and what you're about. If he can't handle it, then maybe he's not the one for you. But that's just my opinion on the matter.

 

I think the best thing for her to do is to just stand her ground and just go about her life as she normally would and do what she feels is comfortable and right and what is best for her. Giving in to him only further strengthens his view that what she is doing is wrong and it also just increases whatever sort of power trip he has and just will make him think he can get away with any other sort of nonsense he thinks he can try on her.

Its her house and her body and I think he either needs to take it as is or leave because he needs to respect her as a responsible young woman and not as some possession and if he cant do that and decides to break up with her then it shouldnt be any big deal for her cuz that just means he wasnt serious about her and wasnt meant for her anyways. Better to have a broken heart now than some broken limbs or a broken head or worse later on. These things start off small with these people and they keep getting bigger and worser until these people can get into some really hairy messes and its not worth having to go through that nonsense.

Besides a bright young woman like that deserves a real man anyways who can appreciate her for who and what she is and not constantly follow her around and bitch about how pisssed he is about her chest being exposed. Least id be proud if my girlfriend had her top off whenever she had the chance and id admire her body, guess I cant say the same for this guy.

 

You said here, "...in my home or in a private natural place..."

If this is an issue of other people seeing you, then it's not quite a "private" place, now is it?

I see your side, and I see his side. His wanting you covered for everyone but him does not make him a "control freak": How he deals with the issue and how he expresses himself about it and the nature of his actions that result -- that could make him a control freak. But if all he is doing is protesting, no. If all he is doing is telling you that he doesn't like it, no. If he is storming around, yelling at you that you may not do something, then yes. If he smashes ash trays or pounds a table about it, that's a warning sign.

If you are not able to curtail your partial nudity and limit it to those times when he also will feel comfortable with it -- say, like when both of you are cavorting around nude in the woods -- then you will have to either get him to accept the fact that you're going to go topless when and where you decide, with him liking it or not, or the two of you are headed for a breakup.

He is not wrong, and you are not wrong: you just may not be compatible.

Good luck.

-Jeffrey

 

thanks for all the advice. It's funny, because he is such a laid back guy about everything else (even things he shouldn't be so laid back about!) I see his point, too. It's hard because I would very much like to ease him into it, but there's really no way. He is NOT comfortable in the nude. And we have very few female friends. I could compromise with him. But say, for example, I was reading last night, with a long skirt and no top. One of his close friends came by. This guy has seen me in a towel, halter tops, bikinis, and to me it's no different. I didn't want to put a top on. But my boyfriend asked politely to cover up because it so umcomfortable for him. meanwhile, I am trying to hold a blanket up and trying to read at the same time. We definately don't get into arguements about it. But I do wish he was comfortable enough to let me feel free.

Do you think it ties in to him not trusting me? I'm quite faithful and have eyes for no one but him, and never given reason to think otherwise.

 

Just let him know you go topfree for comfort and not to just show off to anyone. Is he uncomfortable with "seeing" you topfree or is he just uncomfortable with the "idea" of you being topfree or just knowing youre topfree around him or his friends? If its just that he doesnt like the sight of you topfree then he just shouldnt look at you but if its about him just knowing youre topfree then its probably something hes gonna have to learn to deal with if he wants to be with you because thats who you are and if he truly loves you for who you are then thats just something hes gonna have to learn to love about you as well. I bet if he was shirtless around all his buddies he wouldnt think anything of it.

 

I dont buy the argument 'if he loves you he will respect your decision to go topless' Its a bit of a judgement call to say he doesnt love you just cos he asks you to cover your breasts where he thinks others can see them.

Jeffrey speaks the most sense... You know him best, use your jedgement, but remember when you are in a relationship you gotta compromise on stuff, maybe this is just something you gotta compromise on.

So long as hes not being oppressive or abusive in his requests and is respecting your POV, id say its about having a conversation with him and seeing where it goes!

 

Her being topfree really cant bug him that much and if he doesnt wanna be around someone who likes to go topfree all of the time then he shouldnt have dated her because he shouldve known from the start that she likes to do that and if he wants to be with her thats just something hes gonna have to deal with. Its her body, shes not pushing anything on him thats too unreasonable. I would think that if he really cares about her he would like seeing her reguardless of what she is wearing or not wearing. The fact that he objects to seeing her topfree really raises some questions because most boyfriends dont mind seeing their girlfriend's bodies.

 

Well it just seems to me that he makes it appear that there is something wrong with her being topfree or bad about her breasts being exposed to other people and this guy just seems on a power trip because he wants to be the only one who can see those parts like he owns the woman or something. I think his actions really do raise some questions as to his motives and how he really feels for her. I just want to avoid a potential problem before it turns into something much more complicated and ugly because I dont wanna see happen to her what ive seen happen to other people.

When it all boils down to it yes she needs to use her own judgement but I think as far as her body is concerned she should be the one to make the choices what she does with it and she should not have to compromise her comfort if she doesnt feel like doing it. I dont like guys who try to tell women what they can or should or cant or shouldnt do with their bodies, suggestions are always good but I think they should let women make the decisions about what they do with their own bodies.

Yes, I think she does need to talk this over with him but she needs to stick up for herself and not let this guy bully her around and tell her what shes gonna do or not do with her own body. He needs to be there to support and comfort her, not to bark orders to her like shes his servant.

 

Sure, Id agree with that if thats what was happening, but to me it sounds like he's not doing that.. peace!

 

i had a similar problem with the first boyfriend i ever told about my nudism. it took him a lot of effort to stop thinking the way society had told him to think (that nudity was only ever a sexual thing) and to accept that i went nude for my own comfort and freedom and not to get or give "kicks". but eventually he did and although he never got secure enough to try it for himself, he was able to accept and get used to me walking round my house in my birthday suit.



so i guess my advice would be to talk this through with your guy. you need to make it clear to him how you feel, the reasons why you prefer to be top-free, the way you feel about your rights regarding your own body and why you being seen undressed by other people isn't an issue for you. he needs to start thinking outside the box and the best way for this is to introduce to him, properly, what is for him a new way of thinking about the human body.

him thinking he has the right to tell you what you can and can't wear or do with your body is a controlling issue, but he may not be doing it because he is a control freak. like i said, society has conditioned a lot of people to only link nudity and sex, and we sometimes have to work hard to convince them otherwise.

other people have suggested a compromise and that might be a good idea while you're talking the issue through with him. for example, you talked about the situation with his friend. obviously you shouldn't have to compromise your personal comfort no matter who comes into your house, but at the same time, your boyfriend may hear things from his friend about you that you do not hear, and so may be uncomfortable for you to be top-free around his friend because he doesn't want him thinking of you in "that way" (i.e. sexually) because he does not want to have to deal with the conversations that could occur once you are gone. guys can be like that, and it may not even be an issue with your behaviour so much as the way his friend might be interpreting your behaviour. so this is why you need to talk about it with him - make your reasons clear, and find out what exactly the issue is for him.

Jess xXxX

 

I think its a good idea she is with him but if its at all possible for anyone else its just best to date someone who has similar views as you do on nudism and topfreedom and such so you dont have to go through all of that mess and theyre likely to agree with you and accept your lifestyle and even wanna go to nudist places and do things in the buff with you more than they would otherwise. Thats why im with who im with now cuz shes great with that.

As for the thing being discussed here, yah I think just talking to the guy and coming to some sort of compromise and agreement is the best thing to do.

 

it is kinda hard though to automaticaly meet someone who shares your views on nudism/top-freedom/other alternative lifestyles. i mean, none of the guys i meet or have met have been nudists or even really been aware of nudism beyond a few social stereotypes. its not easy to meet people who you are likely to be attracted to who are also nudist, and even if you know loads of nudists, what's to stop you falling for that cute guy in the coffee shop, or the girl who sits opposite you in English class?



the way i see it, if you're going out with someone it doesnt matter if they are a nudist too, so long as you are able to tell them that you are and so long as they are cool and supportive about that. if they aren't, well, you can give them time to come around and try your hardest to explain to them what its all about. and if they are still giving you a hard time about it, well, then i'd question wether the relationship had a future... but i guess it depends how much you love the person and want to be with them.

to me, the most important thing in this area is for them to respect your lifestyle choices even if they dont share them or necesarily think the same wa about them that you do. an you should respect theirs, too. if i'm going out with someone and they're also a nudist, great! but the most important thing is that i like them and want to be with them, anything else is just a bonus.

(this is a reply to Mike, BTW, not advice for the original poster - i still think she and her bf can work it out)

 

I dont think the person you date has to necessarily BE a nudist already or even wanna be one, I just figured itd be best to date someone who at least agrees with or accepts your views on being nude and things like that. People can do that without actually being a nudist and im sure there are more people who dont mind being naked or seeing naked people than actual nudists out there. Of course some of these people youd have to get to know in private to really find out how they are because im sure they hide the fact that they dont mind nudity in public to keep from ruining their image.

Thats basically what I meant. I just said if they already were a nudist then it saves alot of headaches cuz you dont have to go through the whole process of telling them youre a nudist and explaining it to them and all of that. I think if you wanna be with a nudist friendly person then as long as you dont date a total prude then youre pretty much okay.

I think if they really care about ya enough then theyre not gonna let somethin dumb like nudity get in the way of their happiness in the relationship. Just the idea of someone breaking up with a woman just because she was nude all of the time and the guy didnt like it is just beyond me. If they break up with them just for that then it shows they obviously werent that commited because theres more to that person than just her nudity.

Yeah thats basically how I feel too, just had a hard time trying to get that across.

 

I live alone with my cat so I go nude around my house all the time. But if I were living with a girlfriend, and she went nude around the house, I'd be nude around the house too but the big difference would be I would constantly have an erection, and probably constantly be using it. I'm just that way.

I understand that nudity is also about comfort, not just sex. I can do the nudity-for-comfort thing too. It's just that when I see a pretty female body it makes me go into sex mode.

-Jeffrey

 

It's important for us to remember that whilst for many of us, nakedness is a pretty normal thing, it isn't for lot's of people. If she wanted to have sex with all of his friends, it wouldn't surprise us that he objected, even though he would be 'controlling her'. They guy needs plenty of time to get over the idea that nudity is not necessarily sexual, and as Jess said, it may also be that other male friends don't see it that way.