Why do you choose top or bottom?

Lots of bisexual married men, especially those who are total bottoms with guys, feel the same way as you.
As much fun as it can be to be "used" for another guy's sexual satisfaction, sometimes we just want to be made love to by another man.
Nothing wrong with feeling submissive when being topped by another guy. The guy topping (at least in that moment) isn't submissive, and he probably "expects" a bit of submissiveness from his bottom partner.

 

Bottoms get fucked in their ass to get off. Sure, receiving a nice blowjob is nice (though not something I necessarily "need"). For me anyways, throw in some passionate kissing/making out, and occasionally have a top stroke my cock, and I'm gonna "get off" each and every time.

 

In my first same-sex experience (in my early 20s), we were both bottoms, which I didn't know initially when he first started flirting with me. That didn't stop us from having lots of fun (not to mention may FIRSTS for me) for a short while (a few months). We both enjoyed kissing/making out, giving and receiving handjobs, giving and receiving blowjobs and swallowing each other's loads. Ultimately though, we both wanted the same thing, which was to be topped and receive dick. Being new to guys (it was my first gay experience), I never even thought about the idea of using dildos as a way to "top" each other without actually using our own dicks. Even being my first gay experience, the idea of topping another guy just seemed to be, and still is unappealing and unnatural to me. I knew very early on that I was meant to be a total bottom with guys.
If toys were involved and I got to "receive" them as often as I used them on him, there's a very good chance my experience with him would have lasted much longer, as we really liked each other.
Another option could have been to find us a total top bi or gay guy for us to play with us, but things never progressed that far. Oh well... I'll always have fond memories of my first same-sex experience.

 

My sentiments exactly. Very well said.

 

Absolutely. Some of us are just meant to be bottoms. I've never, and don't think I could top another man. It just seems unnatural TO ME... but another guy topping me has always been an appealing, natural "fit" for me, especially if he's sexually dominant

 

Same here. I knew I was a bottom long before another guy topped me (if that makes sense). I never considered using my cock to top another guy, and just the thought of it is very unappealing to me (always has been).
Speaking of being used for another man's pleasure, that seems to be a very common theme amongst bisexual guys who are total bottoms.
I'm bisexual, and a total bottom with guys. I've fantasized many times about being totally used sexually by sexually dominant top guy, and to me, it wouldn't matter if he was bisexual or gay. To be honest though, just the thought of being totally sexually dominated by a sexy top has always been appealing and intriguing to me.
The idea of being collared, leashed, locked in a cock cage, and totally sexually dominated by another guy (actually I think I'd actually prefer a gay top in that situation) makes me hard as a rock and would be a dream cum true

 

Oh, I want to cum. Not that I necessarily have to cum. If I'm with a passionate, attentive top who's fucking me, and he slowly stroked my cock, there's a very good chance I'm gonna cum all over myself and on his hand. Even if I don't cum though, that's ok too, as I'm more focused on the pleasure my ass is receiving anyways. As a total bottom, I want my top to cum more than I'm worried about cumming myself

 

Nothing wrong with that. Now you can enjoy topping your FWB (at least once and a while), just as you enjoy him topping you and you riding his cock.
Good for you though. Even as a total bottom with men, I can admit some guys have really nice asses, though I don't think I could ever bring myself to top another man. For me anyways, once a bottom, ALWAYS a bottom.

 

I agree that bisexual TOP guys seem to be in the minority (it's like we're all bottoms. LOL).
When I was younger, I'd sometimes specifically seek a gay man, as there seems to be more gay tops than bisexual top guys.
If it were that easy (it ISN'T, as I'm married), or should I say if I was single, I think I'd seek out a gay top who's sexually dominant, and let him "use" me sexually however he wanted. I've always been sexually submissive with men.
I've fantasized many times about being collared, leashed, and made to wear a cock cage (chastity), for the right "daddy" behind closed doors. If I were to meet the right guy for me, there isn't much I wouldn't do to keep him sexually satisfied. I'd literally do pretty much anything (and I can be quite kinky) IF I WERE SINGLE and the opportunity presented itself

 

In my first 20 years of cocksucking (in my 30s and 40s) I loved all aspects of gay sex in both porn and my masturbatory fantasies, imagining myself both topping and bottoming, and loving it. But whenever I was naked with another guy in real life, I had no anal desires whatsoever. It was only about sucking each other's cocks. Man, I hated that cognitive dissonance, and really wanted to figure it out. Perhaps that desperate wish led to me spontaneously going apeshit crazy on a guy's ass in a bathhouse once when I was 51, with a sexual hunger like I've never experienced. I rimmed his hole for more than an hour like a madman. His asshole was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen--and that is coming from a huge cock lover, a man who practically worships the phallos. I wanted this guy like I've never wanted anyone!


I was also rubbing my cock all over his cute twink ass cheeks & along his ass crack, and experimenting with rubbing the tip of my cock around the outside rim of his opening. It was just a natural instinct. But when my cockhead actually touched the centre of his puckered lips, it was the greatest sexual feeling I've ever felt (100 times as powerful as a woman's labia). It only got better as I began teasingly pushing the tip a little bit in, between the outer sphincter edges of his asshole. I rotated between rimming his hole with my tongue that had a life of its own, and playing with it with my cockhead that also seemed like it had a mind of its own. I eventually probably went as far as getting 3/4 of my bare cockhead inside. OMG! OMG! Wow! The feeling! I have to tell you, it took every ounce of my will not to push all the way inside of him, vis-à-vis my fear of HIV etc. I wanted/needed to be inside of him, be part of him, more than anything. But he couldn't take any more of the teasing either, back-and-forth between my tonguefucking his hole and playing with it with my cockhead. I finally gave in to his screaming pleas to fuck him. We grabbed a condom and I FINALLY lost my gay virginity! OMG!


Rimming and fucking him was the most extraordinary sexual experience of my life. It opened up a gay side of myself that was beyond fantasy, allowing me to get more and more in touch over the upcoming years with the gay truth at my core. And I became an active top, going crazy in my uncontrolled desire for the male asshole.


But it still took another tumultuous 3-year relationship with a woman and a breakup to realize I actually only desired sexual and romantic relationships with men, no longer women. I'm still sexually attracted to women, to varying degrees at different times, but have zero interest in having sex with them. And in the last couple of years I've finally come to identify as gay and no longer bisexual, finally realizing that it was internalized homophobia that has held me back my entire life from living my truth. I've even romantically fallen for a couple of different guys in the last two years, though nothing came of it. I've even gone on PrEP now to fulfil my real wishes of making love with a man unencumbered and sharing my essence with him. It hasn't happened yet but I know it will.


But even though it's my powerful anal attraction to guys that has so far only led me to top behaviour, I've never lost that desire to bottom for another man that started 30 years ago in those early fantasies. Over these many years I have often fucked myself with dildos, pretending they're other guys fucking my ass. The feeling of that penetration and movement of that rubber cock up and down my anal canal is amazing, and I've given myself a number of prostate orgasms over the years. Holy fuck! And whenever that aforementioned girlfriend pegged me, which she liked to do for that feeling of domination, all I ever wished during the reaming was that it was a real man fucking my ass. So there's that.


But it's also like so many bottoms have expressed in this thread and elsewhere--that desire to be dominated by a masculine man, giving myself to him in every way, and feeling his real and powerful manhood deep inside me, and sharing his essence with me, that plays a powerful role in my fantasies. I just haven't allowed myself to meet the right guy yet for that to happen--someone to take my final virginity.


Ultimately in my fantasies at least I would love to be versatile. At the very least I would love to have a gay friend with benefits who is versatile as well, and we make love with each other on a weekly basis. As someone else mentioned here, I can imagine myself sometimes in a top mood and sometimes feeling a total bottom, and I'm open to balancing that with another man who also has those fluctuations. Hopefully at least we can sync up perfectly sometimes. But, now finally, at 61, I'm also definitely open to falling in love and having a boyfriend and a monogamous lover.


So I'm a top versatile-wanna-be gay man. But I'm thinking that for me it's mostly all about feeling a special, close connection with another man, and physically, at least for me, it's sexual intercourse that allows for that, plus lots of hugging and touching and kissing while fucking. And it's about sexual freedom, a feeling of complete freedom, especially complete freedom to be my true self, a man who is completely open to loving another man in every way without the tiniest drop of judgment.

 

Your response here is so thought out, and very well written. I think you could be an excellent mentor to any young man (or any guy) who's questioning his true sexual orientation. With your very descriptive experiences of needing/desiring to be with men, and your lack of descriptive experience with women, you've definitely piqued my interest.
I've always been bisexual (total bottom with men), and I chose to marry a great woman who I love very much. We also have a very active (and kinky) sex life. She's the only woman I need, and I couldn't imagine life without her.
Your responses are so informative and insightful, I for one would be interested in chatting with you if you're interested.
I've only had one same-sex relationship (in my early 20s), but it made me realize I could be just as happy/satisfied/fulfilled in a committed same-sex relationship as I am with women. I also temporarily questioned my true sexual orientation when that relationship ended ( and still do from time to time. Ironically, my own wife sometimes makes comments that she thinks I'm "more gay than straight" (which is kinda crazy, because I'm NOT gay or straight, I'm bisexual).
But yeah, I'd definitely be more open to chatting with you if you're interested

 

Why so aggressive? What’s wrong with you?

 

I agree with you that transgender women who top would be best.
How was I being "aggressive?"

 

I've always been versatile and willing to top and/or bottom either as needed or depending on my needs, how I was feeling, etc. Why limit myself to one role? It can't be that much fun to just be one or the other...

 

As a bisexual guy who's a total bottom and sexually submissive with men, I don't need my cock pleased when I'm having "gay sex. In fact, under the right circumstances, I'd even be willing to be locked in chastity (a cock cage) for the right man. I'm a lot more focused on being "used" by a sexually dominant top guy who wants to face fuck me and penetrate my ass before he blows his load on/in my ass, on my face, or down my throat

 

This. I prefer to orgasm while being fucked.

 

Yeah, I want my cock pleased when I'm having sex. You wanna fuck me? Fine... but my dick gets pleased as well; this ain't just about you...

 

Not sure its a choice, just my default position to be the bottom.