A question for bi husbands......

From what I have read here, regarding the personal accounts of bi married males, "coming out" to the wife and children has to be a life-changing moment, one that either totally alienates them from their family, or, paves the way for a more honest, open relationship, one in which the husband is free to act on his desires for relations with other men, with no fear of being found out, or ostrasized.

Many years ago, I knew a guy online who was gay, but, after two years of "playing at marriage", and the birth of one daughter, admitted he was gay to his wife (the divorce was amicable)

When I first "met" him online (about 2005), he was living with another masculine guy, and was in a committed relationship, though both would "play around" with other like-minded buds together.

Once, when I asked him why he got married to a woman in the first place, he replied:

"Don't even ask.......getting married was the biggest mistake I ever made."

At least, after the divorce, this guy ("Mike") was finally free to be himself, and live the lifestyle he desired, without being condemned for it......................

 

I cannot even begin to fathom the inner turmoil a bi married male endures, when finally deciding to admit his true self and desires to his wife/family.

It cannot be a "walk in the park", that's for certain................

 

Thank you for recounting this, your story to us. Sometimes self-respect, honesty and congruence comes with a cost.

 

Self-respect and honesty, sad to say, are all too often in short supply these days; however, in today's topsy-turvy, often far-too-intolerant world, honesty DOES, sadly, all too often, comes at a substantial price........

 

I know just the thought of how upside down it would turn my family has kept me deep in the closet. If I revealed my bisexuality my whole world would change and not for the better. It’s better sadly to live the double life I do, which has its own form of torture. I have tried so many times to bury my desires only to have them return. Meeting a gay friend and spending an hour or so in his bed making out, cuddling, and ultimately having him between my legs sucking and fucking me is about as good of a relationship that has sex as part of it that I’m going to get. At this point it has to be enough.

 

In these "enlightened" days so dang sad that a lot of bisexual guys with spouses cannot truly be "open" and continue to be "in the closet"; truly a waste

 

Uh huh honey.

 

I would hazard a guess that the emotional part is kind of implied among men who find themselves in the same sexless boat. Sure, pretty amazing to be able to keep having sex albeit in a way that one might not have given a lot of thought about but I can only image the emotional relief such a guy feels to encounter other men who are, again, in the same sexless boat as they are: So important for them to know that they aren't alone in this and when I say emotional, I don't necessarily mean romantic - but I can see how the two can be confused. But for two men who are no longer able to have sex in their marriage to get together and have sex with each other? Emotionally, that has got to be a great weight lifted off of both of them and that, methinks, can have great meaning.

 

KDaddy23: A great deal depends on just how great the urge is for sex (of ANY kind) where the other party at least acknowledges the other and allows for a feeling of "bonding" with another who is interested-----regardless of just how "deep" the "bonding" could get---------------

 

Well, for most of us, the urge for sex is pretty damned powerful and sex with a guy can go from being convenient to more than that and depending on some stuff that isn't necessarily romantic but can feel that way if the bond created is deep. It's not that guys can't bond without sex being involved but never, ever underestimate the power of a good, full blowjob.

Just sayin'.

 

KDaddy23: I wonder how------if a "bi curious" guy first blows another guy-------and the bj is really FEELING GOOD to the guy getting sucked------you wonder just how this guy could suck a cock as "pro" as he did when it was his first--------perhaps practice on dildos?

 

Some guys do just that - practice on dildos, bananas (peeled and unpeeled), small cucumbers and... some guys are just naturals at it. I've had first timers blow me and so expertly that I was sure they lied to me that they'd never sucked a dick before - but I learned to never underestimate a guy's determination to be able to do something and such natural cocksuckers all spoke to how much they'd been wanting to do this and how determined they were and, well, I'd say that it all paid off for them because those guys were often better than more experienced guys.

You give a guy who hasn't had sex with his wife for a long time a good blow job and you empty his balls, you just changed his life and usually for the better. I've personally seen them be so grateful for the release that they've sucked my dick... and after they said that they didn't think they could (or just didn't want to), which I guess is also a compliment to me and how well I can suck dick. It's not romantic... but now they're a part of the brotherhood and when you're in a sexless relationship, that can mean so much to a guy.

P.S.: Sometimes, I'll deep throat a banana when I know my wife is looking... because it pushes her buttons to be reminded that she isn't the only one who can take a long, fat dick down to the bone...

 

KDaddy23: "Practice indeed leads to perfection"------I see! When watching guy/guy porn-seeing a rugged-looking dude deep-throating another guy's thick shaft-and-also- seeing a good-looking older fellow getting his 'stashe or beard blasted with a big load of hot-thick ball juice-I find to be QUITE erotic-to say the least!

 

I think porn has ruined cocksucking...

 

KDaddy23: Well as you and I both know-porn (all types) IS indeed a fantasy----and the fact that the porn industry (especially guy-oriented) usually feature guys who are horse hung-again-"brainwashes" a lot of "regular" guys into thinking (yet again) it's the SIZE that is key to hot action-and causes a lot of guys to think that ALL guys are so endowed-----"big cock" guy/guy porn IS hot to watch--------BUT---------again-----it ain't about REALITY-----------

 

Of course, it ain't, but it can influence husbands and make them regret their decision to get married since being married denies them access to the big, thick, pricks they see in porn; can't touch them, suck them, or take them in their ass and this is on top of the taboo - and a taboo that, in and of itself, can be pretty damned attractive. Who doesn't like being a bad boy from time to time?

I know that it's probably just me but getting married had nothing to do with my bisexuality. It didn't change the fact that I'm bisexual; we changed the rules of our marriage so that we both could experience sex and explore bisexuality and it went well toward us bonding as a couple as well as allowing us both to continue to grow as individuals. Sadly, a lot of married men aren't so fortunate, so they have choices: Cheat on their wife or suffer with suppressed/repressed feelings that are, eventually, going to spill over into the relationship and not necessarily in a good way. Or they can get a divorce and choose to never marry again but imagine the surprise a wife might get to be served with divorce papers citing irreconcilable differences... that she wasn't even aware of.

And she wasn't aware of them because her soon to be ex-husband didn't have the courage to talk to her about his thoughts and feelings about men although, again, historically, bringing this up to the little woman usually doesn't go well and can be a relationship killer. Damned if you do, damned if you don't...

 

KDaddy23: WELL said and-trust this writer-I know you also speak for those bisexual guys with spouses that are too afraid of the consequences to "fess up" and tell their wife that they are really bisexual; yes----you and I BOTH know that such "honesty" can-literally- cause widespread destruction and heartbreak------and we still are not thinking of how a bi guy's sexuality could effect his children; here again-I know that there would often be further fear of rejection-accusations-and hard feelings A bi guy with a wife and kids indeed risks it all-if he decides to air to his wife and children his TRUE sexuality------perhaps there are bi guys who get hitched-hoping that-either their wife will be unaware of his true sexuality-or-perhaps-accept the situation (and her husband)----and continue life's journey----------

 

It begs the question of why anyone, regardless of sexuality, would want to get married, doesn't it? In this, the problem isn't bisexuality: It's the institution of marriage that's the problem and as many a bisexual eventually learns. You marry someone because you love them and want to spend as much of your life with them as you can, have kids, raise your family and some can set their bisexuality aside... and some just can't and, as such, they wind up suffering and being stuck in a relationship with someone who has disdain for them because of something they don't believe in or understand.

 

WELL SAID good friend------you really brought up "food for thought" for certain; if you are a bi guy (with no intentions of nixing sex with other guys) why not just enjoy sex with BOTH genders with no strings attached and stay "single"?

 

Because love doesn't work like that. If it were that simple, no one would ever get married; our social norms would mean less than what they already mean and so many of us would be without purpose in life and the one even I remember being told: Find a girl, fall in love with her, marry her, make babies with her, live happily ever after. Well, four out of five ain't bad since we find out pretty quickly that this is a fairy tale that never resembles the truth and not marrying doesn't really make this any better because we are human, and strings are going to be attached because sex has the amazing power to bind - and even two people who aren't legally married are bound by the same rules and as if they were married - including being monogamous. That and you should never, ever need anything or anyone other than the person you're with and what, if anything, they are willing to give you.

And being single doesn't mean that you're going to be successful as a sexually active bisexual. That and you have no control over someone else's feelings... and especially the feelings of gay men and there is a reason why we have such a bad rep with some gay men. They might be looking for strings to be attached and if you're not down with that, you're probably not going to be able to have sex with them so, yeah - so much for being able to enjoy sex with both sexes with no strings attached, huh?

Is your head hurting yet?