why the female low self esteem?

OK. The post was "why the female low esteem".
The reasons are all to do with upbringing based on expectations of the role women should play in society. It is perpetuated because upbringing is hard to shake off, Mr Perfect. It is overcome by individuals recognising what is in their heads and consciously deciding to change. It is not helped by an additional burden of condemnation from people who have already sorted themselves out.

 

hehehe nice...ill be put in my place...."Mr Perfect" was being a bit harsh....and i wasn't trying to condemn....no offence anyone! *sheepish look*

 

I think one would need a whole slew of courses in Womyn's Studies to study this in detail. Actually, all one has to do is to look at the media and the way many organized religions and governments have treated womyn through the millenia to see why.

Womyn are threatening to men who aren't strong. As these men often have more power than the womyn, they take advantage and harm womyn in many different ways. It is hard to stay strong when your society and maybe even your homelife is telling you you are worth nothing more than a fuck toy.

That's my view of it, anyways.

 

When I said that, I certainly don't mean ALL men. Most are cool, respect womyn and girls, and are not threatened by female power. My comments were pointing out historical reasons for low self esteem. There are a LOT of cool, respectful, wonderful men IRL and on this site.

 

i think we all agree that the image portrayed by the media plays a massive role in the current situation of womens self esteem, etc....

but also the standards put upon women to be "ladies"....

ladies are "supposed" to be submissive...

ladies are supposed to submit to sex,, instead of actually enjoying sex

ladies are to be prudent

ladies are to sit with knees together

ladies are to laugh at mens jokes

ladies are to be silent

ladies are whores/sluts/ and any other dirty name if they initiate sex, have a libido, dont want a relationship etc....

those are just a few old values that are still employed in today's way of thought by a mass of redneck, un thinking, narrow minded people....

i think quite a few men are threatened by a women who is funny, smart and not scared to express themselves freely....

a lot of men dont have spines

and i am beginning to notice a trend in men...they want to be the submissive ones....

 

yeah. it is self defence... but. sometimes. i'm only starting to learn that if i don't defend and protect and care for my feelings, speak about them...trust that being this way is okay, normal, and not some kind of sad, reject loser... then when i get through it...there'll be loads of benefits...I'll have courage to look after myself, self respect, and respect for the different stages/ others are in.
pepetuation needs a loving attendance to commit to being different. and that is making me *cry* becasue i know i'm hardly this understanding or considerate with myself or other people .
it makes me really feel touvhed more and more each time i talk /see these things/factors. and that is more touching becuase i compare to a year ago, when i was wanting to die becuase out self loathing. i'm not looking for some rampant ego to play with.. i'm trying to make friends with the YOUNG woman, i'm starting to respect as me.
and the last girl i lived with was sooo beautiful, a natrual wonder...who cut her arms. it was unbearable to watch the way she sold out to people, and then felt guilty after.
i mean how does a woman relate to another without just saying 'you're being a stupid girl' effectively.
and you can't hide it by pretending to be blase about fourletter fun and frolics. i tried that...it was a show.
i really feel, afraid. and thats not of men..thats of being a woman.

 

I agree with Lynsey. If someone has low self esteem, it is their fault. Did they choose to have the thoughts of how they should look or act pounded into their brain? No. But a time comes when we need to look at ourselves and say, "I'm me and I don't need to live up to any expectations but my own." We can use the excuse that society made us this way, but only for so long. Once you realize that society has put wrong ideas in your head, you need to put real ideas in there. You can't use it to act as a victim all your life, or you'll never be happy. You have to take charge. What else is gonna happen? Can we stop the media from telling us what we're suppposed to look like? No. Can we stop the flow of these ideas? Yes. And it starts with ourselves.

 

sigh...how to just say what i feel directly..okay. the quoted person is the ray of light inthis thread.. she obviously has understanding of the process.

the last poster..and another one says it's your fault..your playing the victim. i can't tell obviously if thats an absoloute..or a possibilty.. a year ago i would have used that as a way of really pushing the knife in. it hurts to put yourself down by saying its all a farce...
the thing is, I KNOW some of it IS. but how will i get to the real deal when i just cut off at the start... there are complex ways of hiding things inside..and i don't understand them..or how to get through..but it has to start somewhere..and ridicule or reducement is an old avoidance tactic i am flippin sick of...
right...treasure seeking starts here!!!

 

I don't try to fit in and I'm still unhappy with no self esteem. Explain that, Sherlock.

 

"To say that low self-esteem is the sufferer's own fault is a harsh and unloving thing to say.
As Sus said, if you have been taught from being a little child that your feelings and needs are unimportant compared to those of other people, that nothing you do is ever quite good enough, and sometimes even that to do what you want is selfish and wrong, you are going to have a problem as an adult. This can and does apply to men and women alike, but disproportionately to women, I think, because society expects women to be caring and nurturing and reinforces the guilt message against asserting yourself.
Imagine saying to such a person "Right, all that self-doubt and lack of confidence is your fault. You have nobody but yourself to blame for feeling worthless." It is unkind, not true and would only compound the despair."

Yes, telling someone with low self esteem that it's their fault will only make it worse. I really don't understand these people who honestly think it will help if they spout every judgemental thought in their head. I have never ever heard someone say that their life just turned around whenever some random stranger told them all their problems were their own fault. I'm learning to have more self esteem now, from my wonderful husband and just learning that I don't have to be like anyone else. But teens and kids are different. Was it my fault that every time I turned on the TV as a kid or teen I saw women who could do it all and be hot without much effort, being married to fat slobs? As though that's all a woman can expect? Maybe it is my fault I turned on the TV but all kids watch TV. Maybe it's my fault that there's never a girl in a magazine that wears bigger than a size zero. Maybe it's also my fault that all the trendy girl clothes are tight or short or slutty? In another thread in this section...the makeup thread...some of the posters said they have to wear makeup to work to look professional. I've never seen a man wearing makeup to look professional...have you? Hmm, so women have to look flawless to look professional, and men don't. Gee, why on earth would any women have self esteem issues?