Would love some advice on whether it is practicable to consider getting back with an ex after three years. We were originally together for five years - first as best friends and then as more. Soul mates if you like. We're both different from other people in the same way and since breaking up neither of us have made it work with anyone else (I haven't even really tried). We broke up because we were not really together - that is, I never wanted to commit as I had too many problems in myself to deal with. I was the only person who ever understood her and even now there is something there that neither of us wants to express openly. The problem is that there is resentment on both sides now, particularly mine as I've seen her change into less than what she was (although I realise it is just a defence against the pricks she's been with). Is it at all possible for something like this to start up again - or is it a lost cause and I should just move on?
Guess this is too sticky for most people (yeah - thanks for nothing dooshbags!!!) I'll have to find out on my own now and I see what happens. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when someone has to make an important decision about their life without the assistance of complete strangers on the internet...
ya know you already know the answer to this quest but i do have a question or two do you trust, ?do you converse? do you like to do the same things are you being realistic as to meld together your desirse or can you persue those independently and still desire eachothers company?
resentment .....you wish to fan the flames of an unsatisfactory past ?? never go back .....it can realy ruin you both //////
Keep in mind that it is highly unlikely that you will totally recapture the magic of the first time around. Time can change a lot of things. Maybe not for the worse, though. If she is interested and you have put a lot of time and thought into it, why not? I know that if I still had feelings for an ex after that long, I'd want to try it again. You only have one life, take chances. If it doesn't work out, it wasn't meant to be. I say go for it. But work out the resentment first.
Yeah - the resentment, not a small thing. We were/are soul mates. I know she blames me for not trying earlier - half of my resentment is from things she told me to make me jealous. And flmkpr - not sure of the trust, haven't spoken enough to see if it's changed, and yes we converse - neither of us relate to other people (we're too different). Thanks people - knew if I called you all 'doosh-bags' I'd get a response...
Kinky is right, its hard to capture that feeling of a previous relationship. I am now dating a girl that I was away from for a year. The original relationship was amasing, but this one (now2 months) seems more like a struggle than anything. I missed her so much for a year and wanted her back so bad, but now I wonder why. If nothing else this little failed relationship might help me finally move on........... But you know what Lemmy says: "The chase is better than the catch!"
can't hurt to try...if it doesn't work out this time, then it wasn't meant to be...but you guys will never know unless you try
Usually i would say no... there was normally a reason you broke up in the first place... But if it was that you didnt want to commit... I ask why? You had stuff to deal with... if more stuff comes up are you gonna need your space? Or can you stick it out.... Id say talk.. discuss what both of you want and need from a relationship... if your both on the same page this time around go for it... but if not... leave it be
definitely my bil and sil were together for a couple of years, then split for a couple of years, and now they're happily married. bil wasnt ready to commit~sil was his first girlfriend, and he wanted the chance to see what it would be like to be with other people. apparently, he wasnt terribly thrilled with other grrls, and finally figured out that sil was his true love. so, i'd say yes, for sure! sometimes people need to take some time to learn and grow in certain areas before a relationship is possible. re: the resentment... take your time and dont push things. dont let your preconceived notions of how things "should be" cloud your vision of what really is.
so many topics about this and I have posted so many times. My long anwser can be found in posts from a few weeks ago. My concise anwser is this: Its always possible. Good sign: you remain friends. Continue slowly at first...can't stress slow.
Okay - update (he said, pretending people gave a shit): Spoke to 'her' yesterday. I had sent her a letter wishing her well etc. She called up in tears saying how I was the only one who understood her etc, The bitterness came up in me and I'm not sure if I can be fair with her given what has happened in the past. But I'll try - as one of you said, I'll take it slow.
awww, that's awesome, i hope that things work out for you guys.. you've gotta work on the bitterness though, that could poison everything. ~be well~
