Gay/Bi men and depression

I do have depression in my life and I’m sure a lot has to do with my sexuality. I still get a lot of shame for what I’ve done sexually with the same sex and a lot comes from why I enjoyed it so much. What am I ? Am I really gay ?
I do know that I’m a sex addict and getting men to give me a BJ was like fish in a barrel so easy. So I took the easy route and continued and explored more with men.
I ended up getting caught by my wife. We are still together she wants to work it out. I do attend SA once a week. It’s been 2 years since my last same sex encounter. I’m still just confused on what I really like because I can’t resist a nice hourglass figure of a woman but I also still think about a cock too. I guess this is where the depression comes from I love my wife but if I continue a life with her, I have to remain faithful to her. The big question is can I go with out sex with a man the rest of my life. BTW I am in counseling with a gay counselor and he doesn’t believe I’m gay with what I’ve told him which has been everything I’ve done. Problem is I’m still not sure. Ugh

 

I have been "in therapy" for too many years to count; the last was back in 2002, and that was enough for me.

I'd like to say that these men helped me in some form, but, in reality, try as I might, I could not find what I needed (at the VERY least, I got a chance to "get things off my chest", with another man, one with an open ear)

Being a married guy who DOES enjoy m/m sex indeed can be QUITE daunting and confusing (I've read so much here from married bi guys to know this quite well)

I'm 100% a masculine, celibate gay man, so, I know my desires lean in one direction only, and, being alone, long ago made up my mind to know that i will never get any "action" except, of course, through "self-stimulation".

Oh, well.

Sure hope things will eventually work out the way you want, my friend....believe me, I KNOW full well what depression is capable of......

 

thepapasmurph:

Once again, you are here to share sage and valuable insight to one and all.

I thought that being GAY in a largely straight society was difficult enough and confusing enough; since joining this board, I can see how daunting, confusing, challenging, and heart-wrenching it can be to be a BISEXUAL man in a straight world.

As difficult as it is, IMHO, it is MOST important to BE YOURSELF, and NOT to try to deny feelings you may have, and to be TRUE to YOURSELF and your desires........

 

Thank you for your response. SA is going pretty well for the most part. It’s a small group I haven’t actually let them know that I’ve had same sex encounters or that’s it’s the gay porn I struggle with.
But I do realize I’m a sex addict just judging by the things porn has caused and led too. Bout lost my job from porn on my work lap top and just all of the other not safe sexual things I’ve done.
I’m trying to be true to my wife and set aside my same sex attractions all sexual as I don’t really see my self in any ltr loving relationships like with a woman, but then again I never thought I would have sex with a man either.
It’s not easy knowing what to do if I left my wife it would cost me a lot on what I would loose.

 

IMHO, depression is an insidious foe.

It is a silent enemy, a vicious enemy that can harm as deeply as though it were a physical ailment.

There is NEVER any shame for a man (gay/bi/straight) to admit he is suffering from depression.

NEVER ignore depression; fight back as hard and as best you can.

Believe me, I know all too well how much of a tremendous challenge it can be to stand up and, head on, fight such a formidable foe........

 

I'm 63, and in a monogamous relationship with a chronically ill mate; mentally and physically. I've been celibate for so long sometimes I barely can remember what sex was like. Reminiscing on our lovemaking gives rise to nothing but an acute sense of loss and feelings of intense grief. Meanwhile, I've got my own issues; chronic pain, PTSD, and major recurrent depression, which seems particularly acute on early mornings like this. Everything seems so bleak and desolate. It's really been kicking my ass of late.

 

I cannot even begin to fathom just how much you have been enduring for so long now; PLEASE know that here, on this forum, you are NOT alone, and can ALWAYS unburden yourself of your many unpleasant issues here, where there are folks who have their own crosses to bear, and know depression, loneliness, and frustration well.

Depression is a TERRIBLE condition to endure, especially when you are fighting the battle all alone.

Keep the faith, my friend, and remember, you have friends here who care and who will always be glad to "lend an ear"....

 

Just a thought......

Ever notice that those people who think that depression is NOT a SERIOUS condition, those clueless individuals who tell you to "man up", generally, have no concept of what is LIKE to suffer from the often-debilitating effects of depression?

Think about it for a minute.......

 

Another important thought.......

If you're a gay or bi man who suffers from depression, DO NOT be afraid to admit it to a family member or a close and trusted friend.

There is NOTHING unmanly about a man admitting he suffers from depression (TV commercials for depression meds only feature WOMEN); here again, the same, decades-old stigma of men NOT being allowed to show their feelings (most especially NOT to another male) is still a popular myth that is continually "played out" today.

I always believed that ANY man (gay/bi/straight) who suffered from depression and ADMITTED it to be MORE manly than a male who REFUSES to admit that depression is eating at him, for fear of appearing unmanly.

This "REAL men don't cry" baloney, and all this other long-outdated "Johnny Macho" nonsense, really gets my blood pressure going.....ANY man who is SURE of his masculinity feels NO SHAME in admitting his depressed state to others.........

 

Really hard time this morning...

 

Please keep coming around and sharing. Hope this can be a healthy outlet for you as you go through the varios challenges in your life.

I do read others inputs and do care. Wish I could do more than just type these words but I do care.

 

Stay STRONG, my friend; you have many friends here, always ready to listen and lend support.

I KNOW all to well what "bad days" (and nights) are like.

Keep on sharing your thoughts and views.....we ALL care.

 

Absolutely, hang in there bud, we are all pulling for you.

 

IMHO, this discussion forum is MORE than just a " 'net discussion forum"; it is, practically speaking, an internet SUPPORT group, which makes this board all the more invaluable.

We're ALL here for each other, for certain.......

 

You are not alone. We can sit here, around this small camp fire, and speak honestly and know we have listeners.

 

Right on, my friend.

On this forum, we ALL (gay or bi) can be HONEST and OPEN with not only others, but also, with ourselves.

I like to think of this board as a very informal meeting of like-minded buddies, buddies who will always lend a collective ear, and always ready to listen, advise, and respond.

After all, we ARE all in this TOGETHER........

 

Just thinking......

ANYONE who thinks that depression is NOT a crippling enemy has obviously NEVER dealt with it, firsthand....it is a MALICIOUS force to reckon with.......believe me, I know, all too well......

 

....for a gay/bi male, I believe that the FIRST step in FIGHTING depression is NOT to deny it.

DO NOT try to be tough or macho; your emotions are sending your brain a VERY important news bulletin:

"YOU have DEPRESSION........DON'T ignore it.......FIGHT back as BEST you can!"

In my own personal experiences, depression can be almost CRIPPLING when you are battling it ALONE.

Then, the battle becomes that much more formidable.....and THAT is when you MUST "gird your loins for battle", and VOW that depression is NOT going to win!!!

Whatever makew you happy in life, REVEL in it....ENJOY it to the FULLEST!

True, this will NOT "cure" depression, not by ANY means, BUT, it will make your battle that much easier to fight...

"Live long and prosper"