Hi, this is my very first post. It is very exciting... Nature's Struggle Once flowing with ease, the river now wheeps Another friend trampled beneath our feet It flourish'd with life, now dead or asleep A promise we made, now broke with deceipt The Buffalo's breath, in cool air lingers uncontested by our black smokey haze T'is when we need room that we yell "Timper!" T'is through God's will that we are but a phase We take you for granted, take you for dead You give us food, breath, and our fruitfulness More species extinct leave our hands stained red Consume! Consumed, our stomach cannot rest T'is Mother Earth with whom we must grow strong! Conserve, Conserve! We've been full for too long Tell me what you think, don't hold back!!
hmm, it appears as if though I posted the same thing twice. Evidentally my inexperience has shone through...
First, welcome to the forums! Second, I liked the poem very much. One thing, check your spelling. Unless it was intentional, it's spelled "weeps" and "deceit". Other than that, I enjoyed reading this, despite the rather dark subject matter.
It's a great message and an important one. Continue to work with the lines: 'The Buffalo's breath, in cool air lingers uncontested by our black smokey haze' Oh, these are fertile but they need to be extended. Don't abandon a winner.
