Alright- so heres the situation: My dad moved out for the second time a little over a month ago. I never really had a strong relationship with him...well, I did, but the last time he knew me was back when I was in 5th grade- I am kind of NOT 11 anymore- I am rather 15. And he was totally NOT THERE when I went through all of my changes when I was 13 and 14. Before he moved out, he had been increasing the hours which he worked. He used to leave at 7, and get back at 6 in the evening as the latest. That was 5 years ago. But recently, he woke up at 4:30 AM, and left for work before 6. He got back from work as I was getting ready to wrap up the day, around 8-10 PM. On weekends he had his eyes glued to his laptop's screen. So, my point is, when he moved out, I didnt have too strong of a relationship, and the only times I saw him were on weekends, in which I didnt communicate very much. I am now confused though. He NEVER spent any time with my brothers and I. Now that he is out, he is constantly trying to make plans with us for weekends. Its been a little over a month since he's left and he is incredibly impatient, as far as letting us get used to the idea of him not living with us goes. He just doesnt get the fact that we aren't happy with his desicion (my mom didnt want him to leave). Of course, we accept it, but we are still you know, upset. And yet he wants us to hang with him, and is even trying to get us to sleep over his new apartment on weekends. When we object he gets mad, and many times blames it on my mother for "brainwashing us" and making us think that he is evil. I just dont feel like he deserves to be the one to see us on weekends, since my mom is the one who "discovered" me and my brothers, and helped us find who we are, and raised us, supervised us, let us have friends over, arranged things, drove us around, shopped for us, etc. I really dont want to go to my dad's, but I know he'll get angry, and I also feel bad...thats the one thing abuot me- I am EXTREMELY compassionate, so whenever this issue comes up I am confused as to whether I should object because that is how I REALLY feel, or if I should go just for the sake of it. Sorry for the long post, but- what do you guys think?
dad butters the bread. when you go to college, dad is going to help. when you need car insurance, dad is gonna help. when you get arrested and need bailed out of jail and a laywer, guess who? daddy. to make all this money to cover you causes alot of stress. so dad is not always gonna have time for you, or treat you perfect, he's a fuck-up just like you are a fuck-up, not sayin yall are fuck-ups, just sayin everybody is a fuck-up. its best to stay on his good side, follow his lead, and go with the flow. go hang out with him when you can, or when he can, yall might have fun, and if you stay on his good side, he'll keep butterin that bread, if you piss him off, he might cut you off.
Yeah, Ive thought about it that way, but if staying with him just because he gives me money a good reason? Shouldnt it be about the relationship????
And I know he has good intentions when he works, he's trying to make money to support the family, but he himself wont admit that he had his prioties in the wrong places in some cases. I also find it somewhat odd that right when my parents got out of their terrible debt that had been paying off over the last 8 years that he leaves her. I just dont think money is the right reason to stay with him.
do it, you can't be mad at him for leaving....if someone you love wants to leave you have to let them go and just hope they'll come back..which luckily he did. you should be grateful, my dads a jerk and i wish he would leave but unfortunatly he's still here. at least the guys putting forth an effort to have a relationship with his son, can't say that for most
I would try to sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. By the sound of things, he's a complete workaholic and might not really have a good idea of how upset you are. My grandpa was the same way to my mom when he divorced my grammy when my mom was 16... they ended up not speaking for close to 12 years until I was born. You don't want to lose your father like that even if he's being a jerk.
well you're lucky that your dad wants to spend time with you at all. i know alot of kids who would love to have a relationship with their dad but dont or cant. If you really seriously dont want to go see your dad, noone can make you. it is your decision after all. Tho, you should give your dad some reason (IMO). If it makes you feel better to tell him how you feel, write him a letter. You could do it face to face as well, but I find that sometimes it does help to be able to write all your feeling on a paper and then give it to him. Sooner or later as you get older, you might start to wish you had an actual relationship with him. Yah, he works alot maybe he thought that he had to, to try to provide a good life for you guys ya know? maybe he didnt want to live pay check to paycheck and live off of pork and beans every night for supper. I am not a parent, but i'm sure its hard being a parent whos trying to provide for thier family and then have children who cant understand that b/c you work too many hours...yet at the same time i can understand what its like to not want a relationship with your own dad/mom b/c they seem like a stranger to you. anyway, do what you want its your decision but if you can you should always always try to put yourself in someone elses shoes and imagine how you would feel if it was YOU. make sense?
Thanks guys for your opinions, its helping me un-confuse myself... Any additional opinions are welcome...
dude go with what you feel- im a person who hates people amd at me andf always tries to please other people but you learn that you have to please yourself to and you cant please everyone else so go with what feels right to you- talking to him is probably the best thing. it seems like he acres a lot and will understand and he is just going through a funk right now- it happens to everyone
well youre dads never gonna be perfect. neither are you. but you both got to try to make the best of what you got. now you can come up with a million things he should do or could do, im sure he can come up with just as many things that you should do. but htats not the way to look at it. you have to look at what you can do. he has to look at what he can do. no taking, only giving. heres a thought. when the new star wars movies came out, i had some friends who were expecting them to be the old star wars. so they ended up hateing the new ones. i had no expectations about the new ones, and i ended up liking them. it was the same movie, they just had too high of expectations so they were let down. i had NO expectations, and i enjoyed them.
