Does sex feel like a chore?

Well, with that said, and based on the challenges you described in your opening post, I feel good knowing that you are becoming more empathetic and compassionate.

 

It's hard to be in a relationship hard not to be,find a way

 

There's other promises made during a marriage by both. You're a genuine man and beleuve in upholding what you swore to do. Your wife obviously doesn't have your morals.
As someone advised you in an earlier comment, do not give her reason to beleive that you'd never ever leave her. It's a ticket to a life long episode of sadness for you. If you want a proper relationship with her then the only way I'm afraid is for her to be posed with the thought of losing you. If she has the slightest feeling that she's going to lose what she has in you then that will be when you know the truth. She'll either recognise you're not happy and be willing to try and work things out or she'll again make out that it's you being selfish and it's all your fault. I have a good feeling which way it will go.
As for your boy, you will be there for him. Nothing to stop you.

 

If sex should feel like a chore then there is clearly something wrong .
Perhaps vary the routine try some fun positions ,add a little kink like a blindfold for example or perhaps add fun into the proceedings .

The best way is to talk to your partner and try to improve things .

 

When you have to basically BEG for attention it IS a chore. When you work your ass off around the house trying to please her, wine and dine her........and she says no.....AGAIN. Fuck it! It used to be fun. Now I don't care! Four years of neither one of us "caring"!

 

A good man does things for his wife because he's happy if she's happy. But when it's all one direction, in your care in her direction, she's content and you'll end up eventually losing your mental health. If you are dead set on being her puppet till death so you part then for your own well being get out and socialise. Maybe releive your tensions away from home. I've known wives like yours who are actually OK with their husbands having no strings sex elsewhere just so they don't have to do it.

 

Well i am now 69 years old and my secnd wife is now 59 years old, It is not even close of being a chore, It is still play time in my book, But my wife backed off over 9 months ago

 

So true! At least not for long...

 

If sex is a chore I’m a workaholic

 

A chore maybe for her, but it's a chore she keeps doing. If you're heading for a sexless marriage, it will be because you see the glass as mostly empty and just give up.

As to fixing this, see a good relationship therapist, together. 3-4 visits will probably do it. You could do it on your own, but you don't seem inclined. That's because you don't have a sex or sexual arousal problem - you have a communication problem, and you are as much to blame for that as your wife is, maybe more to blame.

Answering the question: "Why do couples stop having sex?" is easy. Answering the question, the important one for you: "Why do couples who keep having sex keep having sex?" is what you must do. There's good research into it. Couples who keep having sex do 3 things: (1) they both explicitly and periodically say it's important to them; (2) they make time for it, not excuses; and (3) they check-in periodically perhaps weekly or monthly, and discuss how it's going and what they might do differently to produce a better result.

Couples who remain motivated for sex aren't doing it because they're always both in the mood at the same time, nor because the sink isn't full or dishes, nor because all the bills are paid, nor because they're not tired. No, they do it even though they're tired or one of them isn't super excited about it. They do it because they both said it was a priority to maintain physical intimacy, and they keep their commitments. In short, they talk about it.

Her: "Not now, I've got to get up at 5:30 am to give an important presentation at work in the morning." Him: "OK, how about when you get home from work tomorrow ?" Conversation continues, until both are satisfied, and their commitment is clear.

 

Trying to have kinky sex with my wife is very much a chore. The older i get the kinkier i get. Shes going the total opposite way

 

You're not alone, that's for sure

 

Try with something innocent first like a blind fold . It heightens the sense of touch . If she has a collection of silk scarves then use one of those at first.
We used this game to get more into Kink. We played it one Valentines Day evening . By turn 5 she was naked apart from stockings over my knee lol .

The fact that the instructions were on cards ,kind of made her accept them .