(((Relationship Hostage)))

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by BrownTripleQQ, Feb 16, 2005.

  1. BrownTripleQQ

    BrownTripleQQ Member

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    Ever been in a relationship in which your lover threated to kill himself/herself or hurt himself/herself, if you decided to break up?

    How did or could you deal with this sort of situation???

    Fellas & Ladies....let us know your thoughts!!!!
     
  2. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

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    been there... I stayed and got tourtured. It was pretty stupid of me too because he was abusive. I should have just not cared. He wasn't my responsibility.
     
  3. Zeppelingirl

    Zeppelingirl Member

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    You shouldn't stay in that sort of situation.

    That's how my mom married my dad. He threatened to kill himself if she didn't... and then since they had messed around, my grandma made her get married to him. Nothing good came out of the whole thing except my sister and I, my mother says
     
  4. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

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    i had a guy tell me that if i left him, he would kill himself.

    so, i left him.

    of course it turned out to be an empty threat, which i knew it was all along.

    even after i broke up with him, he would call and say things like, "if you don't get back together with me, i'll really kill my self!" :rolleyes: he's still alive and kickin' last i heard.
     
  5. ahimsa

    ahimsa Senior Member

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    I think its an empty threat to keep you in an emotionally abusive situation.

    If its not, you are not obligated, equipped, or emotionally detached enough to deal with it.

    I would assume that it was a serious threat, reffer him to help and get out while you can
     
  6. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

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    I was just thinking about that guy the other day. He and his family were CRAZY!!! I used to cut and when I started getting better, he got scared thinking I wouldn't need him anymore and dump him. So he started abusing me kind of and one time he cut himself really bad because I wouldn't have sex with him and I told his parents and they blamed ME!! I never went back there again and he cheated on me anyway and finally left. I guess he cheated because I totally avoided him after that. I didn't want some psycho on my hands while I was trying to get better!

    So yeah, that's what I did. I'd probably just call hte cops if it ever happened again and tell them to take him to the booby hatch.
     
  7. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    yes I had a guy threaten to kill himself if I left him we weren't dating that long at all-maybe like 3 weeks!!! so I called his dad who I knew when I got into my car and left.
     
  8. Faerie

    Faerie Peachy

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    I would never stay in that kind of relationship...Its a onesided relationship.. only about that person... Who cares if their serious about their threats cause in outie anyways... If i want ount their aint nothing thats gonna make me stay.... I need to do whats best for me first... and being in a muniplative relationship like that aint good for no one
     
  9. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

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    Another guy threated to hurt himself because I wasn't paying him a lot of attention (I had just started a new job) I had only been with him for a few weeks. It was weird. Then he wouldn't leave me alone when I tried to break up with him so I had to be really mean. I had a dream a year or so later about him yelling at me for it and I found out the next day he had killed himself. From what I hear it was over another girl.
     
  10. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

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    ahhh that's sad. I couldn't imagine killing or hurting myself over a guy and I couldn't imagine putting that kind of emotional blackmail on someone that I loved.
     
  11. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

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    yeah, I can't imagine what THAT girl feels like. He was pretty messed up. A huge wave of acid came through town a few years ago and I think he took way too much because it wasn't until after that did he start acting crazy.

    Goes to show you how harmful stuff can be.
     
  12. tokens

    tokens Member

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    Wow, I guess it's a pretty common trick played by some guys. Grr. I went through the same situation. There were times when I wanted to kill him myself.
     
  13. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

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    yes, my ex threatened to kill himself if we broke up. He even took it as far as calling me from the hospital payphone to tell me he was in the hospital for trying to kill himself, which was a lie, he just went in there to use the phone and so I could hear the background and believe him, which i didnt anyways..
    But everytime i would try and break it off with him cause he was a cheat and a horrible person, he would cry and cry and tell me he was going to kill himself.. I would tell him that he needs help and this is all a ploy for making me feel sorry for you. He even tried to strangle himself with his belt one time in front of me.. The kid obviously had problems cause he was mentally abusive to me and was crazy.. I just told him I didnt care if he did..to go ahead and if he wanted my help, i would be glad to lend a helpind hand.. I know sounds harsh, but what he did to me was way worse.. He never did kill himself, infact he is living off of some rich girl..
     
  14. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    My ex did this too. A lot. I had a rough time with it because we’d already been together for almost a year and a half before any type of bad behavior like that started appearing. Also, it wasn’t usually a threat to keep me to stay with her, although she would do that too. She used it as a way to garnish sympathy and attention, but only after all her other methods failed, of which there were many.



    It’s easy to say that you’ll just leave, that it’s not your responsibility to deal with, but when you’ve been with someone for quite a while and you actually do love them, it’s not quite as easy as it sounds.
     
  15. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

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    You're right, i was with my ex over two years... And then realized how crazy he was..
    When someone plays with your emotions like that, they have no regards for your feelings or anything...
     
  16. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    But do you think they do it intentionally or is it something that just comes natural to them? My ex had mastered what’s known as intermittent reinforcement. She could be the sweetest thing in the world and make you feel like king of the universe, then explode into a spiteful bitch who hated you because you were the source of all her problems. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but basically, when you never know what to expect, it wears you down.
     
  17. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

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    I dont know, I think they do it intentionally so that you will feel sorry for them and not leave them, maybe some its just how they are.. Who knows though.

    My ex also had his fits of rage to where I didnt even know who he was. Like a Jekyle(sp) and Hyde type of deal.. It was sorta scary, it was like, who will it be today mr. nice guy, or the name calling piece of shit..and then it continually got to be the piece of shit..He would talk about suicide everytime i told him i didnt want to see him anymore.. He must have played the suicide card over 30 times.. Some he would try in front of me other times he would say he was and hang up the phone.. I am just surprised hes not in a mental ward cause thats just sorta crazy if you ask me...
     
  18. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    Sounds like I was with the female version of him!

    ...and no offense to anyone on these boards with a personality disorder, but I'm never going to date somebody with one again, if I can help it.
     
  19. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

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    then i feel your pain :D

    If people were like products and came with a warning label, things would be easier...
     
  20. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

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    Well see, I think they do come with those warning labels, kinda… They’re called red flags, and once you know what to look for, no matter how good you think it is, once a couple of them pop up, that label might as well be stamped on there forehead, and it should be the last thing you see before you turn around and run!
     
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