Window Pain

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Lozi, Feb 19, 2005.

  1. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

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    I am bread,
    but am I not a pencil?
    And also chocolate eyeliner,
    flavoured with vinegaress salt?

    I can be, do, see, try,
    anything.
    I can fly,
    I can merge with the sky while its lume,
    casts a gloomy contextual ribbon flow.

    In first class, maybe pleb.
    Not sure, she said.
    Could it be, my heavy eyes.
    want a mugger behind me?
    That very same brand; dress nonsense,
    Alone strikes terror; by the window.
    By your leave, I am numb.
    Undone.
    Alone.
    Frightened.
     
  2. Kris?

    Kris? Senior Member

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    spiffy
     
  3. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

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    spiffy??
     
  4. kidder

    kidder Member

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    Ah, the princess of random! Sometimes it works. I like the first two 'stanzas' and something's building there worthy of pursuing. Then you run out of gas and we're gaping at an open and deserted highway. Oh, please let us ride again!
     
  5. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

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    hahah that's the beauty of it kidder:D teehee. i delibarately stoped the gas. not quite a desert highway but a traIn gathering speed and then suddenly stopping at a station.


    i can't spell delibarate:( correct me
     
  6. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

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    That was really great - a sense of urbanity, loss, waiting and despondency.
     
  7. moe-ron10091

    moe-ron10091 Member

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    casts a very heavy vibe of bewilderment
    i like it
     
  8. Smiling_Rose

    Smiling_Rose Member

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    "And also chocolate eyeliner,
    flavoured with vinegaress salt?"



    - this put a bad taste in my mouth, lol. i liked it a lot- it has a very odd atmoshpere of confusion and rythym and heaviness.. can't quite put my finger on what, but it makes me feel something!
     
  9. Firebelle

    Firebelle Member

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    You write like I think. Is that a compliment? Don't know! *smiles*

    X
     
  10. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

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    ~* Very cool, like the different thoughts that pop up when i read and reread this. Thanks *~
     
  11. nitemarehippygirl

    nitemarehippygirl Senior Member

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    i liked it; it was very... weird, for lack of a better word. i'll admit i cringed at the title though.

    peace
    sophia
     
  12. Lozi

    Lozi Senior Member

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    oh yeah, i just shoved a random title on there. terrible i know hehe:p
     
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