My gf is real sweet but she has bi polar...just some questions...

She has bi polar and ADD. I have never known anyone with Bi Polar and very few with ADD so what should I know?

The other night she was having a tough time and I wanted so badly to be there for her and massage her and just help in any way possible but she seemed cold. She brought me out to the hallway and told me it wasn't me. she just needed alone time and no one could help her. For me, I hate to feel helpless like that and feel I need to do something sweet to help. But it was in vain and I had to leave. The next day she told me she was def. suffering from the lows of bi polar but she says she has it under control most of the time, especially cause of this medication or something she takes.

Anything to know in the future? I'm an average guy with no such expereince in these situations and I think I can handle it. Any opinions?

 

bi polar is very hard to deal with so think long and hard about how much you care about her and what you are willing to put up with. Don't make any promises and string her along further and leave her when it will hurt more. Bi polar makes some people like Jekel and Hyde. They have fits and temper tantrums sometimes for no reason. They cannot handle stress very well, and sometimes a relationship is a lot of stress. If she keeps in under control a lot then great. But you can't keep it locked up inside all the time. If she needs ot be alone, let her be, but be close by so if she needs you, you can be there. Be supportive and never patronize her. Never call her crazy in the heat of a moment. Try to remember if at some point she seems completely unreasonable, that she has a disorder. But keep that thought to yourself. Never come out and say it's just the bipolar when she's upset. That's like saying "oh it's just your craziness".

I think if you are very in love with her, you can do it, but know it is very hard and really think about it because making promises you can't keep can be very destructive in her eyes. It's hard to trust people when you have bi polar. Read up on it as much as you can. Talk to her parents and find out what to expect. Learn everything you can and you should be ok.

Good luck!

 

Bi-Polar or MPS (Multiple Personality Syndrome)?
They share some similarities yet are very, very different in most other aspects...

 

the national institute of mental health homepage...
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/

 

I know what you are going through carl. I have been there myself. If I were you I would think long and hard about your relationship. I have had to look at my relationship with somebody who I know had bipolar. One of the hardest things you are going to deal with is seeing her in a real state. It is heart breaking. Infact it drove me into a state of depression. When they want to be alone just let them. She will have moments where she would want to rip your head off. There will be times when she goes manic in shops and buys the entire stock. I am not kidding! If you are willing to be there to pick up the pieces then go for it. It is not going to be easy. If you decide to split up with her at a later date then she may not be able to cope with it. I have a friend who has been in a psychiactric ward after she split up with her bf because he couldn't cope.

Your best bet is to read up about bipolar. It is an extremely difficult disorder to live with for everybody.

Matt

 

I have adhd and all I can say about that is be patient when she changes the subject a lot or cuts you off. I don't know anyone who's bi-polar but we all get depressed and have our low points and I can say just stay with her-don't leave her side, don't leave the room and I'm sure her low points will decrease.

 

MPS is even worse. That's why I asked.

Been there/done that/got the tees and more...

 

I believe bi-polar and MPS are very different. Bi-polar refers to someone who has distincitve mood swings, from manic, which as described above, is almost an amazing energy and good vibe, to depression, which can be quite intense.
I believe, anyways...
Peace

 

I went out with a girl with bi-polar for close to 2 years. Here's my advice -

1. Draw a line and don't let her cross it. Be very realistic with this line, at the start you draw it very generously but you'll find that it's not sustainable.

2. Make sure she's getting professional help - you are neither prepared for such a feat emotionally or psychologically, a professional is.

Be careful with it

Sebbi

 

Hi, as someone who has struggled with depression and psych-drug-induced mania, maybe I can help. My husband of nine years has not had an easy time with me that is for sure. It can be frustrating as hell. There is a book for people in your situation I'd like to reccomend called Depression Fallout. It just sort of helps explain what the person is going thru and how to deal with your feelings of frustration. Some times you might think she is doing things on purpose but that is most likely not the case. I know I've tried to explain what goes on in my head till I'm blue in the face and my hub still doesn't get it. That's OK though, as long as he understands I don't want to be this way and I can't help it. Also be aware that some psych meds can make things worse. Many times when a depressed person takes anti-depressants it can cause mania, or worse. Y'all should both research anything she is taking. If there are terms on the side effects list you don't know, look them up, you'd be amazed. Try to come up with activities to do together where she can expend some energy. Make sure if she is on meds she also has a talk therapist.
Please know you can feel free to PM me any time, I know its frustrating.

 

I have some expereince dealing with people with manic-depression(aka bi-polar personality disorder) one was an ex of mine the other person used to to be one of my best friends. There are some things to consider. 1.Bi-polar disorder has a genetic cause and can be passed on from parent to child but it can skip generations.Do you want kids that are bi-polar? 2. Do you want your kids to have a parent that is bi-polar? Here's the best way to deal with a gf or bf that is bi-polar. Turn around and run the opposite direction as fast as you can and never look back. You'll be glad that you did.

 

my mom doesn't seem to thrilled, I just told her....

 

The best thing you can do is learn as much about bipolar depression as you possibly can. For example, is she Bipolar I or Bipolar II? They're quite different. There's some good advice in this thread, but there's also alot of misinformation.

There's entire online communities for people like you who are in relationships with someone who's bipolar. I'd highly recommend joining one; being in a group of people experiencing similar situations can really put things in perspective, and just reading about others real life situations might help you help your girl.

http://psychcentral.com/resources/Bipolar/Support_Groups/

Anyways, I found all this out the hard way with my last girl. I thought, I'd taken four years of psychology classes, I know what bipolar is, I know what borderline personality is; I can handle it. ...It had a funny way of sneaking up on me and proving I didn't know shit, lol. So now, if I see someone like you out here... I do my good deed for the day. Good luck!

 

kinda late, but that seems harsh, a cowards way out if you will. I am willing to give it a chance like I would any other relationship. everyone has problems, some are just not surfaced as much as hers....Is that what you do when you see a problem you don't like...run the other way? If things don't work out it will be for other reasons...but if my worse problem is something she has no control over than i have a pretty good life cos most of the time she is sweet.

 

As someone who is bi-polar the best thing I can tell you is to be aware of her moods and don't take it personally if she wants to be alone or has a mood swing.

The other thing I would say is be honest with her, tell her what your issues are, specific flaws in her character, but be nice and do it one at a time, tell her the things that affect your relationship, this is very helpful to someone with bipolar, because apart of the healing process is to know your shortcomings and to be able to control them as much as you can, and the most important factor here is being aware of those things, and because she is dealing with the disease she probably won't be able to recognize all of her bad points, she will need you to be honest with her and tell her, kindly so she can work on them.

Also I don't think you should run away from her, it's really not that bad, especially if she is getting professional help and not in denial about it. Some people with bipolar don't even show it, you wouldn't be able to detect it, just act like she has a few flaws instead of a disability.

 

It is a coward's way out. Obviously you care about this girl, and I applaud you for seeking answers. I hope it works out.

 

thanks a lot buddy! its a late response but you mind if I pm you or talk on aim? whatever you want, if not, its cool, i understand. Just wanna seek out as much help as I can. That medical stuff and research can only go so far but talking to an actual person with bi-polar is the best way to learn about it, not from a text book, in my opinion.

 

sure, it's no problem

 

Hey I can't give much advice but I would like to tell you I have mucho respect for you man. It takes alot to take on something like that. Just remeber love is stronger then anything.

 

Oh my gosh... this really strikes a chord with me. My boyfriend of a year and a half is Bi-Polar and ADD, too. I have gone through the SAME EXACT thing as you have described. When my boyfriend and I first go together, some times he would just become extremely sad for everything.. "sad for the world", as he said. I would try to comfort him, touch him, do things for him.. but he kept telling me he just needed to be alone. At first I couldnt help but feel hurt that he didn't want me to help (or so I thought), but that was not the case.
1) Remeber that these things are PHYSIOLOGICAL.. meaning they can't help it! It's in their brain chemsitry. No matter how much chicken soup you make, how many massages you give.. you can only help so much.
2) JUST YOU CARING HELPS. Really. Just lay there with her.. you don't even need to say anything. The best way you can help is to just let her figure things out and deal with it in her own way. Many people with Bi-polar disorder have been dealing with this for most of their life, and have learned their own ways to cope. So just make sure she knows you care, and that YOU ARE THERE IF SHE NEEDS YOU.
3) After dating her for a while you'll be able to recognize when she's "down" and when she's "up". If she's down, she might say something that you'll take the wrong way. Don't take it personally if she says "I don't want to talk about it" or "I need to be alone right now". Just know when to let her be.

As far as the ADD goes, its not really a problem (but it CAN get kind of annoying). I know I am guilty at being annoyed at my bf some times because it takes like 6 tries for us to leave the house cause he forgets things alot. Actually right as I am typing this, he asked me for my cellphone (which he was just talking on) and claimed that he gave it back to me (he didnt). It just rang - it was in the bathroom. Why was it there? Because of ADD. So yeah, stuff like that can get old sometimes. But I don't really care, because I love him.. Alot!

hope this helps