I have this fantasy about my girlfriend being with another guy while I watch and/or join in. She wants to do it for me because she says that her only fantasy is to make mine come true. But when it comes down to it she feels that she can't do it. She's extremely open minded, but very shy. So I figure that perhaps I get going on one of HER fantasies and possibly break her out of the scaredness of sexual adventures. But I can not get a straight answer out of her as to what hers are. All she tells me is her only one is to make mine come true (which of course would go to a viscous (sp.) cycle). How can I draw out the inner truth from her? Any ideas? Also, if we actually do end up with wanting group sex, how would we go about finding clean, sane people? Any advice is good advice. Thanks!
Well put... Althought we have been together for almost 3 years and there is a SIGNIFICANT amount of love and trust between us, I understand what you're saying. I understand that we still have a long way to go. Thanks alot freaky. Any other thoughts?
sounds like something that is gonna take time and some slow work. Maybe start off with her masturbating with a dildo for you (or a vibrating dildo), giving her the opportunity to flirt while you watch but nothing more than flirting or dancing comes of it. To me, it sounds like she is unsure if it's something she's going to enjoy, and unsure of how to get another guy to join up in a threesome. Us shy girls kinda suck at taking the first step in these sorts of things, it takes time to build up confidence enough
Start slow, and use common sense. Find a respectful hobbie or two that allows sexy conversation, like photography or sculpture or gardening. Then make sure not to push the issue so much you look like a dork. Keep the issue alive by saying 'someday', but remember to pay personal attention to her on special days. Make sure it is known that you expect someday to come. Test the limits by having conversations with other girls, then being attentive to your girl. Be public with your intentions. Take her on shopping sprees at thrift shops, the mod stuff is there, and you can play fantasy characters, like disco for halloween. And go to couple massage workshops at the communiversity. Or give tasteful massages to her in public at the park. Become known for handshakes and elbow touchin. Keep a tasteful coffetable book on horses or brazil in sight always. And always buy red wine with a picture of a little animal on it, girls love that. They think it's sexy.
Hello, this is JesterMasque's girlfriend. He showed this to me, and I thought it was a good idea to ask other people what their advice was. Here's the thing: me and him have a great sex life, and I'm never scared to do anything with him. I really want to be able to have three-somes with both guys and girls, but the thought of it drives me nuts.. I have so many feelings on it. If it was with a girl, I would probably get really really jealous and want to stop. Plus, I'm really insecure and shy so I wouldn't want to do anything with a guy, really. Even if it felt good, it's just not worth the nervousness and stuff. I'd be so scared I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. Another thing is that I have this thing about doing anything with other guys.. I don't even like casually having guys touch me... it makes me feel like I'm being unfaithful. So how could I possibly have sex with another guy and not feel like I cheated? I think part of it is due to the fact I've only had one real sex partner. Another big thing is that I've read reviews about three-somes, and almost every time it's said that having the three-some ruined the relationship completely. It made it impossible to trust each other and the relationship just went down the toilet from that point. I love my boyfriend very much, and I'd much rather not chance throwing away our 2 1/2 years together. My question is: how can I get over these fears? There's so many things to worry about, I don't know how I could possibly invite another person into our sex life without compromising something so very important. Please help me!!
You two are twenty? Do not invite others into your sex life. If you have only had one sex partner then it is probably no accident. Many folks, several generations possibly, worked hard to give you that blessing. But it is true that you will, and should, want to explore life more fully than that. I hope you read my post to Jester. I advise you of the same, but also. . . Relax. It is ok to be nervous. You don't need to do everything at once, or anything right now. Just begin to let it be known that you think 'maybe someday' and start practicing how to be coy, smart, strong, and coy (yes i know i said that twice) at the same time. Start by sitting next to other folks while your bf is sitting with someone else. After a few minutes get up and nicely ask him if you can sit with him, or if he is free. Sit boy/girl/boy or g/b/g and flirt (a little) with people. Promise nothing, and rule nothing out. NEVER SKIP A STEP. If you are going to think of sex with someone, there should be courtship first. YOU DESERVE COURTSHIP. I suggest a six month courtship between when adults say yes, till when yes becomes now (if you want i can write more on that). I think you are probably lovely, and you should not feel guilty. #
You guys might consider going to a swingers club. It is a fun place to meet open minded people, and lots of people go to dance, drink and flirt. Many do not participate in sex with anyone else. It is all just a tease for their own bedroom enhancement. I agree with Rastapatch, take it slow and be on the same page. Write down your rules and review them together before you make any changes. The open lifestyle is really better when both partners are open minded and comfortable with each other and sex in general. In many cases a couple swings because the woman is bisexual, and it gives her an option that can include her lifetime partner. It really sounds like your girlfriend is trying to please you, and might not be into it. Protect her from your whems if that is all that is turns out to be. A pron movie might be enough to decide how much further to take it. I am a fan of the lifestyles. My wife is not. It is something we worked out when we were just friends, long before we became partners. We both knew that we were not ever going to be compatible in this area. We found a compromise and we are both happy. I would prefer she join me as a swinger, and she might prefer that I was not as wild. We both realize that this is who we are (or want to be) so we give each other the room to be ourselvs. Good luck and I hope you get to enjoy a wild adventure, as long as no one gets hurt. James
Jester, I agree with all who have answered. You must go slow. Its your fantasy and not hers. So, dont be selfish and rush the process. It sounds you guys have a wounderful relationship including SEX. That is very, very difficult to find these days. Keep your girl happy. My wife and I have done the same. So we do have experience in this alley. But, we have been married for 26 yrs and have two lovely girls, both over 21. Your girlfriend is RIGHT in worrying about preserving the "relationship". She have seen others fail in this arena. It is possible for the relationship to go down the tube if you two (both) are not mature enough to rationalize it. In your case, your girlfriend has had only sex with you and that is the tallest barrier you have. Her psyque is not ready for this. Let me tell you a bit abt our case. I was introduced to nudism while going to school at UCLA (Los angeles). I became a beachcomber in my sparetime. I always SEPARATED nudism from sex. It is healthy to separate them. Nudism is a self esteem booster. Makes people feel at ease with their bodies and to socialize with other humans in the nude. Makes no issue of the genitals and help people lower anxiety and apprehensions. I had also abt 8 sexual partners before meeting my present wife. In the other hand, my wife had about 14 partners between the ages of 14 and 20. We married when she was 20. She had learned how to enjoy sex. Love and sex are two different things. You have platonic love and carnal love. Finding the two together is the DIFFICULT proposition. <YOU GUYS MAY HAVE THAT NOW>. I intorduced my wife to nudism since we were engaged. She was very shy at the beggining but then became MORE interested in nudism than ME. As of today she is the one pushing to go to the beach. We started going to nude beaches, here in Europe and Caribbean. Then we made friends and felt at ease. Throughtout the years we developed a humorous, teasing and joking style of conversation that was good to make friends and eliminate all feelings of jealousy. We accepted both that we had become very open minded. Not only saying it but living it. We maintained our normal discretion, but with close friends we started TALKING more open about sex, relaionships, movies, etc. and from time to time we found people wanting to be our friends because we were very open minded. And that was the start. We can go longer here but I dont want to be boring to the rest of the audience. Should you and your girlfriend want to correspond more on this subject please tell me and I will give you my email so you can clarify your questions and do something right ... and avoid breaking what it seems a wounderful relationship. Cheers, Tony
sounds like your girlfriend either has problems with trusting you or that she is still getting in touch with her sexuality. Although women are sexually active at a young age, I feel women tend to 'grow into' their sexuality much more than men and this takes time.
Hey just found this thread, I know its about amonth old but gonna add my 02 cents.. I had/have the same fantasy...my girlfriend and I have been together since we were 15 and since 16 I've been telling her about it until finally this last November she decided that she was ready to try it, she slept with 2 guys and I was totally shocked that she actually went ahead and slept with other guys since I was her first and only. I think if you guys have been together long enough and trust each other you'll be fine. We're 19 so we can relate to the stuff you guys go through..honestly I dont regret letting my g/f sleep with other guys and wouldn't mind if she continued doing it. Btw we're also in IL like you. I didnt watch or join, on the other hand she slept the other guys house when she was gonna do it
So.....in answer to your girlfriends post... My guy mentioned to me a while ago that he'd like to see me fucked by another guy and I thought the same things as u (would I feel unfaithful, would it be awkward etc) and felt a little unsure about it, after a while of discussing it and talking about it during sex, I went along with the idea and man was it hot!! I didn't feel awkward or anything like that,the sex was amazing and my guy said it was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. The fact that u have 2 men touching and pleasuring u is really hot!! There hasn't been any negative response within our relationship at all and there was no jealously at the time either. We actually involved a friend of ours as the 3rd party who I was comfortable with but obviously thats not for everyone, better for some to involve a stranger as ties are cut straight after. Honestly it was the most turned on I've been and I often still replay it in my mind, you are young though and one thing to bear in mind in my opinion is whether or not u can separate "sex" from emotion and love, if jealously is present in your relationship its probably not the way to go, for instance I would never involve another woman as I wouldn't feel good about my partner being with her but for him, seeing me being fucked by someone else was a big turn on. Tread carefully and only do what u feel comfortable with, don't do anything just to please each other!! Many people have turn ons and fantasies that never get acted upon due to the other person not being into the same things and that's perfectly fine, its just how life works, it should never be a deal breaker, sex needs to be pleasurable for both people to get the most out if it, try involving the scenrio with dirty talk during sex and see how it makes u feel, if the thought of it turns u on then go for it!!!!
This post show be the de facto quote to read for every woman feeling the same insecurities before a 3 sum
