In a very happy relationship but can't stop thinking of sex outside of it

You have microphone on your phone, yes

Read all that out loud whilst recording it
Then about a month later play it back to yourself, see what you sound like

There is too much emphasis on what you just posted there about if she could get aroused by another man

You are not really fooling the ladies

 

The fact you are even asking this means it is what you should try before anything else. And I'd wish you success because it sounds like you and your girlfriend have the basis of a really good thing. I really respect the level of honesty where you will give it, even if it makes the other cry, and I also really respect being able to hear honesty that hurts, and being able to handle it.

 

I appreciate your answer brother. Thanks for the motivation

 

Brother.. Hehe.

@WhatJustHappened see? you're not the only one : ) everyone thinks I'm a man. I must have a masculine shadow.

 

Take yourself out of this thread and please don't go back. Go find people who share the same beliefs ,that would surely be more comfortable to digest.
I honestly don't have the energy to go out of the topic for someone who is not open and respectful. If you have things to share that's great , I'll listen. If you are jumping to assumptions and judgments then you are losing your time because this will be my last answer to you.

 

Haha my bad

 

It's just increasingly amusing to me because it's a frequent thing : ) I don't mind.

 

As for practical advice. Have you tried maybe carrying a photo of your girlfriend and whenever you experience an uncontrollable desire to follow a random woman, you could just sit and meditate on your relationship and what you want. Or jack off thinking of her. Train your brain.

 

Wow , didn't think of that at all. This is exactly the type of advice I was looking for! Thank you so much , will definitely do

 

First of all I agree with some of the other posters ie do not cheat .

I can't really give you a solution to your problem even though I have picked up where I think the problem lies .As you say you were a late developer and that I think is the crux of your problem . You havn't played the field enough before settling down .Many guys tend to be in double figures before settling down and some I dare see may reach 3 figures. This means that many have tried most types of women before finding their ideal partner . And now your seeing these tempting and very different girls to the one you have settled down with . You perhaps need some way of getting this out of your system .

 

Of course I thought about this but I also don't believe that this is a formula to success . The more you try different women, the higher the chance you'll find you ideal one. I know guys who are on this fun single lifestyle to their 50's and still didn't find the right woman. I consider myself pretty lucky that she is my 10th try but I also feel like the more I go into this path of sex exploration the less likely I am growing my skills to maintain a long term relationship . I sure will learn a lot about sex and flirting , but what about communication ? patience ? trust? faith ? and so on and so on. Sexual encounters are only about fun that's it. You're not building anything for the long run. So that's why I'd rather face this challenge and pluck it from its roots rather than succumbing to it and hoping that one day I will just feel sated and find the one that not only clicks perfectly with me but also accepts my double or triple figure and willing to build a family with this kind of person that I became.

 

Yes, I agree.
You should be on Hip Forums giving advice, not asking for it. You've got this issue more sorted than you think. It's simply a matter of following the desires of your higher self than your biological animalistic ones. You're really just looking for tips on how to go about it in practice, not advice on whether it's the thing to do. If I think of any more ideas, I will let you know. Maybe along with turning the focus to your girlfriend, think PAST the act of sex with a random girl, to the afterward where it might be a bit awkward and you realise you have nothing in common with her. When you're looking at the hot girl, you're thinking about sex. Think about beyond that. Make the thought unappealing. I do that when I think I want tobacco.. Focus on the sick tired feeling I have after, rather than the initial pleasant tokes.

 

Thank you for the tip again This is exactly what I am looking for. Can't wait to hear more from you
Cheers br... I mean sis

 

Hehe : )

Autonomy of personality and mindset is a passion of mine. Choosing who we want to be rather than who we are by chance.. very important work.

 

Exactly. That's why I have a hard time listening to guys saying, it's mother nature bro, just deal with it... Mother nature is also about survival , does that mean that we should be aggressive to get what we want on the expense of others as in the wilderness life ...

 

My problem is I have specific people I want to have sex with. Two in particular. One a girl I dated in high school but never got "all the way" and the other an ex girlfriend from 20 years ago. I tell myself it's the for old times sake. Maybe an attempt to re-live my youth or maybe a sense of closure. I don't know.

 

Possibly. However I also think we tend to think of happier times in the past as a relief from say the uncertainty and unknowns of the future.

 

Men think of sex all the time anyway. Hell I fight the same fight my friend but adore my wife. Losing her prevents me from letting my urges make me make a decision that would hurt what I hold dearly. Plus being cheated on sucks ass. You will always see a woman that gets you going, just remember what you have at home and let that be your anchor.

 

You do realize that humans are not monogamous, right? Even the, revered for mating for life, eagles cheat. DNA has proven that. The only monogamous creature that I know of is the hermaphrodite worm that impregnates itself. So don't beat yourself up for having these feelings.

You say you talked to her about this and she has no intentions of either of you cheating, swinging, or having an open relationship? Well, does your intimacy ever include humor or fun? Have you ever thought about the two of you roll playing? Just being creative with your intimacy can sometimes fill the void your feeling.

 

Dr. ZAIUS: I see you brought along the female of your species. I didn't realize a man could be monogamous.

TAYLOR: On this planet -- it's easy.