I've been dating this guy for a couple of weeks and things have been moving very quickly. We are already in the " I love you" stage. He talks about marriage. I am uncomfortable but I really have problems expressing myself and I just tend to "go with the flow" to avoid conflict or confrontation. If he wasn't in one of my classes, I'd cut ties with him, and just pray that I'd never see him again, but that is virtually impossible. Anyway, I have told him some of the things that I am feeling, but he says that just my borderline personality disorder speaking. He says he wants to help me with it, but for some reason I don't care. I don't want him in my life. He seems like such an awesome guy. What's wrong with me?? Anyway, I don't know how to start moving away from him. What should I do? How will I know if he really has good intentions or not?
you love him, he's great, but you want him out of your life? Don't quite understand the reasoning behind that, but... maybe you should just ask him to move slower with the relationship - it's too fast for you to really deal with and comprehend. You're only 19 (like me!), and marriage is a huge step. If you've only been dating for a few months, it's way too soon, if you ask me. anytime you're feeling swamped or overloaded with the pace of the relationship, make yourself say "woah now, slow down, this is too much for right now"... if he really is a good guy, he'll respect that and try to be understanding.
As usual, Ihmurria offers sound advice. Perhaps things are moving too quickly for you, and hopefully he would respect your desires to slow things down. However, a warning bell went off in my head when you talked about him not listening to you, that he says it's your "borderline personality talking." To me, that sounds pretty disrespectful...and perhaps a little controlling.
okay wait.. so, when he doesn't like what you're feeling, he discounts your feelings by blaming them on your borderline personality disorder? "oh, that's not really you talking, it's just your disorder.. so i don't have to listen or accept your feelings as valid." does he address your concerns at all? and if he's like this now, why would he suddenly start listening to your feelings in marriage? it's best to talk to him. saying nothing to him is bad because you're letting him think that you agree with what he's saying. you're allowing him to get all these hopefull, fancy ideas, and the longer you wait to talk to him, the more these ideas are going to grow. if you don't say anything and just "go with the flow" there will be a Much bigger confrontation later. prevent that big confrontation and simply have a quick talk before things fester. besides, you'll start to resent him and he'll be hurt and angry that you lead him on. the comment about your b.p.d. combined with him wanting to get married after only a couple weeks makes me wonder just how stable this guy is... i mean, if he really was caring and loving he wouldn't be trying something so manipulative (like trying to convince you your feelings are false cause of your 'disorder'). that sounds dangerous. i agree with super_grrl... that's a red flag for a controlling individual, for sure. whats up with him wanting to "help you?" unless he's a shrink, it kinda makes me think that he might use the false premise of help to manipulate you further. maybe im overly suspicious here. i dont know either of you or your situation, but the way you said it made me think that. just something to keep in mind, i guess. i also wonder.. you said you're in the 'i love you' stage, but then you said you want to get away? do you want to be with him, just at a slower pace? or do you want to get away from him all together? either way, talk to him, and make sure that the two of you are on the same page. the sooner you do it, the easier it will be.
