Why are you Gay?

Thanks, Jester. . . You just revealed your own sexual insecurity. Too bad. . .

-- Skeeter

 

No. . . I came out TWICE. First as a gay man in 1982 and then as bisexual in 1993. I had a strong attraction to both guys and gals when I was a teenager, but when I hit my 20s, my attraction to women fell dormant and remained so until I hit 40.

-- Skeeter

 

Thank you for explaining & sharing with us.

 

And why FGS should that be "too bad"? There's nothing wrong with being insecure about your sexuality, as long as you keep respecting everybody's views.

 

Jester, while I understand that you don't exactly understand why we're attracted to the same sex, sometimes its not worth over-analyzing the basic concepts.

Most of us ARE born this way, and it just IS. That's what you need to accept, because homosexuality is really not a choice, it's a lifestyle.

You've given very good reasons about your attractions to females. Very well-put, and COMPLETELY understanding.

Well, let me explain to you why I am gay.

- I love the structure of the male. It is strong, yet internally tender, and that side can be exposed in a loving, compassionate relationship. Of course, you have those flambuoyant girly guys, but realize that not ALL gays are like that. In fact, a good number aren't. As for them, while they seem more feminine, they expose manly qualities, too.
- Penises are attractive to me. I can't explain why, but I CAN tell you that to me, vagina's are a turn off. Not that I despise them or find them "disgusting," but they don't please my sexual desires, just like a penis doesn't meet the demands of sex for you. Can you explain to me why you don't like penises, besides loving vaginas?
- While you love holding a women in your strong arms in order to protect their vulnerability, I love cuddling and embracing stronger senses with men in order to feel not only safe, but comforted as well. That's what attracts me, and also seems to be appealing for the other guy, as well.

These are only a few to the many other reasons why I am gay, but when it comes down to it, it's what turns me on, physically and emotionally. It's what I am drawn to, and I cannot give a psychological reason based on choice, it IS. Just like why you are drawn to women- You just ARE. The sexual intensity exists.

Perhaps its unclear to you because homosexuality is considered to be somewhat taboo in our society, being that the majority of Americans and the world are heterosexual. However, the homosexual lifestyle is only considered to be taboo mainly because of religious influence in the past that condemned it, which naturally and obviously continues to create an influence to society today.

Think for a moment: What if the world was half, or mostly homosexual? Being that it would be the more dominant lifestyle, it would be the most accepting, but it's not. It is the minority, the underdogs. Therefore, most people don't bother to acknowledge it, and accept or understand the lifestyle. That leads to ignorance towards the lifestyle, refusing to care or understand why we are who we are.

Maybe my situation would give you a better view.
When I actually found out that I was gay, I denied and refused it. You know why? Because I feared the general society- I feared their consensus towards homosexuality. I kept physically and mentally forcing myself to be drawn to women, which was a complete failure. I then realized two things- One, how would I ever obtain happiness if I cannot be true to myself? And two, I had to realize the inevitable, that I was in fact gay.
It was then when I decided to accept myself, and while I am still in the closet, my se-realization that I am gay is one step closer to happiness and self-acceptance. As for society, why be so concerned about them by being untrue to myself in order to reach THEIR demands in happiness? That's unfair, and ridiculous.

Of course, I am not saying that all of society is misunderstood towards homosexuality, but I think that you and I would agree that it is prevalent.

Anyway, life is a constant learning process. I hope through this thread you can grasp a better understanding, and remember, a sensitive situation like this is unnecessary to gain the details, because the answer can only be explained very vaguely through what it is.

 

i think we (gay people) get defensive when people ask why we're gay because it's such a done to death topic. i'm sure we've all been asked it at least once before, and there really is no answer other than 'i was born that way' or downright throwing the question back at the curious heterosexual. it's frusterating, because there are no reasons. it's not a choice, it's just how things pan out. i like girls because they're sexy and fuckable. they also provide me with the emotional bond i need to feel comfortable in a relationship. i don't like guys as partners (and yes i have dated guys before, much to my eventual dissatisfaction) because they're not sexy and i don't enjoy fucking them. they make good friends but no matter how close i get to the lovely amazing ones i know, i can't manage to develop romantic feelings for them. i'm not going to stop considering the possibility, if there is a man i feel a strong sexual attraction to i won't be all "ohh but i can't date him i'm gay! wahhh", but as of yet the issue hasn't come up, therefore i'm a lesbian.

 

I've just yet to fully grasp the connection.. as to why homosexuals are compeled to go in the other direction...

We are compelled to be attracted to the same sex because it doesn't compel us to be drawn to the opposite sex...Trust me, this is all simple logic and reasoning, when you think about it.

Why are you compelled to the opposite sex? Do you REALLY think it is because the general consensus swings and influences that way? Or is it because you ARE and have always been that way?
If it is solely based on influence, then how and why did some people end up becoming homosexuals in a heterosexual society?
Do you really think it was choice? Do you think it is a matter of waking up one morning, going, "You know, I just feel like being gay." If that were the case, then
1- No one would feel pressured to freely decide their sexuality, assuming that society finds it acceptable, and more importantly,
2- Every human being would be sexually attracted to both sex if they freely decide to swing one way or the other.

But that's not the case. Realizing you're gay and coming out are two major steps that are a struggling process. It is not an overnight recognition, nor is it solely based on choice. The only decision factor for being a homosexual is deciding that you will be TRUE to yourself by accepting yourself as a homosexual, and coming out to the world.

Your nurture vs nature theory could be plausible, but I think its more psychological...Yet, it also depends on the situation. I mean, are you saying that the child had a messed-up childhood that impacted on his sexuality? In that case, they need help in order to sort that out.

but homosexuals don't have the cultural or social backing... there has to be something inside them... that makes them want to be different... this as many say could be genetic.... born that way...

Hmm, I think half of this could be answered above when I refer to decision. However, keep in mind that "wanting to be different" is in fact NOT the case! Sure, people wouldn't mind marching to a different drum here or there in order to expose their individuality, but this isn't wearing two different colored socks or getting your whole body tatooed. This is our life!!!
I mean, look at the RISKS we are risking when we are homosexuals! We're risking our social standards by bearing and coping with persecution and criticism that constantly provokes us or at least lingers. While this lifestyle may receive its negative moments here and there, sometimes sacrifices have to be made in order to fully achieve OUR OWN happiness. No one said life was easy. Please, do NOT think it is a genetic factor of wanting to be different...

 

well it can go the same way. why are peoelp hetro sexual? when did they choose it? Why dont they find sex with the same sex hot? Its all the same. I find the female body beautiful too but I dont want anything to do with it sexualy.

 

^ hahah was gonna post similar questions as you just then

 

In the Houston, TX area, I have several GLBT friends in real life. This does not make a single unloved virgin as 100% gay.

Being dateless does not make anyone gay; nor does traveling in and out of the Montrose District in H-Town. A few have misconstrued the rainbow flag as a gay symbol; its roots goes back to the hippie genre although the GLBT community adopted the colors back in 1978.

 

then that makes the hypothesis of being gay for the purpose of being different fall flat. not all homosexuals are screaming-loud-and-proud obvious types. sure being gay isn't considered the norm, or even acceptable amongst some groups, but that's what we're working on.

also, you said earlier that you believe it's a choice, because if you wanted to be gay you could be. i would like to propose that you're bisexual, because if you ask a 100% hetero person they would likely say that they would never be able to be gay if they tried, and same goes for a gay person trying to be straight. i can act straight if i want, i can make comments about boys and flirt with them and be quite convincing actually (in fact many people are shocked when they see me with my girlfriend), but that doesn't change the fact that i could never get the same satisfaction out of men that i do out of women.

 

ok so due to my experiences thus far there is absolutely nothing that indicates that i could have feelings for men that are more than purely platonic. and yes i've 'experimented'. i have strong emotional connections to my male friends, but despite their good looks or sensitivity or kindness it doesn't change the fact that i don't feel affection toward them. like i said before, if by some miraculous event i meet a guy i'm attracted to in that sense i won't be ignorant and push it out of my mind due to a stupid label, but calling myself bisexual would be an extreme misrepresentment as well.

i just don't see what's so hard for you to understand about this, maybe you just need to realize that everyone thinks/behaves/believes/understands/feels differently, and unless you are them you will never fully know. i appreciate that you're trying to understand this better, but some of your comments seem to be more redundant and challenging than inquisitive. don't get me wrong, i love a challenge, but this topic is just not something you can work out logically. how long have scholars and philosophers tried to put a label on love? it's not something that is better understood by close analysis, quite the opposite actually. love just is.

 

I've questioned it many, many times; I was a philosophy major. I finally came to the conclusion that even though I didn't know, I really didn't care anymore. In my locale, we're accepted, and that's good enough for me.

But I am bisexual, not, er, full-fledged gay, and there's a part of me that thinks that someday I'll settle down and have a wife and kids, but not yet. Maybe I'm gay because I'm afraid of settling down for another decade or so.

 

why do you feel strait? what made you come to this "lifestyle" i feel gay becuase that is what and how i feel. does anyone need to explane who and what thay are. as long as you are true to yourself and you know who you are. then if or how you explane that to others, is up to you. i don't think that i need to explane my sexualtiy to others. it is my sexuality! did you ever think that your tiyp of poeple may be the ones that are "wrong". i don't like straight people, i would never whant be one but that does not meen i question there sexulity. or tell them that who and what they are is a "sin" and thay are "wrong". i jest knowe that what thay are is not what i am. it does not make it "right" or "wrong" it jest is. but i don't understand why it is such a big deal in the first place. is that what you were looking for?

love and misspellings.

hippies don't rulle the world, we jest change it.

 

maybe they were joking??

 

This is a very complex, yet very simple question...

Is it nature or nurture? Was I born this way? Is there genetic and biological influences at work? Is it hormones? Was it my relationship with my mother or father? Was it interaction with my peers?

I have no idea???

The current evidence suggests it is not one cause, it is a combination of both nature and nurture: Genes, Biology, Hormones, and Psycho-social influences.

The simple answer is, I am gay because I am attracted guys. I like dicks. I don't care for vaginas. Simple as that...

Ultimately, it is emotional. Since I am sexually attracted to men, I want to form a long term, emotional, nurturing relationship with a man. Initially, as with all, or most all relationships, it is physical.

What caused it, I have no idea! Furthermore, I don't really care!!!! It is really a waste of time to focus on the cause of homosexuality. What is to be gained by this knowledge? Homosexuality is not a mental disorder, it does not need to be cured, and any "proof" that it is genetic or biological is not likely to afford homosexuals anymore acceptance with mainstream culture. In my opinion, if anything, it will increase the publics desire to "cure" it or otherwise rid the population of it.

Being gay is not a lifestyle! Lifestyle refers mostly to consumerism, ones buying patterns & income. The conservative and religious zealots call it a lifestyle to trivialize it. The reality is, gay men and women belong to every lifestyle in modern society, from professionals with lofty spending habits to street junkies and prostitutes. Unfortunately, discrimination causes many succesful gays to remain in the closet, because, with NO LEGAL PROTECTION against UNFAIR DISCRIMINATION, they have a lot to loose, so society often only sees the "low class" gays, and forms sterotypes based on what they see. Being gay is a sexual orientation, which is an identity trait or an ethos. Heterosexuals also have a sexual orientation...

Research on homosexuals started in mental institutions on inpatients with severe mental problems. This is why homosexuality was first thought of as a mental disorder. We have moved somewhat away from that, but until society can accept the prevelance of homosexuals in all modern lifestyles, and there is no more "closet," any research about homosexuality will not be accurate, because of the people excluded from the research.

I still don't think the research is a necessity though. Sexuality is such a small thing. I am a person, who happens to be gay. I am not a gay person. Does that make any sense? Do you see the distinction?

...Anyway, the answer to your question is, I don't know why, but I am gay, I like peni, not vagina. In one post, Jester, you listed the reasons your are straight. I am gay, for exactly the same (but opposite sex) reasons.

 

I admit I was a too quick on the trigger finger and I owe you an apology. I've had to deal with so many anti-gay jackasses for so many years, that I responded reflexively without really thinking your post through. I hope you can forgive me.

What I can honestly tell you is that we all have the potential to go either straight, gay or bi while going through our late teens and early 20s. I know it happened to me.

And contrary to popular belief, one's sexual orientation is fluid, rather than rigid. I'm living proof of that. I had strong bisexual feelings when I was in my late teens. But my attraction to girls fell dormant as I hit my 20s and remained dormant until I turned 40. I'm still more easily attracted to guys than to girls, but I eventually came out bi in 1993.

So if you've got bisexual feelings, don't completely repress them. They're part of the experience of self-discovery. Explore them, even if all you can do is go to a secluded place and masturbate, thinking about someone who turns you on (Actually, that's the safest sex there is).

-- Skeeter

 

I dont agree. Just because this was the case for you personally doesn't make everyone the same in terms of sexuality. I think its naive to believe that because this is true of your own experiences that must makes everyone the same as you.

 

Not all gay people believe that they are gay for the same reasons. Many gay men believe they were born gay, and I've met a few lesbians who claim that they chose lesbianism for political reasons. My theory--and it's just a theory--is that people become gay for a variety of reasons. You might just as well ask why some people prefer vanilla to chocolate. Some of it *may* be experience, but I don't think it's the whole story. Some people *may* have more of a genetic likelihood of becoming gay, and they would be more influenced by their experiences.