My baby's 6 months, and I know I shouldn't already be thinking about this, but I want to know how long you guys think you should space your kids out? My siblings and I were all five years apart, and I'm not sure if iy was just our family, or if it was the age difference, but we fought all the time and never got close until recently. My friend has two kids and they're five years apart too and fight sll the time. From your guys experiences, what do you think's the best?
My one brother is eleven month younger then I am, and we got along very well, in a way that we didn't need any friends, my mom said once. Of course we fought from time to time, but I guess that's normal. Then my next sister is three years younger then I am, and two years younger then my brother. And it was like this: either he and she would be playing together or him and me. I remember that I didn't play that often with my sister, but we never had serious fights. But my brother and my sister did, oh yes théy had very bad and serious fights. Then there was brother number 2. He's 8 years younger then I am, 7 years younger then my brother1 and 5 years younger then my sister. And we all fought with him. All the time. (of course there were cute moments and plays and stuff, but there was far more horrible fighting, especially between the boys. So based on both our experience, I would say: don't wait too long. Today I am so very, very close to my sister, she's my little sister who's a genius. My brother1, well, we get along... he's this neo-conservative military officer, and I am a hippie-artstudent...yeah...welll and the other brother? he's 14, in the middle of puberty still forced to live with mom and her stupid husband (*yuck*) And can still be very annoying.
It is such a personal decision. IMO, I think the older baby should no longer be a "baby" when the next one is born. I have seen some sad kids who were 11 months old when their sibs were born. IMO, a baby should be babied. Not that some families don't do K with kids this close, but most experts beleive the older child should at least be verbal and close to potty trained before an other comes around. (My cousin had her kids less than a year apart, and they all talked late, and she even had a situation where she had two kids at once who were pre-walking, not the best situation for mother, dad or babies.) Personally, I wouldn't want them any closer than 24 months apart. My first two were 26 months, then three years until the next and then 7 years (a long time, but she was a surprise) I wouldn't have wanted them any closer than the 26 months. I was on bedrest, while my older one was a toddler and it was very difficult. I don't get periods for at least a year after my babies are born (exclusive breastfeeding, late solids and no supplements helps this) so I was very glad my kids weren't too close together. But it is a really personal decision. Think of the older baby, too. Kids are going to fight, no matter how far apart they are (unless you wait until one is moved out to have the next) my two who were 26 months apart fought like cats and dogs.........and my 16 year old and my 5 year old (11 years apart) fight, too. It's a sibling thing. But I do think there is more resentment if they are too close, JMO.
Me and my sisters are door steps we are all about a year apart. Growing up we fought horribly, and I always wished mom would have spaced us a bit father apart. But now that we are all grown, and have kids I am so glad that she had us close together. We are all going throw basicly the same stage of life, so I always have someone to talk to. Though I have so say, I never realized how totally different we are until we all "grew up". We all three are so polar opisites that if we didnot look like each other, no one would think that we were sisters.
My sister is five and a half years younger than me and we're fighting ALL the time, it's getting worse and worse over the years. I don't know whether this is due to the age difference (we're too far apart to share the same interests at the same time and too close to just ignore each other, if you know what I mean) or due to the fact that we're very different, you could almost say opposites (and this is not just me, my mother and other people say that as well). Probably it's a bit of both. I also have got a little stepsister (12 years younger) with whom I get on fine (she's such a cute, smart little girl), she doesn't live with us though (my parents are divorced). My sister doesn't get on all that well with Frieda (the stepsister), I've got the feeling she's going through some of the same issues I had with her when she was little (like being jealous, the feeling of not getting as much love from the parents as the little one). Frieda is more or less my "weekend sister", so I can't really say what it would be like if I had to be with her all the time.
I think it's more to do with personalities of the siblings, and how they connect. So it's hard to generalise. My brother is three years four months younger than me. It worked out great because I was old enough to understand and could kind of do my own thing. But we're close enough in age to relate and do stuff together. Of course we fight, but not that badly.
I was thinking I wouldn't want to wait any longer than two or three years, but even that seems pretty soon... and I have so many fears/resignations about having another child.... they all sound kind of... dumb.... but I still think about them. Like what if I couldn't handle all the chaos... or what if I didn't love one as much as the other (I
sorry, I sent that out by accident so I'll keep going... (I couldn't see that happening, but my mum drastically favoured our youngest sister) and what if I couldn't support them well enough.... I don't know.... being a parent is such a crazy responsibility. Everything we do effects our kids... I just want Phoenix to have the best life possible and I want to have another kid, but not if it's going to take away from her.... What do you guys think? one child versus siblings?
that's a tough one are there enough adults around that more than one kid could get their energy needs met?
My parents seemed to have us in sets of two.. my two oldest brothers (different dad) a year apart, sister and brother and fourth brother are each about a year apart, and then im about 4 years between the fourth brother from my experiences the three of them (the two oldest brothers switched between our house and their dad's house, then went to college, they are about 8 and 9 years apart from my sister, the oldest from my mom and my dad) were always very close, then there was me the baby, the two oldest were really good friends, still are, but i can understand what you guys are saying about having the baby be babied, i think definitely at least 2 or 3 just so that they can understand whats going on and really feel like a big brother or sister
my sister is 15 months younger and we fought like mad until i was 16. now we are very good friends. my daughter is an only and i really wish i had had my second child (i aborted) so that there was someone else there for her to fight with and play with and learn with. she wanted a sibling all through growing up. my sisters kids are 2 years to the day apart and they fight but i see alot of good in it too.
