I am very confused. My partner and I have been together for over 14 years. He is loving and affectionate, and I can't really picture life without him. I love him very much.The problem is, he's discreet about it, but I have caught him sexting with other women several times. I'm relatively sure he's not doing anything more, as we spend almost all of our free time together, but it still eats at me. He has approached me in the past about things he'd like me to try doing, such as writing him an erotic story, or being more domineering in the bedroom, or even opening up about my fantasies. The problem is, while I can understand what he is looking for on an intellectual level, I'm so anxious that I'll do something wrong that I freeze up. I wonder if this is why he keeps doing the sexting thing. Maybe that meets his needs in a way I am not. I would love to be the sexually confident woman that can do the things he has requested, but I don't even know where to begin. I know conventional advice would probably be to leave him, etc., but if this is the only real issue we have, is it possible to fix things if I can learn to be less repressed? Or am I in denial and being codependent?
Honey, just let him sext. He probably isn't going to take it to the next level, and if he does, then he isn't the right guy for you. We are human beings, and human beings are meant to be attracted to each other. Being in a long term relationship doesn't mean that you will never be attracted to another human being ever again. Have you asked him about these sexy text messages he is sending other women? Or did you just snoop through his phone, behind his back?
I probably should have added that info. I found it by snooping, but I have talked to him about it more than once. While I'm not happy about the sexting, I'd have an easier time if he didn't try hiding it. The act itself isn't as much of an issue as the deception and evasion. I have told him that if he feels he needs to do this, fine, but don't hide it, because that makes me feel as if maybe there is something worth worrying about. He has told me that he always wants me to be open and honest about things, but he isn't practicing what he preaches. I suppose that it may just be that he thinks I'll freak out if I read it (which is what happened the first time). I'd also like to say thanks for the new perspective .
LMAO, I just looked at the thread titles and realized that confusion seems to be a theme. I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself, I blame the wine! Maybe i should have titled it "need to vent", since just the act of putting it out there made me feel better.
