About a month ago I landed in the ER two nights in a row with severe panic/anxiety attacks. They doped me up, sent me home, and I set up an appt with both a doctor and a therapist. The doctor put me on Lorazepam to take as needed, which help somewhat - if for nothing else than as a safety net and to get to sleep. He also gave me Lexapro which I had an extremely bad reaction to, mentally and physically. Obviously I stopped the Lexapro. The therapist later talked to me about this and that, but oddly enough the panic attacks and anxiety had all but vanished by this point. However this was followed up by a steady, worsening depression. At first, there were a couple days where I had very 'up' manic periods - which were great, but temporary. For the past two weeks there has been only serious depression. On a scale of 10, it's up at a 5-6 constantly...peaking at times in the 8-9 range. A couple days ago I woke up at 6am with an exceptionally bad bout and was very seriously considering checking myself in somewhere before it passed. So today I met with the doctor again, who gave me Bupropion as a once-a-day thing. So far(one day) it didn't do much but make me a bit drowsy, so we'll see how it goes. I see the therapist next week and hopefully a psychiatrist too. They think I have Major Depression, and are all working at it from different directions. But I feel like I'm fighting with my own brain every waking minute, and it's grinding me down. There are factors - like work - that I know are making it worse; but I can't quit and lose my benefits/pay right now. Sooooo, medical minded hippies. What should I consider? Anything I could be doing that I'm not? As a second, what can I consider insofar as that omega option of checking in somewhere? I don't want to and it would bankrupt me and mine, but it may have to happen. And finally, can I consider going on disability from the government? If so, how do I even go about it?
I live with someone who has such a disability, I will ask her to comment. When you feel that you are fighting with your own mind, give it something to do, even if you don't feel like it. Singular focus ends conflict. An excellent choice would be to focus on controlled breathing. Controlled breathing, pranayama, changes brain chemistry. There are breathing practices that you can count on for specific effects. It is good to see you!
The breathing stuff does help; and it helped very much when I was having the anxiety attacks. The depression is trickier because it's not so much feeling like an outside thing is happening, as it creates a loss of all interest in everything - including getting better. Sometimes I can drown myself in a book or video game or bit of writing; but a lot of times I simply can't make myself do much more than lie on the couch and hope I fall asleep. I'll try the breathing stuff for this, though...might be soothing, if nothing else.
Make the body your accomplice and get it lots of oxygen - every day - i mean real lots ! like by regular running or any other exercise that makes you get out of breath and is easy to do (and puts your chemical system into better balance).
I have times of clinical depression. I know the feeling of it being like an outside thing that is happening. For all of our thoughts or explanations of the subject, the feelings are truly induced by brain chemicals. As far as a loss of interest in everything including getting better, I do not find the world is valuable for what it has to offer at all. I think it is natural for us at some point to become disenchanted with the sensational. Fortunately we have the capacity to direct the mind, you will get there if you want to, but I think you should consider the possibility that it is alright if you don't.
I was depressed last year. Depression is pretty addictive, it just feels so good to hurt so bad. I'm glad to say I'm completely done with it now. Sunlight, exercise, and psychedelics. Worked for me, maybe it will for you. Good luck.
giving your mind something else to think about is a great way to help. Distract yourself so to speak.
If you are looking to get disability just be aware they deny almost EVERYONE the first time, so appeal it, get a disability lawyer, dont take no the first time around. Although, there are certain qualifications that get your approved and I am not aware of them all. Depression may or may not be. To apply, or questions you can call 800 772 1213 (social security) or go online at Social security is a government business so if you want this you need to know its just as much work sometimes as other jobs, but its there to help. Mine, as well as most just get an early retirement so to speak, others get a government grant. So when your retirement runs out (SSD) you get the grant(SSI) which continues to provide some income. It all seems complicated and can be if you arent careful, but I have been on it for 6 years now with minor hassle. Besides nothings free right? lol and its the government.....lmao (goverment made easy, not in this country) Advice for medications.... RESEARCH them. Just because your doctor prescribes them (like the Lexapro) it may not really work for you. There are times where depression can be bandaged with medication, and times where it can't. In places where I saw many mental problems first hand, most cases stem from emotional things going on. (im also anti medication unless needed, just an fyi) So taking that last comment into consideration, I have also taken medications before and the reason I'm anti-scripts is that there are so many medications out there and to many doctors willing to push them without asking the right questions. My advice would to First, find a psychologist that either works CLOSELY with a psychiatrist or prescribes medication themselves. Its easier to get the proper medication if they know what the symptoms are, and psychiatrists don't have hours to hear them. Be weary of high doses and ask questions about side effects. Be proactive on your health, know that with depression, it's hard but if you really need the help, its better to know YOU are in control. I know it sounds sad, but truth is... we have to wipe our own ass, ya know? Anyway if you have any other questions feel free to message me.
I would recommend a book called "Treating Depression with Chinese Medicine" by Bob Flaws, Blue Poppy Press. Can be hard to find though. I could give you a run down of the recommendations, but it would be better if you just got the book (or checked it out from a library). If you try any alternative therapies, probably best to coordinate with your conventional md. Getting disability may be tough, especially since you are now working. One thing to try might be to straighten out the stresses at work. Hopefully your boss or someone in management would be sympathetic to the fact that your current work situation is harming your health.
I started Zoloft (Sertraline) 100 mg antidepressants pills after spending years being depressed and suffering from horrible anxiety. I'd tried lots of pills and had no luck. For me, they are brilliant. I can't remember the last time I had a panic attack, my moods have stabilised. I feel much more able to face problems than just be depressed about them. Just my experience though and obviously everyone is different. Good luck!
I never had such a problem, but when I become more nervous than usually, I try to sleep more and to eat well.
