How Much Should You Love Someone To Stay In Relationship?

If you continue to look for the next best thing you're going to miss out on the great things that are happening now. If you're not the happiest you think you can possibly be then move on. Also let her move on. It's pointless to stay in a relationship if you think you can do better. I've been with my husband for 18 years. I'd be lying if I said I never wondered what it would be like if I were with someone else but the thought of that kills me. I can't possibly imagine anyone else making me this happy. If you dont feel that way about your girlfriend then she's probably not the one. Just my 2¢.

 

The pool of women who are eligible for you to fall in love with and have a relationship with is probably in the hundreds of millions globally. In that pool, you could probably have a happy, loving life with several million of them. My point is that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so the answer to "is there someone else out there for me" is a resounding DUH. There's always someone else out there, humans can always form a new loving relationship if things go right. But the real issue here is why are you already WITH one of these women and sitting around posting on HF about whether or not you should leave her. It doesn't sound like you're very attached and it sounds like you might be at risk to perform some objectionable behaviors. Think long and hard about whether you're happy with this woman. You also definitely need to talk to her about this. I mean really directly. "Do you love me?" "Could you love someone else the way you love me?" "Do you ever think of other people?" "Are you happy?" These are the kinds of topics you need to discuss in a real relationship. Hipforums isn't going to help you as much as a real conversation with your partner will. If you think you can "do better" or something along those lines then stop stringing her along and break up already. For all you know she's in the exact same boat as you, maybe even has someone behind your back. Life's funny that way.

 

Whoa, bad idea! I don't care if you have the best relationship in the world, asking those questions likely lead to a very unpleasant conversation.

Most of the other stuff you said though may be true.

 

Your reply tells me that you are not ready for a relationship. I've got big news for you, they come with a lot of unpleasant conversations. Real nitty-gritty stuff in fact. People who don't have "unpleasant conversations" end up having divorces. You need to talk things through, honestly, in detail, otherwise what the hell is your "relationship" about anyways? If you want to just have a shallow kind of thing where neither of you ever ask each other tough questions, then get ready to waste years of your life with someone who you're not even really "with". Then you can look back 20 years from now and regret how scared you were of confrontation and unpleasant emotions. But you know that's what being human is all about. If you want to be a real person in a real relationship with another real person, there is definitely tough topics that are openly discussed. It's not just rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise, to quote others.

I can tell you that my current relationship has been strengthened every damned time we talk about the most difficult topics. If it falls apart over a discussion of what's real, then it needs to fall apart, and now. I don't know how honest you are with yourself, inside, but that's how honest you should be with your mate. I hope it's VERY honest, but your reaction of "whoa, bad idea!" tells me that's not the case.

It's your life man, keep pretending with her if you want, or you can dump her and move on to the next woman you can pretend with, unless she's a little wise to that, in which case you can keep bouncing around until you find one just shallow enough for you. Or you can look within at what is important to you, why are you even doing this, what's it all about. Big, hard questions. The unexamined life is not worth living.

 

Again I think you may be mostly right about this. Except for the part about be wanting to find a woman to pretend with. But other than that I think you are right. If I think back to my ex and ask myself what it would be like if she asked me those questions they might not be all pleasant conversations but i don't think it would damage the relationship. If it happened now I'd either have to quickly come up with some lies and excuses or just finally be honest and... Well I don't think it would go well.

 

Wait... You lie to her and make up excuses? I think you need to work on yourself before you worry about any serious relationship. Like Writer said relationships are full of difficult conversations you don't want to have. If you're not able to have those and get through them then you're not ready for that kind of relationship. Good luck!

 

Is the question "love enough" or is it "is this exciting"? You seem to be a giving and understanding guy, but one that could be getting bored. So....do you want things exciting with HER? If so, there's lot of ways to do that. Find a hobby together, travel, start a project, etc.

 

Love waxes and wanes in long term relationships. Some days you love one other passionately, while others you are little more than roommates that sleep together. It happens to even the most loving of relationships. OP, you question if you will find someone you love more, or who will love more, than your current situation. Have you ever asked yourself what would happen if you were to leave a reasonably happy relationship, and never be able to find someone who even comes close to what you so willingly gave up to see what else is out there? Love is a precious thing, and throwing it away because you wonder "Do I love her enough?" makes me wonder if you and your partner actively participate in your relationship. Are you both just going through the motions because it is easier than finding someone else? Or, are you both trying to remind each other, and yourselves why you are in love with one another?

 

how much you should love someone to stay in a relationship depends on your gender. as a guy, you should either love her at least some, or she should be really hot. as a girl, love is completely irrelevant, but he should either be someone that makes you look good by association, or he should be a complete ass that is mean to you and makes you look like trash by association.

sorry, i haven't figured out the requirements for same sex couples yet.

 

This is the best advice you will get here, so stop reading and commenting hoping people on here may feed you advice you prefer listening to as the real matter here is the advice given above is the advice you need.