Need Honest Opinions

Last I knew....about $300 but that's been a number of years ago and I have a habit of thinking things happened more recently than they did. But in my state anyway, if you request one when they demand that you pay child support....and then it turns out to not be your kid...you don't have to pay for the test.

 

ok cool thanks

 

But even paternity tests aren't 100 percent accurate are they?

 

They will never say it is 100% accurate but they can say it's 99.8% or 99.9% probably which was the result of mine.

 

She's older than you, in and out of relationships, got pregnant by you, and then ended it.

That is something we call a sperm jacker, boy - not good news any two ways around it, and whatever her motives were.

Yeah, I personally would say you overreacted a bit and were probably a bit needy, while we're on the matter, but given what I think she is, it would've happened sooner or later anyway. My honest opinion.

As for advice... well, the idea of trying to get custody of the child at all will push her further and further away. It was probably all a game to her, nothing more, nothing less. But that's what would probably be best for your kid. Getting custody, that is.

 

She was the one who was needy. She demanded attention at all fucking times. Where does this neediness vibe come from? I enjoyed the sex, sure. I overreacted, sure. I was never necessarily needy.

 

Yes she would be the "I hate men because they can never satisfy me, but I still want a kid", Miss Independent type of sperm-jacker.

 

It doesn't matter who was needy. Forget about that shit. What matters now is how you deal with it. I don't know you so I can't say what your chances are of winning custody or if you even should get custody. But you strike me as being younger and probably in over your head (if I had to guess). My advice is to set your emotions and preconceived obligations aside and realize that what happens in the next 6 or 8 months is going to dramatically impact the rest of your life. You need a lawyer, the paternity test, probably some cash and some family/friend support. It would also be wise to not burn bridges right now. Don't raise your voice to her from this day forward. It's useless. You should be in an information documentation mode. Starting as soon as you get done reading this post....start a journal documenting everything that happens on a day to day basis.

 

Alright thanks. I think I got what I needed out of this.

 

And also...just please stop acting like I wasn't already aware that I was going to have a kid with her (if it's mine, which I'm 95 percent sure but should still do the paternity test). It's not like I'm not aware of that. It would have cost money anyway even if we were together. I'm well aware of that. Yes I would agree that the child support is a bigger pain in the ass. I'm just not feeling this freak-out vibe. It wasn't very long ago that we were together. I'm still processing that.

 

Perfect example of the LITTLE HEAD making decisions for the BIG HEAD.

Of course the child support is a PIA. Who suffers? The child. The child needs the money but they need a caring, protective, teaching Father and Mother even more. No one really thinks about that when their wiener is throbbing, do they?

 

Like I have said I have been down since the beginning to be in both the relationship and be a father so I don't see why I'm the one who looks like the dick here. It wasn't me who broke up suddenly with her. I'm not the one trying to split up the family before the baby is even born.

I'm only coloring her from my perspective of things. If she were on this forum she would have a whole different thing to say...something along the lines of that it's me who's a lunatic for freaking out at her and that's why she split up with me. But at the end of the day it's not me who doesn't want the family to work.

 

Go ahead and keep hating. You guys think I'm immature for the exact opposite reason that she does. You guys think I'm stupid for hooking up with a lunatic. She claims that she broke up with me because I became a lunatic to her. I claim that I got pissed once and she threw me out right away. There's got to be a truth to all of it (waiting for the next smartass response)...

 

dude you asked for advice on an internet forum. None of us know you or your situation, we can only give advice based on what you've told us and its going to be much more honest and direct than if it was a close friend giving you advice. Get your panties out of a bunch.

 

Yeah...honest and direct is what I'm seeking. Not smartass responses. Or responses that don't reflect what I even said in the first place.

 

It is a good thing to take responsibility for the choice you have made. Unfortunately, if you are dealing with a difficult 'baby mama' things are not likely to go well. Your intentions may be positive, and hopeful. What are hers? (Only she knows the answer to that) IF all she wanted was another baby, you can consider yourself an intrusion in her child's life. I am not discounting you as the father, but pointing out if she only wanted a baby and not happily ever after, she will consider the child hers, not yours or 'ours', but hers, and hers alone. Since she isn't here posting, I can only give my opinion based on things you have posted. So, with that in mind, I would suggest you learn the ins and outs of parental rights in your state, county, etc. I get the feeling that she is not going to be overly eager to allow you to be a part of the child's life. (Based on you not mentioning her keeping in contact with you, or discussing any sort of parenting plan, custody, etc) I could be wrong, and do hope that I am for the child's sake.

You mentioned that you wanted to be a father, so now you get to act like one, even before the child is born. Get yourself a decent job, a stable living environment, and start living your life like you need to get into a custody battle soon (ie: stable, good support system, stay out of trouble, no substance abuse, etc) because IF she does decide to be a psycho baby drama mama, you have set yourself up, as well as possible, to fight for custody. If you just assume she will be nice, and she turns out not to be, she can use anything, and everything, you do against you, to keep you from seeing your child. If she turns out to be willing and happy to share custody, then you will have put yourself in a good position as a parent (ie: able to support the child, stable home environment during visits, etc).

In an ideal world she will be willing to share the responsibility of parenting, without a bunch of useless drama. However, this is not an ideal world, so prepare yourself for the worst, and you will (hopefully) be ready for anything. Good luck.

 

The best answer so far....

 

Yes thanks that's what I'm looking for I appreciate it. Thanks to everyone for the answers though.

 

dude how could you not use a condom, are u crazy?

 

I was using one until she told me to get her pregnant, which I naively obliged. Did you not read the posts?