It is so hard to not feel jealous

I think its perfectly understandable. We travel through life meeting people and despite all the holier than thou thoughts of a lot of people in society, we do develop attachments. Jealousy is a tricky beast. We are usually aware of the situation but just can't help that awful feeling. I guess the only advice I can give is to keep things in perspective and enjoy the time you do get. Good luck to you Angelica.

 

Jealousy is a fear of loss. Eliminate that fear, and the jealousy goes away.

 

I think I would have to disagree.

I am a man who does not understand Jealousy at all.

I do understand the fear of loss.

But as far as relationships...I feel it is better that I lose a woman to someone else than having our relationship go on longer and then this happens.

When a couple is in LOVE...and I say COUPLE or TRIPLE as I am part of a Love Triangle but it is complicated...everyone would rather be the one being hurt than allow those they love to be hurt.

Jealousy far too often destroys new burgeoning relationships and I would not want to have anything to do with a person of extreme Jealous reactions.

TooReal

 

Jealousy comes from a fear of loss, always (in my experience and by my observation), but fear of loss does not have to lead to jealousy. Still, the best way to eliminate the jealousy she feels, is to eliminate the fear of loss. She can do that either by eliminating the relationship, the competition, or working through her own insecurity. Eliminating the competition is always just a stopgap; there is always eventually someone or something else.

 

can't be jealous if it is real love, as I do not think that is breakable.....

 

Life is not like the movies. Anything can be broken. More than half of marriages end in divorce. The consequences of divorce can be pretty awful, so no one would risk that if they didn't think they had the love to beat the odds. Do you honestly think more than half of the people who get married do not really love each other?

 

I mean real love.....my love for my pets can not be broken....my brother......There are different kinds of love. If you really love a partner....beyond physical attraction..........it can not be broken.......it may not work out for compatibility reasons or whatever. ....but the stuff that dreams are made out of cannot be broken, imo.

In other words, when I love, it is forever....

 

I don't get jealous because I don't put myself in situations- in relationships- where I'd have anything to be jealous about. When we were younger did the open thing and kinda feel like... how to say it... To me there wasn't too much else to experience that I haven't already already. So I'm happy with just one person and no desire to be with anyone else... nor does he have that either so it's been many, many years since I have felt jealous. I'd say though w someone asking how to deal w jealousy... how to deal w the jealousy of sharing someone....well, if you can't handle the jealousy of the situation, don't put yourself in situations that make you feel jealous.
I had, in the past, successfully been w guys for fun... but also that I really cared about... BUT I had no desire or expectation of monogamy w them and therefore anyone else they were with... it did not bother me in the slightest. But that was because the people I am referring to have a way of making it about YOU when you are w them.
Anyways if you feel jealous all the time then something is not working w the situation..

 

You didn't mention WHY he has to spend time with someone else. If it is a wife, then you have chosen to be in that position.
If it is a work associate or other, each situation is different.

Either way jealousy is a perceived threat (whether real or otherwise), and may often stem from fear. Ask yourself why you feel threatened, is it fear of loss?
I would say shift your focus from the negative, and find your strengths. If you keep looking for 'things' that make you jealous, you will keep finding them.
To me, the main thing is trust and feeling secure within yourself and the relationship. If the trust is not there, you may be feeling insecure. If someone wants to be with you, they Will find a way. If not, then do you really want them? You are unique and they should like you for who you are; you shouldn't have to Prove anything, and you don't have to be a lapdog for anyone. Stand tall, and do your own thing; don't be looking for every sign of a crumb of attention they give you.

I wish you well in your self discovery (a state most of us are in regardless of age/experience. Life is learning).

 

Science finds that love can be mapped in the brain, and is basically one of two forms of addiction. One kind of addiction is for those who are familiar and have been loved a long time such as friends, family, pets, spouses. The other addiction is the kind of love felt when you first start loving someone new. According to neuroscience, the only conclusions which can be drawn are that love is experienced as addiction to the presence of and interaction with specific people, or some people are madly in love with cocaine and opiates.

 

Is that right?

 

You are correct....if it ends in jealousy and divorce....it was NEVER True Love to begin with...just a lie or a hope of love...but NOT TRUE LOVE!!

TooReal

 

Your right about one thing....LIFE IS LEARNING.

I hope you got my message as learning the hard way with those kind of people who's sole JOB is to protect me....is not pleasant.

PM me if you wish to avoid what could be the lesson of your life.

TooReal

 

Sorry but that's dumb.

Sometimes two people who are on the same path suddenly find themselves on different paths, and sometimes negative emotions like jealousy can surface during this time.

It doesn't devalue the time and love they shared while on the same path.

I've experienced true love a couple of times, and the first time it didn't work out. The luckiest of us sometimes find love twice or even three times in a lifetime.

Now please dont threaten me because I called your statement dumb. :hide:

 

Sure...Love is a Biochemical driven reaction and not very dissimilar than from eatting large amounts of Chocolate but you know what....there are other things like this such as Music....Hey!!

It's only Rock and Roll but I like it!

TooReal

 

None of our relationships end all being elements of our personal experience. They wax and wane in relative importance.

Jealousy in an ancient animal sense is the emotional effect of evolutionary reproductive competition. A kind of defense of the gene instinctive compulsion.
We have many instinctive raw emotional cues which as human beings we seek to moderate in a civilized fashion. We must manage our anger and maintaining emotional composure is part of becoming a responsible citizen or a mature human being. Hopefully we can resolve territorial disputes peacefully without being overwhelmed by animal emotion.

Jealousy in a human relationship sense is driven by a profound sense of insecurity. That sense of insecurity is driven by the belief that personal satisfaction is based acquired through something you are missing, i.e. your other half. Obviously we are ourselves whole people in fact so such a belief is bound to affect our reasonable responses. You are emotionally helpless if your emotional security is dependent on the emotions of someone else.
We need find our own emotional depth before we truly have something to contribute to a communal fabric otherwise it's all about property.

 

If he has something else u have something else too it's the only way to deal with it. U can't just be his back up like that u have ur own life to live too. Also I make sure his time with me Is priceless make sure when he's with this other bitch he thinks back to u and so even when he's with her and it's her time it's really ur time and when it's her time and he's with her ur with the next one cause no matter what they do u do u and it's always ur time u captain the ship not anyone else if he has a problem with u getting urs he needs to try and lock it down and if he's not going to do that then he needs to accept the way things are and that ur pussy might be dripping thinking about the next guy whose meeting u after u shower this one off of u.

 

It is. And with that kitten in your signature, I do feel a twinge of guilt poking at your paradigms. All I ever want to do is rain down huggles.

 

Now you see....I can't think like that. I have always been upfront and honest with any woman or women plural...I have dated or had a relationship with. I could NEVER EVER allow myself to continue any relationship especially a sexual one with any woman or women who broke any prearranged agreement and this is both for feelings as well as for disease prevention as I cannot fit into condoms. I don't play games with peoples feelings and since my time is always limited...I am upfront and direct and tell a girl or girls what I can or cannot do and for how long and the rest is up to them. The idea that I would have to LOCK DOWN a woman's or women's feelings for me such as if an arrangement is made considering my reality and then say a women threatens me by attempting to make me jealous by hanging with another man at a club or place I am at....well...GOODBYE! LOL!!! I don't get jealous....and there is no man who s going to be stupid enough to want to supposedly FIGHT ME FOR A PRIZE! Besides....any women doing this is no prize and that guy can have her!!! I used to go to Wildwood New Jersey and Cape May years ago and I always had a good time. I was there in the 2000's and I was with a family member and we went out to this club at night and I danced with this girl who was hot but not someone I would be interested in other than dancing with. She had a hardcore Jersey accent and reminded me of one of the girls in the Good Fellas movie. At the end of the dance I said..."Thank You for the dance." I bowed and walked back to my relative. Now the next thing I hear...as I am ALWAYS LISTENING...ALWAYS OBSERVING....AND ALWAYS PROFILING....is this girl who I just danced with's voice saying in a Jersey Nasal based manner...."Dat guy didn't even buy me a drink!!" I ignored it until this 5 foot 11 inch 350 lbs plus Gold Chain wearing pretending to be Mob kid...maybe 28 years old....walks up to me and asks me..."How come you didn't buy my cousin a drink? What you think your too good for her?" Now...a guy....even this guy...and even the 4 other friends of his....I am well trained and prepared to handle and so was my relative....but what I wasn't prepared for was the CRAZY AS HELL 5 TO 7 GIRLS TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS HEAVY GUY SCREAMING...."'FU@K UP HIS FACE GINO...HE LOOKS TOO PRETTY!!" Now....I knew just by looking in Gino's eyes that he wanted no part of this as he is carrying around 170 lbs too many and all I would have to do s give him a quick PUSH and that would be enough to put him so off balance he would be like a Bowling Ball striking all the PINS...or in this case...FEMALE PINHEADS behind him!! So...I looked at him...and said..."How about I buy your cousin a drink and I say I am sorry? Will that do? Gino looked at me and my family member and said...'"Yeah....I don't want to be involved in this stupid S#IT to begin with but she is my crazy cousin...you know?" I said I knew...and I bought his crazy cousin a drink....a Harley Davidson was what she was drinking....and said....sorry. Sometimes....$7.00 is worth not having to possibly kill someone accidentally. TooReal

 

or something else.....but no one knows about anyone else until they truly know.I read what else you wrote here, as well., I don't play any games, either...........and do not tolerate them, either......I also never asssume to know about anyone else that has nothing to do with me......and Mocha, we all have our own feelings about love, and it does not fit into any mathematical theroies...I respect what others may say about it, but also hope for the same respect.Cheers!