Open Relationships But Married?

I don't see a problem with it if both parties are fully consenting and not harboring negative feelings or resentment from it. It actually intrigues me, the whole thing. I've known quite a few swinger couples and they all for the most part seemed to have extremely healthy relationships that both parties felt very secure in.

As for me, I can't say I wouldn't ever go there because I think it depends on the person you're with and the type of relationship. But I'd say it's highly highly unlikely. I am very dominant and alpha with other men, and very romantic and idealistic with women. I believe in the happily ever after, true love type stuff. Don't ask me why I do at this point, but I do.

That is something I can't fathom. I'd rather be physically tortured.. If I had to see that or by some reason I can't even think of actually consented to that.. I'd end up pistol whipping the guy in the face, or worse. That would elicit full out male on male rage from me.

So if you're not gay, what do you describe yourself as? You story is one I am having a hard time understanding. Were you always like that? Did you wife emasculate you or something? I don't mean that to be offensive.

 

Well I don't think the reasons people have open relationships are all the same.

I suspect...

1. Some do it so they can have variety. (Cake and eat it too)

2. Enjoy living vicariously through the physical pleasure their partner can get...rather than feel jealousy. (My guess is this is what those who enjoy seeing their partner do sexual stuffs with others)

3. See their partner somewhat akin to a pimp to a whore...they take pride in their selection of woman that are in their care (sexually or not) and actually enjoy knowing other men find their woman exciting. Instead of feeling ashamed and replaced in the power dynamic of a relationship, they feel empowered because they helped make the situation possible. (Like a team effort feels like when you play sports.

4. They're submissive and get off on the fact they have no control, that the stress of decision making isn't up to them, but the other person instead.

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I'm not against an open relationship at the boyfriend and girlfriend stage, but I've recently discovered about myself that I do not want openness as part of any life involving marriage or even in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship that shows potential to become fiancé or spouse material.

 

I'm married and we're free to have sex with other people. It enhances our marriage and we both enjoy the freedom. There are no trust issues between us at all.

It isn't for everybody, I suppose, but it fits our personalities.

 

Bingo! I agree that it can enhance the marriage. Our sex lives have gotten so much better since we have opened things up. My wife took on another lover a few weeks ago and ever since she has changed in bed. For example, all these years of being married and she has never swallowed while giving me pleasure. I always pull out before I cum but not lately. She pulls me back inside her mouth and hungrily swallows everything! I love it and so does she. She also asks me now to tongue her ass which I have tried to do a number of times before and she had always resisted. Obviously Allen is opening her up to try new things and is more successful than I had been.

 

I think open relationships are okay, as long as both partners are completely willing. Even if they're married. I'm living with a couple, and they both have sex with me fairly regularly, though not more than with each other. They're a really happy couple too. They're completely honest with each other. Like, his wife will be at work, and he'll fuck me. But he won't hide it from her. He'll even tell her about it. Of course he's a really horny guy who can't get enough of sex, so just because he fucked me earlier doesn't mean he wont' fuck her when she wants it.

It's not for everybody. Both partners have to be okay with it. And when one says it's not okay, it has to stop.

 

I'm not sure I like the concept of "Open Relationships" once raising children enter the picture though.

What do the rest of you say to that direction of discussion?

 

Your children don't need to know about your sex life.

 

Yeah but they're smart and extremely observant.

And they will compare your family to their friend's families and notice differences.

 

There's nothing wrong with differences though. It's like if Gays or Lesbians have kids. Or a divorced couple.

There'll always be differences. As long as you have a healthy relationship with your children, that's what matters imo.

 

I accept the comparison when it comes to divorced households, as I've seen how having split parents puts negative stress on the parents in a lot of cases where divorce is tricky or legally a fight.


But lesbian and gays with raising children I do not accept argumentatively because such relationships are closed.

It isn't social stigma alone we are discussing here, it's also the issue of divided parental energy and resources.

 

It all depends on how it's handled. We only partake in extra martial activity when the kids are visiting their grandparents.

 

So, your concern is that extra sexual/relationship partners leads to children not having their needs met? That's like saying parents can never go out and socialize, or even join a bowling league because it's takes parental energy and resources away from the children.

 

Divided parental energy and resources? Parents don't spend 100% of their time parenting. Even single moms and dads (not just divorced, but otherwise) date, and do more than just work and parent.

 

When I was a child I had no idea what the adults of my household did while I was not home, or what they did when they were not home. Most of the time, when my mother was not at work, we were together. Usually, when she hung out with friends, I was brought along and played with their children. Often enough, however, I was in another adult's care because she was not coming directly home from work, or was aware that she was going to leave me with the other adults in our household after I went to bed, based on her makeup, perfume, and attire. I remember learning quickly not to ask where she was going, because she wouldn't say, and became irked if I persisted in questioning her. The lesson I took from this is that adults are entitled to keep certain matters private from their children. Why would a disclosure of sexual pursuits be appropriate?