Using sex to control

Always takes two to tango. You don't want to be controlled ..... well don't be controlled. It's not like she's holding a nine or something ....

 

I Likeded your post, it's how I see it and I would not be in the position of "Supposed to agree" either. That boarders on the rape thing mentioned earlier if it means because you have a spouse you are just supposed to do it, for either side of this package deal. I would not push beyond a "no" and I would not like to be pushed beyond a "no" even tho there would not be many of them by me.
If either side feels they owe it to the other then there is a problem.

 

I think you understand my point.

You've never withheld sex from your husband to punish him for something.
Has your husband ever done something that has made you angry enough that you don't want sex?

Distinguishing those cases is a tough call.

 

There's some truth to what PressedRat is saying about TV shaping culture and thus our behavior.

But I find only the weak minded and easily suggestible do this sorta thing to the same severity Pressed Rat is implying.


In some cases women aren't using sex as a weapon deliberately, it's just their sex drive dies because of negative stress in the relationship....which means no arousal and sooner or later the physical part of the relationship is lost.


But if women are not having a genuine upset, and are arbitrarily using their body as a perverse control method that is wrong.

It is also against Christian values too because it is deceitful, and it is these same values where we got the gender roles about "spouses supposed to have sex".


This was misunderstood out of the proper scriptural context and then got popularized in American mass culture in a spiteful way.

The meaning behind those values and lines of scripture about supposed to have sex, is really implying about treating sex as sacred and as a tool to build and improve intimacy, not obligate one to another physically without love.

Marriage is a duel label in the worldly sense as well as the heavenly sense and most people don't get that and try to only run with one understanding of it, and try to use God's word to promote a perverse position on an issue.

 

Was it Trotsky who said having sex should be like getting a glass of water? Nice idea...

 

I won't agree we pretend to be shy, I am always at first, excited too but if I want someone and it's happening I get kind of caffuffled so to speak. Have been teased for it later but that's me. I have probably come close to losing a chance at a good relationship, luckily the guy was better at it then I was but one guy admitted he was shy, had to call his mom and have her tell him to "get some balls" if he wants it. She was a great lady and passed on and I still miss her. People like her should live on forever, she had a great personality, spoke her mind and was freakin cool.

 

I have only once ever told my husband "no, not tonight" and that was because I had a killer headache and he was like "okay, tomorrow. feel better. g'nite."

Anyways, yea, I don't much understand the point of that whether it's the male or female doing it.

 

I think that a woman should make her body willingly available to her man - to take care of his needs, as well as her own and to with-hold as a means of control is a belligerent mind game.
I think I'd rather not be in a miserable relationship like that. If you are a woman doing that, then you are a miserable, plotting, hateful woman.
I also think that is one reason why some married men go and have affairs, then the wives want to cry about them cheating, when they are to blame.

 

Sorry but I am going to play with this a bit. Our bodies are not there to be pleasure tools or on call toys for a man so I would rather hear 'in a relationship both partners should be willing to share great love experiences, on both sides and that might be according to moods either side, or the kind of day one or the other had and even health conditions'. To say a woman should offer her body willingly is like saying 'Thats what we are there for' and that is no more true then the reason why we pick a great man to be part of our lives. We are not servants, we are lovers just like our partners and if not then there is likely a whole different agreement between two people, like roommates without sex or some kind of convenience thing.
Sorry but we have to be right with each other so on both sides we retain interest. Now if either is unwilling then there was an error in finding a right match.

 

Not in the servant sense, but the giving lover sense -- that even when I don't feel like it, I should take care of his needs, because it's not all about what I want all the time.
Alot of married men cheat because the wife no longer takes care of herself, or with-holds -- just doesn't give what she gave to get him, to keep him.
I'm not saying the man shouldn't do his part either, but me personally, I'm taking care of the needs of my man.

AND...I don't mind being a pleasure tool or call toy for the man I'm in a relationship with, I think it's sexy.
Keep it sexy and hot.

 

I guess what I mean is the guys I have been with seem to know when is a good time usually. Seems my guy can tell when I am good for it so maybe we are on the same page or something.
In a relationship where ya gotta beg for it there must be something else happening or something wrong like a partner who is very active who picks one who is not, in this case a not so active woman does not have to offer herself willingly just because they are married. They both needed to pick better or deal with it, that's what gets me going about "she should be willing" thinking.
If rabbits go with rabbits and turtles go with turtles there shouldn't be a need to tell one they should be offering themselves. And let's say they are both active in the first ten years and one goes off the running path, well let's say it's the woman,,, can he expect her to keep offering if something went stale or her body said things have changed? Can she expect the same?
So let's ask ourselves this, what if he forgets she has needs too but expects her to offer willingly anyway. This is why we can't say she should be willing, it depends greatly on how willing he is too and what he brings to the bedroom.
This is where they both need to be creative enough to keep it on the level with each other, my theory is this isn't the old days where a man came home humped his wife and ran to the dinner table for what she served that day. It's come to the point we both want something out of our relationships and we women will stray too if he screws it up.
And I agree, if either used sex to hold back and punish the other then they should be left in the dust seeing nothing but tail lights as the other drives away. I would take that once, would be hiking it out the door as that first attempt was happening.

 

Why do I feel you are trying to promote a company or site called rubmaps?