How to confront cheating wife?

When this kind of situation happens, it is best to be stealthy and work behind the scenes and do as much legal paper work for the divorce as possible.

I make this very simple for myself, if I were the OP or in his situation; especially if there was a pattern of disloyalty and cheating behavior, the relationship is over the instant I find out cheating was involved in a monogamous relationship. (I'd handle open ones differently)

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I think that when women cheat, emotionally they are have already dealt with most of the emotional resistances of what would've prevented their cheating to begin with, so when the man finds out about it, she is already in a logical cutthroat kind of mind while the man is impaired by emotional stuffs.

Homie B, you need to equalize the mental playing field like a soldier has to do with their emotions on the battlefield. When it is over and you are safe legally and financially you can THEN find time to mourn the loss of the closed future your former marriage represented.

Until then play smart, life is a game that only lasts approximately 100 years.

 

Well...so far she seems quite reasonable, came to an agreement to say things didn't work out instead of saying that I found texts in her phone. I'm going thru all sorts of emotions.


But uhhh...I took MAMA's approach. Just calmly asked if she was going to work about 3 or 4 times. She asked for proof, i had it ready on the computer. In short she was knew she was caught and basically said there was a void within her. So this mornin, my ring was off.

 

There is a phrase for that ... Strike the Iron while it is hot!

 

Wow..quite a minefield. If you tick her off she can take you to the cleaners financially.
I'm not a typical female but I was about to dump my first long-time boyfriend because he got on my nerves big time and I wasn't attracted to him, he was eyeballing my girlfriends, and was disrespectful to me.

This guy realized I was about to give him the heave-ho, so he took me to my favorite spot, wore the shirt I had complimented him about the most, asked if I was happy in the relationship, and if not, he loved me so much he wouldn't stop me. He said his heart would be broken but the important thing was that I was happy and he wouldn't get in the way.

I was furious with him as he spoke because I knew he had trumped me, and I felt obligated to stay with him. It diffused my trapped feeling to know I was free to leave if I wished, with his blessings, so I stayed-AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT.

Turned out I should have dumped him..he was a terrible husband, but if I had been someone with a full set of "female brain chips" I'd have given him the heave-ho at the first sign of disrespect or oogling one of my girlfriends in front of me.

My weak lack of boundaries (from my male traits) made me keep finding excuses for him. One good thing, I did get some very beautiful children, although he ran off with a younger woman when they were little (to my relief!)

 

I always imagined bein single and now I have these mixed feelings. Think I'm just worried about bein on my own.

 

Are you assuming that just because she's the wife she can take him to the cleaner financially? Because so far I haven't seen any reason to think that she has a chance of doing that. Granted, we don't know the whole story.....

My exwife cheated on me plenty of times and also made the same assumption. She and her boyfriend had it all planned out. They would get the house, the kids, the business (fat chance), they expected me to be paying out the ass every month in child support, etc. I was amused when they ran into the legal steamroller that crushed every one of those assumptions. In the end, she/they got nothing but credit card debt that she accumulated in her own name. I got the kids, house, business...everything. They got each other and a bunch of debt.

 

How the HELL did I miss this thread?

 

I got numerous conversations between her an other men. None of them have her literally sayin she cheated but they look like they could escalate any moment. In one of them, she told another guy that she was with me out of loyalty to the marriage.

 

Good Luck Homie.

 

I appreciate it. I'm sooooo nervous about finally bein on my own. Good news was that I may get another promotion at work so my fear of paying bills would no longer be a problem.

 

I'm glad you're getting out of this shit 2014 will be your year, Homie!

 

Still...that doesn't mean she would take you to the cleaners. But if you want my advice...and maybe you don't...if there are no kids, I would cut a deal you can both live with and walk away. Going to court is expensive and it can go either way. It sounds like you have this in mind anyway though.

 

so far it seems quite reasonable and calm between us. There aren't any kids and tomorrow ill look up the papers for divorce tomorrow.

 

Well that simplifies things at least.
But your profile doesn't state where you live so I have to ask.
What are the divorce laws in your State if you live in the USA?
Or do you not live in the USA?

 

I live in Pittsburgh, PA. Not too sure how our state works but many what I seen so far, it takes about 3-6 months after filing for everything to be final.

 

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about how your State handles the specifics of how property, debt, and other finances are divided up when a marriage breaks apart.

This isn't a general question this is a specific question. For example you won't have custody battles because there are no children from this marriage.

But what is going to happen to your life, health,and car insurance?

Ask these questions and do your research now and get everything in writing because there is always potential for things to go south even if the divorce proceedings seem civil now.

 

CA is a community property state so 50% of marital property goes to each spouse. Which is pretty lame!

In my divorce my ex wanted to argue over every single piece of property, even the second set of kitchen spoons. So I threw my hands up in the air and said "fuck it!" you want everything that bad then take it all. I'm certainly not going to stress / kill myself over a set of spoons. In the end I let him walk with "stuff" and I took the cash equivalent. Worked out better for me in the end, as I tend to tie memories to little items. I bought a new set of different spoons that never conjured the thought of him

Anyway PA is not a community property state. So the line is gray. This link is helpful: http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/PA/papropdiv.htm

 

That link should be archived for this site as divorce topics are gonna be common here.

I hope Homie sees this.

 

I don't mean to be harsh or rude, but dump the bitch. Cheating is cheating and it will never stop. No matter how many years you give it. She has all ready left. You need to do the same. It will be for you own good. Most of that shit on the texts would not play into a court for divorce unless you live in a state where it is not a 50/50 state. I am in WI and no matter what my ex did, it did not matter. Divorce is 50/50. Get out of your ended relationship. It will suck at first, but you will be happier soon enough.

 

Dude... OMG OP, I feel bad for you but seriously this other guy is not the problem. You need to grow a pair right now and confront your wife head on. No pussy footing about on this one. She's been cheating on you and you're wondering how to proceed??? Seriously??? If you don't have any children I say you get the fuck out now. If you do then that really complicates things.

Based off your original post, if things went sideways with her and her new companion, then sure I could see her saying "Oh lets give it another year." This other guy is not the problem, your wife and you are the problem. there are always going to be other guys in the world, your wife taking up opportunities is what the problem is. Sure I know you'd like to go and beat the shit out of this guy, but that won't solve anything other than give you a 5 minute high.

Your marriage may already be lost, but you do need to stop ignoring what's happening and go in guns blazing. I mean this is your life is it not???