She hit the sexual brakes (we're 50)

Discussion in 'Sexual Health' started by justwonderin, Oct 28, 2013.

  1. justwonderin

    justwonderin Member

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    About a year ago my wife's sexual desire plummeted. Up until then, we were sexual equals engaging in oral sex, a little anal play, simultaneous orgasms everytime. I see She has the hormonal creams but when I brought the subject up a few times, her only reply has been all about me, so I listened to her needs and became more tender, more foreplay and stayed closer to her during sex. That was a couple times but I have been turned down since, now, I am used to just ignoring it. I'm tired of rejection, I'm tired of initiating 100% of the time but still very horny....Anyone else?

    Ladies- there is no bigger turn on for a man than to know his wife/gf is turned on by him!
     
    justwonderin, Oct 28, 2013
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  3. kokujin

    kokujin Senior Member

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    lmfao. so poetic.
     
    kokujin, Oct 28, 2013
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  5. crazy4cock

    crazy4cock Member

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    Has she started menopause in the past year? A major hormonal change could trigger a lack of sex drive. I'm guessing that has something to do with it considering her age. Have you talked to her about seeing a dr for something to balance her hormones.
     
    crazy4cock, Oct 28, 2013
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  7. justwonderin

    justwonderin Member

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    Oh she has the hormone cream etc. news flash- she initiated the other night, guess she got tired of waiting for me
     
    justwonderin, Oct 31, 2013
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  9. RubySoho6

    RubySoho6 Organized Chaos

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    Good for you. I hope she keeps it up.
     
    RubySoho6, Oct 31, 2013
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  11. terracotta27

    terracotta27 Member

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    I hope you gave her lots of good feedback on the experience and how sexy it was for her to initiate
     
    terracotta27, Nov 11, 2013
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  13. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    The hormone cream is about tissues, not desire.

    Lube helps when natural juices are stickier, or not as present.

    For women, sex has a huge brain component. That means we need to be mentally stimulated. There's a space between romantic wooing and sexual initiation that is the sweet zone, and everyone is different with this, and we usually recognize a mere bid for sex.

    We don't like feeling that the other is doing things to be "rewarded" with sex, especially if that desire really is dropped.


    Get the book red hot Tantra. Not the greatest writing, but the concepts are good.
    So is just do it! by Doug Brown (hilarious journalist I knew in Denver) by the way, never read a sexually oriented book written by a casual friend. The mental images are too much.

    She needs to discover what is her sexuality versus what she's been doing.
    You might benefit from that too.
     
    drumminmama, Nov 13, 2013
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  15. justwonderin

    justwonderin Member

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    Thanks for your in depth reply... I sense you are on the money, I mean, what you wrote can really help I think which is refreshing...I think i was most surprised how quickly we went from this great sex to, "that ain't working anymore" . I can say this, to me, romancing is like lying. I feel like I'm conning her, the need to be intimate with my wife is just that, I love her, I want t o be intimate with her and her alone.... for me there is a truth in that. That being said, I know where that line of thinking will get me- I need to learn some more romance, maybe you're right- maybe she does need to figure out her sexuality. She was repeatedly raped by a "boyfriend" as a teenager, my fear is this is now in play... we'll see. My urge for intimacy has dropped off, and I'm not angry...one day at a time .
     
    justwonderin, Nov 13, 2013
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  17. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    Well, the typical sex therapist route is to have intimate nights without PIV, for weeks. To remember all the connection, all the other. Ways to feel good, and to build up tension so that both parties crave intercourse.

    Hormones are tricky things, and a woman's sense of her own body can impact desire.

    Sometime the head is saying, yes yes, but the body says, ehhhh.

    I'm 45. I have partners in the 48-53 range. That is two sets of hormones per coupling going weird.
    Sometimes you do what works in the moment, no expectations. And it's ok to say this isn't working right now, and it is ok for the revved up partner to take care of him or herself. Right there, without hiding/leaving the spot.
    It's nice if the disengaged partner gives the gift of helping the revved up partner attain orgasm, of that is what they need or want.

    I've found that the revving quiets pretty quickly.
     
    drumminmama, Nov 14, 2013
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  19. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    Perhaps an adjustment in her HRT would help. Sometimes it gets a lot of trial and error till one finds the right pills to take. I'm not in menopause yet, but that's what I've heard.

    That sucks. I hope you two find a solution to this terrible problem.
     
    Just_a_woman, Nov 23, 2013
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  21. KingWilly

    KingWilly Member

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    Well look at it this way OP, they usually say after 40 it's all downhill, so you got an extra 10 years!

    I guess you just need to hope technology and science can get you a virtual girl, or there's Real Doll, but those are kind of pricey
     
    KingWilly, Dec 3, 2013
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  23. klpic

    klpic Member

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    Really feel for you. and in a way with you. My wife has done the same. but I can't even use drugs to help her as she has had a small stroke. good luck ! hope it re starts soon for you.
     
    klpic, May 1, 2014
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  25. Annwyn'Bri

    Annwyn'Bri Member

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    King Willy, that's really not true...

    OP, I was check out several things...

    Has gained way and doesn't feel as sexy as she once did?

    Is she taking any new medications? They can often derail a person's sex drive.

    Is she under any new stresses and needs to talk about them?

    Any old trauma's that are suddenly surfacing?
     
    Annwyn'Bri, May 2, 2014
    #13
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