I know this may seem long but please. I need an opinion. Well. I am 16 years old. And in 7th grade my best (girl) friend decided to like fall in love with me. we had a thing for like 3 months and then she kissed me in the bathroom…..after a while there was some confusion and the relationship broke off. things were awkward between us and we tried being friends but couldn’t. ever since then I have had feelings for only ONE other girl….that being one of my current best friends… I started having feelings towards her in 8th grade…I am now in 11th and I still have these feelings. they didn’t get really bad until this year. she has a boyfriend who she has been on and off with for about 3 years…I don’t like him much, never did…neither do my other friends…but anyhow, this past year to a year and a half she has been acting different around me than around the others. she is ALWAYS flirting with me like how she does with her boyfriend. she is one of those open people who jokes around with others but she always pushes it with me. she’s always talking about her being a lesbian (all though I know it’s not true) and she’s always flirting with me. I’ll give a few examples. she kisses me on the cheek ALL THE TIME although we have never kissed on the lips before…we came close a few times…. she kisses me on the cheek like more than twice when I am with her. she is ALWAYS grabbing my butt when I walk past or whatever. I’ll be more specific. I just got home from a pool party with her about 3 hours ago and at this party we were in the pool playing basketball (rich family lol) and she was on the opposing team and I had to block her and I got the ball and she took it off me and scored then turned around and blew a kiss to me and I said ‘that doesn’t offend me” and she said “well then give me your lips!”. another example we were at my other friends house, in her basement playing wii and it wasn’t my turn so I sat down against the couch and she came over and sat on my lap and and like pinched my cheeks together and said “you have big lips, you know that?” and i put my hand over my mouth and said “don’t pick on my fat lips…” and she said “no, it’s not a bad thing, they’re really like, kissable lips…” and she leaned in and kissed me hand that was over my mouth and she said “now if you hand wasn’t there, I would’ve found out if they were kissable”. and another thing we were at her brothers grad party and there was a swing set near and she pulled me over to the swing set and I got on one and she got on the other, but then she got up and came over to mine and told me to lean back, so I did, and she put her legs around my waist and sat on my lap and we sung together for like a half hour. and we’ll use this as my final example (although there are MANY more) we were up in my friends room and and she pushed me onto the bed and got on top of me and said “wow, I think this is the closest I’ve ever been to you…I like it…” and I just laughed and shrugged it off because she always does these things and I can’t let her know that I like it….and so she like got really close to me and kissed me on the cheek and kept moving down my neck and was like messing with my hair and stuff and she had her hand on my stomach the whole time and we were just laughing and then we laid there for a while and she kept whispering ‘i love you’ in my ear the whole time. but these are just a few of the MANY MANY things that happen. She always asks me if I would date her if she wasn't dating her boyfriend and I always tell her yes, jokingly, even though I am not kidding. She has grabbed my hand in public and pushed her boyfriend away telling him and others that I was her girlfriend now. she does it all the time. I honestly really, really like her and I don’t want to tell her because I am afraid she is kidding and I would ruin my whole life by telling her, but then again, I really like her and I really want to know her feelings towards me. I don’t know what to do! i have only talked to a few people about this situation and they all agree that they think she really likes me but is afraid to tell me…..I don’t know, what do you guys think?! Like it hurts me so bad to see her with her boyfriend….and I honestly sit here and think back to all the things that happened between us and I catch my self smiling for no reason! I mean, to tell you the truth, if she really liked me, i wouldn’t even mind being her ‘dirty little secret’ I just want to know if she feels the same way. there are times where she says that lesbians and being gay are gross and she shivers but then when she is around me, she mentions that she is gay/lesbian or whatever. I don’t know what to do. HELP!
I don't know. There are girls that are just bi-curious and like playing with lesbians. If you don't tell her though, you can't lose.. but you can't win either. Risk it. Tell her about your feelings when you're alone. Or kiss her next time she comes closer. Or, ask her how it's going with her boyfriend and if she really likes him or is in love with someone else. Also, you should ask her why she says such things about homosexuals.
You're exactly what you yourself said. Her "dirty little secret". Watch the f*ck out. Straight girls are seriously devious during that age (who am I kidding, any age ). I've been through a lot of "I have a boyfriend but... I really like you" situations. Straight girls sometimes look at lesbians as sort of a free card to play and explore with and not get in trouble with their boyfriends. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt! And it sounds like you've got yourself some true feelings for her. I'd say talk to her head on about it. Don't walk around in circles.
