J0rg's Christmas post of the day

lithium · Dec 10, 2012

J0hn said:

When I was eighteen, the life ahead seemed sprinkly clean.
Little did I know, 9/11 would threaten my horizon. It would encapsulate my being in a new world filled with fear and dread. Where everyone looks to the skies and innocent people are shot dead.
then I turned 19, and the massive destruction splayed it was across my 14'' tv screen. It was clear, I had left that old world behind and entered one where muslims were under siege and I was leaving my innocent teens.

I was a glass collector working for a night club. I was on 4.00 an hour, not enough, but it was part time so what the fudd.
I was at Uxbridge college, I made some friends, I got onto GCSE English, we started to read what Shakespeare had once said.
Then the darkened days loomed ever closer, I left Uxbridge, to exist in a reality that was babylonious, but what we start from. I made that decision to move to Lewisham, oh how then I was so wrong.
Now I am 26, I see now that an opportunity to exist in a somewhat better surrounding was finished.

In my dreams at night, I quiver with horror, I shiver with fright. But on those hazy summer evenings by the river. I can still here the distant music of the 2000 Summer.We lived in primative days, we never saw the moment of change. The sun that turned blood red, the signs of recession and Labour dead.

The feral youths seemed science fiction. THen when I look at it, it seems real, this is the situation. For my tears, I get nothing back. For my troubles, no ropes made slack. For every self injury, is simply a reminder. That day, when I become lighter, when I see and feel the change. The day when I can make a friend. The day when I can make amends.

Lonely days, my mind enters a crazy world. I talk to the wall and make bizarre Ann noises. (EH EH EH). I feel the fear, the paranoia of this world I entered when I was so very young. Now I must start to change to make myself at one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA39yqwnX98
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Fingermouse · Dec 13, 2012

Right on, J0rg. RIP

lithium · Dec 14, 2012

J0hn said:

Polish workers are said to be the best. Actually it is the Germans. They have the strong work ethic. Still I aint complaining.
I have nothing against immigrants, but employers are increasingly undercutting the indigionous lot for the foreigners. Now this is not the foreigners fault, more like the employer who is willing to exploit desperate foreign workers for his or her own gain. Welcome to the future. And re Brits being lazy. The truth is, many Brits are undercut and jobs are usually thwart with even more competition. Despite the new Point system, yet again, Britain will get even more saturated. British people will become unemployed. And then when Hell's Britain finally arrives, even those who would disagree with this very thread would suddenly get epiphany, a deep realisation that yes, there was a problem and it was allowed to get worse. And oh God what the bloody hell do we do now. Like the rule of the Cosmos, no living thing learns the easy way. We have to go through the land of ignorance before we know any better. Yes, we welcome immigrants, but too many isn't a good thing. Brits are no lazy, they were self efficient nation, then came the EU.
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lithium · Dec 17, 2012

J0hn said:

Maybe Jesus would but not in that way. Jesus would try to give the gay advice to change. It is clear in the Bible. I believe a true christian obeys the word of God. In this day, we pick and choose which laws to obeyt snd which to go against. I am not against a gay. But perhaps they are better people than I. My sexuality is quesrionable.
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lithium · Dec 19, 2012

J0hn said:

I saw the game last night. It was raining in Moscow last night. ITV had good coverage. It is amazing how on Sky and Setanta Sports, you pay an arm and a leg for such an event, but on ITV, you get it for free. Setanta, rip off because I know that such sports are freetoair on satelite. Sky,customers have lined the pockets of Rupert Murdoch for twenty years.

Freesat, erm, give me a break.
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lithium · Dec 20, 2012

J0hn said:

FIrst of all, how can one survive suicide? Suicide is self termination. But I can understand where you are coming from.

It bares me no comfort to read up on Newspapers and on the BBC News that the place I was born has become Suicide Town It has to be one of the greatest mysteries. 19 people dead. No Suicide Pact, yet coincidentally they all commited suicide. Is Bridgend really a crap Town?

Anyway, I have tried to commit suicide atleast five times in my life. I was unsuccessful. When I was in Prison, I tried to slit my wrists. But because of the pain, I couldn't do it. Had I taken painkillers beforehand, I would not be here to tell you. I am 26 and already unemployable. What reason do I have to live anymore? People tell me that I am employable and that I stand a chance like everyone else. They just telling me that to make me feel better. I don't like being patronised. I am just a poor kid who has come from many years of unrelenting abuse and erraticness. My whole past was in a state of flux. My experience in care was nothing short of a nightmare. Yet here I am, alive today. Coping, but struggling to see reason to my existence. I pray to God, I try to get in contact with the Divine. But I don't feel much better.
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We will remember him.

lithium · Dec 21, 2012

J0hn said:

1) Last night I had an apple rollup on my balcony. There was a bright orange moon above a distant suburban galaxy of streetlamps. I puffed away, looked toward those lights, they flickered in the windcurrents, some went out, other's came back on. The wind was just a caress, then I saw that Manchester won the football match. I went to bed after 1am. I had listened to Mellow Magic and then just drifted off into sleep. I awoke this morning only to find mail from creditors.

2) From this moment, I have a CCJ. I have no intention of paying them anymore, I can't I am on the dole. It is civil law and also, even if the bailiffs did smash down my door or window to get in, they would find a bedroom with no bed, a lounge with only a few worthless items. In total, I reckon my contents that they could take would be worth 100 pounds. They want over 600 pounds. They should just write off the debt. It is better for them in the long run. They are just chasing after a stone. No blood can be drawn.s

3) I skipped cow testicle in tom sauce. I decided to have a ciggerette for lunch.
I posted some thankyou letters and sent off for a budgeting loan. They will either cough and splutter and go "Nunuh", or give me around 200 quid, instead of the 800 I would have liked. Actually I would settle for five hundred, but you must aim high to allow for them to atleast give you a decent lumpsum. If you aim too low, the amount they pay would be next to nothing.

Additional: As the wind blows, I went to the library to get a Steinbeck novel. It seems that everyone living in Lewisham are Steinbeck fans. There go the grapes of Wrath for tonights long and motionless experience.
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lithium · Dec 22, 2012

J0hn said:

Recieved NPOWER letter today. Unfortunately it may take six to eight weeks to set up my account.

Got Music for PS1 today. It is one of those rare games that were the highlight of Playstation. Although I am still trying to get Music2000. This edition allowed you to sample your own cds and it had a higher degree of fresh riffs than the original, which I hold now. If you look on the back, I now have a royalty-free licence. The original game was endorsed by DJ Slipmat I think.

I believe that in a hundred years, English and Polish will become one. It will be known as Engpolish.
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lithium · Dec 24, 2012

J0hn said:

Oh come on duck. I know what you meant, but never mind hey. Boris is in, but in four years time who knows? I saw Gordon Bennet Brown on Sky News today. He was trying to charm voters into having confidence in the Labour party. This is after the following:

Since Labour came to Power, the cost of living has gone up. Food, utility bills and even petrol prices.This has all be excessive over the last five years of course. Then Gordon abolishes the ten pence tax rate, making it virtually impossible for low paid workers to meet the cost of living.
Those on Benefits are actually better off than those in a full time job.
Now Gordon Brown and his Labour Government have been hit hard in the yarbles. Conservatives may have messed up thirty years ago, but I have a feeling that they may have changed. Confidence in the Conservative party is growing. I wasn't the only one who voted conservative. There were many other's. We can't all be wrong?
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lithium · Dec 24, 2012

J0hn said:

I remember when I was 21. It was the year 2003. Nothing amazing happened that year. I think Eminem had a strong place in the UK/US Charts. He struck controversy amongst an already corrupt society. He simply highlighted it or turned Evil into an artform.

Indeed, "Shock Horror". You get to a certain age and it is like stepping onto an oil slick and you find yourself sliding toward your grave. Time seems to go much faster.
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lithium · Dec 24, 2012

J0hn said:

America the most powerful Country in the world. A country in which every other Country grovels at its feet. (Gordon Brown is but one Prime minister out of hundreds all waiting to kiss the foot of George Bush).
So what do I have to be grateful for? Well nowt. Where was America in the First world war? They didn't help us out until 1917.
And there will be an uprising, dragon from the soil, new white light blinding noise inferno kilometers three west Chicago.
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lithium · Dec 25, 2012

J0hn said:

I remember it very well. Oh how everyone relished the idea of Labour Government. Even today there are still Labour devoters and they know who they are wink wink.

Most have come to realise that Labour is a regressive party, not a progressive one. It is a government which is heading for the 80's,where interest rate was in double digits and where the housing market crashed and there was some economy troubles.

I look forward to a New Tory movement. They may have made mistakes in the past, but that was then. I think labour today will be like Conservatives twenty years ago. But today, we need Tories in some ironic twist to undo all the damage that Labour continues to bash out at hardworkers, low earners and those who just want to drive into London. In July, it will cost over a grand a week for any heavy goods vehicle which doesn't pump out veg oil or peace of mind. Anyone who still thinks Labour have any credibility as Government, must have done gone bumped their craniums.
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lithium · Dec 26, 2012

J0hn said:

I have this crush on olivia flaversham. Her name is so cute and her face is devinely innocent. Yet I have this filthy dream scenario:

I am dressed as a Goth and take Olivia down to a room which is painted yellow and there are posters of Marilyn Manson and Queen. On the walls are various devices and instruments which are hook shaped and long shapes.

I am screwing with Olivia's mind and frighten her so bad. Then I slash her body with a bit of the old in out and then dive right into the ultra violence. By the end of it, Olivia is dripping with blood everywhere and she is actually begging me to do it all over again.
Only started having this dream scenario.
So your opinions please.
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lithium · Apr 27, 2013

J0hn said:

The whole point of a pub is to have drinks, including alchohol. If you don't like the alchohol, they also serve alchohol-free beer. it tastes like beer, but there is something missing.

Isn't it enough that the Anti-ciggerette Brigade have stopped us lighting all manner of ciggerettes, hoopas and cigars in our favourite taverns?

__________________
Economic recession. *Sigh
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lithium · May 8, 2013

J0hn said:

Maybe Jesus would but not in that way. Jesus would try to give the gay advice to change. It is clear in the Bible. I believe a true christian obeys the word of God. In this day, we pick and choose which laws to obeyt snd which to go against. I am not against a gay. But perhaps they are better people than I. My sexuality is quesrionable.
__________________
Economic recession. *Sigh
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lithium · May 19, 2013

J0hn said:

1) I had little or no sleep last night, as I camped out on my living room floor on a piece of foam and lots of sleeping bags. I could still feel the frozen pea! I watched Quizcall last night. Liz kept me company. Then it was some other smiley woman, fluttering her eyes at the camera lens and bribing any audience not to give up on _______Line. I thought of three:
1)Madi
2)Sky
3)coast

2) I woke up this morning after a vivid dream about being on a train toward Tooting and passing some chemical factory. I also carried a flamingo and joined forces with Harry Potter to tackle Voldemort. The stars were brilliant but then died as the light of day quickly faded in. Due to indigestion and a lot of gas. I stayed in bed till about 13:00.

3)went to library. Lots of cattle all roaming around carrying books and logging on to the internet. All I can hope for is a cull.It is getting awfully crowded in here. As the rain pours down outside. I can hope for another yesterday.
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Fingermouse · Jun 19, 2013

J0hn said:

I tried to make meringue last night by mixing the egg white and sticking it in the microwave. It had no taste. Like egg with no yoke.
I love meringue, but would like to make my own. Any help please.
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:2thumbsup:

lithium · Jul 10, 2013

J0hn said:

Being homeless, a possibility so shocking and frightening it is so very real.
All my life, I never once rested a head on pavement or went through such an ordeal.
I have no idea what it must feel, but I will soon find out. A nobody, unshaven man, bum on the street, hungry, starving, cold and wandering about.

The gothic robes, the serrated edge. The bottle of white lightening, it is very frightening. The wailing banshees, the howls of dogs, the tin cans rolling down the road. The blood on the pavement, the blood I shed.

So take it from here, I will absorb the last privaleges of having a place of my own, a roof over my head, warmth, hot running water and a secret place to do the stuff unsaid.

I will take for what I can salvage from the ruins of my life. Wandering around the Country, with that cold frost across my neck like a large knife.
I will wait till death knocks on my door. I will let him in, make him a cup of coffee, and touch his bony fingers until I breathe no more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIPpA5BqWpE

And like many homeless, I too will have a story to tell, a drama to be read. Across my face, there is a distinct paleness.Goodbye
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lithium · Jul 27, 2013

J0hn said:

I just looked at your profile. You are 18 right? Hell, when I was your age it was the start of the new Millennium. I admit I didn't have such anxieties as you describe at your age. But now 26, I get them all the time.

Eight years of loneliness, not one friend, years of turbulence, in and out of jobs, longterm unemployment, then a move to Lewisham, then prison and then postraumatic stress. If I commit suicide, living in Lewisham would be my only alibi
One thing you have is friends, you have family and hell I guess you have a girlfriend. You are luckier than some But this doesn't mean that you are happy. I mean you can have it all but still not be happy.
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jonny2mad · Jul 30, 2013

Thats how it is

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