If we treat our children just like we treat any other person, but with more care and with more protection naturally because they are our children, maybe they will grow much better adjusted and more adaptable.~ We just have to remember not to go in with any preconceived notions like "they can't possibly feel this, or think like this, because of they're only this old, or are a boy, or a girl, or this".~ Every child is different and no child is inferior and should be treated with respect.~
I have often wondered this myself, if they would have the potential to be smarter/ better-adjusted. I dont know how I feel about it. Jus always pondered the idea. ~ Changalang :afro:
Agreed. It's the children-believe-in-Santa-and-love-candy-dolls-and-Disney phenomenon. In fact, it's adults that love all that shit because they can bribe their children into loving them for a few moments that way.
Yes. And no. We must treat our children like the people they are and the people we want them to be. We should not give them the burdens of adulthood, but we shouldn't shelter them from problems, and we should reason, not order. I have seen situations where people don't seem to realize their child is a child and it was not a good thing at all. I have seen kids' potential squashed by being babied throughout life. It's always about balance. Respect, understanding and patience go a long way.
Involving your child in everyday issues is a vital part of a child's development, I believe. If you treat an issue as a family issue than just a "grown up" issue, you'll have happier, smarter, more expressive children. Segregation encourages strong, possibly harsh discipline in many family relationships. Telling the children it's something they can't understand, just shows how much that parent doesn't understand about their child. Which can also result in the parent following more traditional parenting tactics such as the classic disciplinarian role. Of course, there are boundaries. You can't explain to a 5 year old that you're having money problems, but the child notices that something is wrong. Instead of keeping them out of the loop, let them know that the family is going through problems that the family needs to get through together. Involve your child not in the book keeping, but planting a garden to cut down on food costs, involving them in the chores, and giving them more creative ways to use the resources they have around them.
Well said. Children shouldn't be excluded from family matters, however they shouldn't be responsible for adult decisions.
"Children are to be seen and not heard". That's what I got and it affected me for years speaking to grown-ups. I did not make that mistake with my kids,but mine were so much bigger than other kids their age ,that I had to remind myself of that fact when they acted "immature". Hell,they were immature. I didn't burden them with adult problems,but I never lied to them when they were growing up and I believe they never lied to me because I DID treat them as individual people. They need to be included in whatever is going on in a family including conversations, short of what they might not be mature enough to handle. Single parent of 3 here.
I agree with parts of the OP. But I disagree with other parts. It might just be the way you're saying it. You should treat a child with respect. But treat them "like any other person?" That's completely unrealistic. Makes me wonder if you have any experience with children at all. Children have no control over their lives, and that's how it has to be. A lot of people take this way too far. Children can make some decisions for themselves, and that can help them learn how to make decisions. But you have to give them choices within parameters. Left to their own devices, children would fight over toys, play in traffic, destroy everything bellow a certain level of sturdiness, unknowingly abuse the pets, and eat candy all day long. When my son really really wants to play in the street, and I don't let him, and he throws a fit, he is not acting like a normal adult, and I am not treating him like one. To do so would be ridiculous. My son does not throw fits anymore when I don't let him play in the street. I trained him to have better behavior. This is behavioral training. He can barely string two words together. I didn't have a conversation with him. He is not an adult, and I don't treat him like one. You seem to be saying that if we just kind of hang out and take each day as it comes, everything will work out. And that's true to an extent. Your child will probably survive and will probably not become a murderer. But it's certainly not optimal. Good parenting means socializing your child. Children don't just automatically grow up to become well adjusted. Their soft, fragile, malleable minds need to be gently manipulated. Doing it wrong is easy. Doing it right is a conscious process on your part. When you say that every child is different and that you shouldn't have preconceived notions, it's a dangerous point, because you're setting yourself up for ignorance. For instance, what if your child turns out to have autism? Very different. But if you don't know what most kids are like, you won't be able to get it diagnosed early. Early diagnosis leads to outstandingly better outcomes for children with autism. If you want to be the best parent you can be, take a class in childhood development, take a class that discusses behavioral training, and take a class in social psychology. Apply what you learn. If you don't want to or can't afford to take classes, I can put together a reading list for you with sources that are available online.
David I agree with you; you cannot expect a 3 year old to have the logic, intelligence and experience of an adult. But I think the OP was more trying to point out that children should be listened to, and have proper conversations with, not just merely brushed off. I distinctly remember when my parents finally started "listening" to me - I was 12, and finally they started to look at me as more than just 'some dumb kid'. I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking that; kids can tell when you're actually interested in what they're saying and listening to what they're saying. Little kids flock to my husband; he's a quiet guy, not particularly social, but he talks to children like they're adults, and what they say is just as important as what anyone else has to say. So I do understand both sides of this coin. ~ FlowerMama
First bold is true. Second bold is not. How can someone who doesn't have logic or experience have as much to say as someone who does? What your husband is doing is humoring those kids. Talking to them as if they were adults. But they're not. There are important things that children say. But they're important for different reasons. You're not going to learn about history or current events. They're not going to teach you how to start a fire. They can tell you what they need. They can clue you in to their internal state. And listening intently can make them feel great, even though on the inside you're bored out of your mind. Your husband is really great at humoring children. And I do the same thing, when my son points out every single thing that he notices. "Bus! Puppy! Cat! Grass!" That shit is not interesting at all. If I were talking to him like an adult I'd tell him to shut the fuck up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=166L3cE3zyk"]Louis C K - Children and their secrets - YouTube Your parents were horrible liars. Long before they started taking you seriously, you should have thought that they were taking you seriously, at least occasionally. But also 12 seems way too late to start taking kids seriously. One thing that a lot of parents don't do that I think they should is to involve kids in family decisions. Big ones like when to move, or little ones like where to go eat. The parents make the final call, but children have will and desire of their own, and you should let them know that their opinions matter, even if they don't get to make the decision in the end. But that's not treating children as if they were adults. It's recognizing where they are as children.
The friends I have that have had children have pretty awesome children because they were always spoken to and treated as more of an adult than a child. Like an 8 year old can have pretty decent conversations with me and I've only known kid talk but when they're treated like adults they turn out amazing >.<
I agree with OP, that all people should be treated with respect. I like what @FlowerMama said just now, too. I find anything anyone has to say of equal importance to anything anyone else has to say. I choose to do this and it works for me and my family. More specifically, I don't rank things people say or do in order of their validity. I think this concept comes more easily to "mother" types. It's really nice to find an 'equal footing' on which to stand when communicating with any one. This goes for people of all ages or abilities. If we are compassionate we can communicate with anyone just fine. No need to 'control' anyone, including kids.
