ive been doing a lot of thinking within the context of my relationship with my boyfriend and maybe this is some sort of breakthrough, but i started to realize that my behaviour, sexual preferences and whatnot within this relationship are somehow a result of what id gone through as a child and growing up as an adolescent. im 20 now. sexually im very submissive, and i think i might like it a little too rough in bed? ive only been with 2 sexual partners before but i never opened up as much as i did with my current bf. i enjoy being choked hard, slapped, and well i enjoy being spit on only because it turns my boyfriend on. i dont genuinely like getting spit on. i do a lot of dirty talking, and enjoy being called degrading names? outside of the bedroom, im starting to think that subconsciously i look to my boyfriend as a protective figure. not that he is overprotective or insecure, he's very kind and understanding. he gives me this sense of safety and comfort i havent had in so long, prob not since my mom suffered a stroke a few yrs ago. she is still alive but she is living in a care home and at 17 i had to grow up real fast without support from my own family, who decided to leave my mom alone. my parents divorced when i was 10 and id always been living in a rly hostile environment with my moms family, or even with just my dad shortly after my mom had a stroke. my dad and i have a weak relationship, weve never really had much to talk about. i know he loves me in his own way but i guess he has trouble showing affection, and at the same time, when i lived with him last year, he was always so rude to me and it certainly didnt make coping easy at all. all my life my moms fam and my dad used me as a scapegoat for their own problems but finally i am living on my own with my bf, and i dont feel as resentful. lol can someone give me a psychological analysis of all this? did the problems i went through growing up have an impact on my current sexual preferences? i also remember being hit as a little kid by my mom. but it's part of her customs back home in asia so i never really took it too seriously. if my sexual preferences are a result of what id gone through, is it fucked up or unhealthy to like the kind of rough sex that i do? what other conclusions can be drawn from all of this?
I think it depends on where it's coming from. If you like being roughed up because you don't feel good about yourself and don't feel like you deserve better, then it's probably unhealthy If you feel good about yourself, but just like being dominated, then it's probably not too bad you don't have to accept being dominated and abused if you don't like it. if there are aspects of being dominated that you don't like, you have a right to refuse any part of the rough sex or degradation, or to leave your bf all together the question mark suggests to me that maybe you really don't like being called degrading names there are some therapists who are against the idea of any woman being dominated by a man for their own reasons. some times therapists like this try to push their own agenda on clients that said, if you can find a therapist who is open minded and can put you ahead of their agendas, they might be able to help you work some of this out
While I am no expert on the matter I believe I once heard that some people just have fetishes ingrained in them and they don't necessarily reflect any subconscious thoughts. Best of luck to you. Ikibah
I've heard that children who are sexually molested grow up to either be completely obsessed with sex and fetishes or they completely just do not like sex. Were you sexually molested as a child? If so this may be the reason for your fetish, either that you you're just a kinky person and there is nothing wrong with that
I can see many parallels between your childhood and your current sexual preferences. Being hit/abused as a child and now enjoying the same sexually. So, your preferences could very well have their roots in your childhood. That being said, it's now up to you what you want to do about that. If you feel like it might be a problem for you - ie, repeating negative patterns from your childhood - it's up to you to change how you relate to your partner in bed. You don't have to go along with anything if you don't enjoy it - or if you're only doing it to please your partner. There are things you can do that both of you enjoy. And if he insists on doing things that you aren't comfortable with, it might be time for you to find a new partner.
