I can't go into work today because...

I can't go into work today because I'm a bum

 

bridge is out

 

I can't go in to work today because I was fired yesterday.

 

Because it smells like rain....and bacon.

 

on the seventh day he rested.

 

I've fallen and I cain't get up....;-D

 

I have too many chores to do at home. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.

 

I can't be assed and you're a prick

 

My ovaries hurt.....

 

my chicken found a hole in its pen and i have to fix it.

 

Because I mixed toothpaste with oranges and shit myself.

 

Because I phoned in sick-then remembered I work at a surgery. DAMN!

 

it is raining outside.... I melt when I get wet

 

there is a very large iceberg blocking my way, so I'm goin back to bed....;-)

 

A song was on rerun all night in my head and I woke up insane.

 

Some crazy guy set the building on fire. Uh, I saw him go that way!

 

I has leprosy.....0.o

 

I can't come to work today because I've got Anal Blindness, I can't see my ass getting out of bed today!

 

I can't come into to work today boss, because your wife is still giving me a blowjob!

 

i was ubducted by aliums